Current Wardrobe: I am wearing a long black slinky skirt but have it pulled above my breasts so it looks like a strapless black dress or something, and I am wearing black panties too
Tomorrow is going to be a big day. I am going to meet a caller for the very first time. Nope, not my Maryland boy hee hee even though I want him too… I am going to see my Marilyn Monroe pantyboy whom I have been absolutely crazy about since day one. There are actually a lot of wonderful callers I would like to meet, but it takes a lot of trust, chemistry, and mutual affection to make me get over my internet blind dating jitters.
I have always wanted people I could not hold, craved items I could not afford, dreamed of a future that always seems unobtainable, wrote perfect songs that had no tune, made art that still looked bland despite the colors, dried tears on manless pillows, dreamed of walking outdoors with snow on christmas, pictured a family of relatives in one roof, and most of all — I’ve always been one of those optimistic dreamers who has so many goals and aspirations that I don’t know where to find my true priority in life.
Christmas jingles all sound trite and overplayed, I used to be fascinated with holiday music and now I find myself running away from it. Maybe I fear that this is Christmas week and family all feels so far, even though so close. My sister hasn’t returned my 5 phone calls begging her to come over and have dinner with me because I want some family here. On Christmas day, I have been invited to see some family in San Diego whom I have not seen since I was 4 years old, some never at all. Is it possible to find solace in family you do not recognize?
I have little money this Christmas, a lot of it having to do with getting fired from my previous job right before the holidays. This is my first season where I can honestly say I only bought one gift for one person - and that was a for a friend in Australia who I drew as a Secret Santa. I can’t afford to buy anyone a gift, not even my sister, my parents, my brother, or even my sweet neighbor. So what I have decided to do, is work on paintings for my family since I have quite a few canvases and a full stock of amazing paints - and I want to just pour my soul out on canvas. I am hoping that they see past monetary value and see the intent of my heart as I created them. Unfortunately, I only finished one painting, and I have 4 more to do and I will never get them done by Christmas.
If any of you have any ideas of what to get people when you have little or no money and have lots of arts and crafts, let me know. I need some more ideas!
On another note, I always feel giving around Christmas time, even without money. I hate passing people on the street in freezing cold in san diego who really truly look homeless and I have no money to help them.
The other morning when I was jogging, I passed a woman in a tattered t-shirt who was shivering with her head between her knees who just looked AWFUL. I felt bad that I had no money, and she wasn’t holding one of those “will work for food” signs, she was too cold and hungry to stand up and looked as anorexic as it gets. I gave her my Nike jacket I was jogging in (I boycott Nike anyway cause of sweatshops and I felt guilty wearing it anyway) and offered to let her come in my apartment to get a bite to eat. She felt a little embarrassed taking my jacket, but she sure did look appreciative. She followed me to my apartment and I offered to let her inside but she said she respected me and my home and preferred the little spot on the terrace instead. So I made her some warm hot chocolate and brough out some Milano cookies (hey what can I say, that’s pretty much all I had). We had a heartfelt conversation and it turns out that 4 nights earlier, her husband had kicked her out because she had gotten “too skinny” cause she kept throwing up her food and stuff and had hit her a few times on her back (and had the bruises to prove it) and she had nowhere to go and relied on whatever leftover food the restaurants would throw away at the end of the night.
I felt just terrible. Here I am in a warm apartment, and I complain about not being able to buy people gifts…. and she can’t even sleep on a bed. I went inside, gave her a new thermal blanket I just bought, a fluffy pillow, and offered her a ride to Faith Chapel which is the same place that I had to go to when part of our town was evacuated due to the San Diego fires. As far as I know, she is staying there now. With a warm heater, a cot to sleep on, and nice people to comfort her.
Perhaps I became her Santa Claus. Just like Mr. Maryland became mine.
I urge everyone this Christmas to perform a random act of kindness to a complete stranger. When you go on a toll road, pay for the car behind you and say Merry Christmas. When you have a nice dinner, leave a 20 dollar tip with a christmas card. If you see someone hungry, feed them. If you see someone cold, clothe them. If you see someone sad, cheer them up. Not everything costs money.
Shoutouts:
Hmmmm I hypnotized a first time sissy who was just absolutely adorable in his little cum denial - what a cutie, had a fabulous time a cuckold sweetie who helped me get ready for my date and licked my boyfriend really nice and good, had an ass fisting great time with my bowling pin ass stretcher - fuck it hard bitch, had a wonderful call with my new jersey carrot fucker - who instead of fucking his ass with a carrot - decided to call and just chat and just find out more about me (I loooove calls like that, they are by far more personally appealing), and I had a sexy time making love to my michigan state fan - who’s your favorite girl? Isabel-la-la-la-la hee hee 
*wink wink*
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