For those of you who have inquired…. this is my latest drawing. It will take me about 4 months to complete it, so this is just the mini version. I plan to enter it into the county fair in may or june when the fair comes to san diego.

The drawing is of the san diego skyline - I got the idea from a postcard I saw (as well as a canadian photographer who kind of inspired me) - I plan on making the whole board a giant detailed pen drawing of a huge portion of san diego and then on the right hand side doing a woman overlooking her balcony overlooking san diego looking at the city and the moon with the night sky.

Please don’t laugh, I still have a long way to go. I zoomed in on two areas so you could see the details.

Remember about two weeks ago I mentioned my friend Jessica from Starbucks? Well the two of us have gotten to be very close friends, best friends in fact… and she comes over to my apartment all the time. It didn’t take much persuasion to get her to try phone sex, before you know it - I pull a few strings get her in the door - show her a few sexy tricks… and now… she’s hopped the fence.

Jessica now works here! My best friend! She is awesome - sometimes we may even be in my apartment together taking calls or something since I have a cell phone we could have hers forwarded to.

Isn’t this exciting????? You guys HAVE to meet her. She is totally sexy and hot and I can vouch for her, I know her in real life and I love her to death. We’ll do some hot voice clips together and stuff so you can hear us… but you HAVE to try a threesome with us! If you’ve never done a threesome before, this would be the perfect time - cause she is WAY hot and I love her!

I have an art class in about an hour but I will be back around 10:00-10:30 pacific time…. I love you guys!!!!

Call Jessica while I’m gone - seriously - she is really really really hot…. and if you like me, you will REALLY like her cause she learned from the best (ME! *grins*)…. she is a lot like me, so you will like her.

I’ll be back soon in a few hours……………….

*smooches*

Current Wardrobe: lavender silky pajamas, periwinkle blue string panties

Remember the movie Sleepless in Seattle? When Tom Hanks’s character is on the phone with the woman on the radio and he is talking about how he got over the death of his wife and he responded “I just get out of bed everyday. I breathe in and out everyday.” Simple statement to such a difficult task… well I kind of feel like that today. This morning when I woke up - no kitty beside me… I just got out of bed, I breathed. I breathed. I feel just like Tom Hanks did.

I found out that Lizzy died from F.I.P (feline infectious peritonitis) which is an incurable viral disease always ending in death. She was sick before I got her and the shelter did not know it so I had to take care of a lot of that today. They will notify the former owners to let them know their litter is/maybe infected. I can’t believe there is no cure. After all the love and everything I gave her… there is no cure, no treatment, nothing. The doctors and specialists don’t even have TESTS to test anything. And they don’t give out vaccinations until kittens are 16 weeks old but mine was only 10 weeks. I found a place that is trying to fund money so that research can be made to try to cure this horrible disease. Click
here if you want to donate to the research to find the cure for F.I.P.

And just when I thought yesterday couldn’t get ANY worse…

Yesterday was particularly difficult for me - not only because of the tragic unexpected sudden death of my little izzy kitty… which if not bad enough… I also had a neighbor snooping around my windows taking photos with a camera. When I was at the vet hospital with my kitty dying, a lady took it upon herself to go snooping through my windows. When I returned home after Lizzy died, crying my eyes out — I get a knock on the door from a neighbor who witnessed the whole thing and had stopped by to support me and let me know what happened. Apparently she saw the lady taking snapshots of my adult paintings being viewable on the outside to try to get me evicted. Talk about an invasion of privacy.

So I called the Sheriff. A deputy came by and checked out the paintings in my apartment and made absolutely no negative remarks about the adult content portrayed on them. He said I have every right to have what I want on my walls in my home. I gave him the apt. number of the lady who had done this peeping tom act, and I gave him the WRONG apt. number so I had to call back today and leave a message. I also wrote and filed a second complaint to my apartment complex and said I don’t like people invading my privacy.

My sister came by to console me and instead sort of laughed at me for getting all emotional over a kitty and a deranged neighbor. She baked some green bean casserole and made me eat since I had lost my appetite all day… and we rented 5 movies: Dahmer, The Core, He Loves Me-He Loves Me Not, Gigli, and Confessions of a Dangerous Mind… I hate every single one of them. But it was still nice having my sister there spending time with me and we worked on some art pieces together.

I didn’t log in yesterday and most of today - so most of these shoutouts were from days before or from earlier tonight.

Shoutouts:
Had a WHOLE HOUR with my Alaskan slave hypnotizing him and then made love to him, had a WHOLE HOUR with my alana Minnesota girl dressing him nice and pretty and he was so adorable, had TWO WHOLE HOURS with my New York pantyboy who got some chick flicks and pink garbage bags like a good sissy under hypnosis and wow this guy intrigues me, had a WHOLE HOUR pleasing and teasing a man who is too hot to touch so I just flirted, had a WHOLE HOUR with my Colorado screenwriter who made sweet passionate love to me, had a HOT threesome with Josie and my anal fuck toy who let us fuck him with a traffic cone, had fun with a new caller - my Virginia daddy who let me be his daughter, laughed at a pathetic needledick loser who was too small to pleasure me, had a delicious call with my ER pantyboy who looked so pretty in his panties, had a fucking AWESOME time with my sexy lover who used nipple clamps on me and made me cum over and over with my clit pump, hypnotized my sexy prince charming and denied him over and over until he exploded all over himself, had an amazing call with my sexy Marilyn Monroe and got to sissify him while I watched him on camera, got to make fun of my sissy faggot for a quickie, a hot call with a new pantyboy caller who let me dress him up, and last but not least - a fucking unbelievable call with with my Chicago traveler who let me sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to him in Philadelphia!

*smooches* I love you all!

Current Wardrobe: red t-shirt, black skimpy panties - sitting indian style in chair right now

There they go again. I can hear the neighbors going at it again upstairs. I hear the bed moving across the floor. I can hear him stroking. I don’t hear her - don’t hear him, I just hear the fucking bed. They always have sex this time of morning. Same bat time, same bat channel. They always go about 8-10 minutes and then you hear them walking around the house. Usually I can count the strokes it takes until he cums. I was 5 strokes off this time. It is so sad. Every two days, a quickie. Just like… that… done.

I had sex with the security guard of my apartment complex, his name was Brian. Don’t ask. But I fucked him last night - partly because he bragged about having a nine inch cock and told me it was really big around too. What a fucking liar. His dick was like 4 inches and yeah it was a little thick, but I told him whoever told him he was 9 inches had LIED to him. I think partly I fucked him out of boredom or maybe I wanted to compete with the neighbors. But apparently this guy had been watching me do my paintings for week and would watch me in my window and today after art class he followed me to my door from the parking lot. One thing led to another, and I was showing him my paintings in my room and thirty minutes later, we had a quickie 4-minute session on the bed. As soon as he came, he looked at the time and said he had to go. Typical man. Fucks me and leaves. Well you know what? I ain’t missing anything, cause he surely didn’t make ME cum and well… you boys all know how much I love to cum.

Also had an art class last night, I had slept in, so I arrived 30 minutes late - I think the teacher was a little peeved at me because he kept finding fault in my artwork as I was drawing. That kind of upset me, I thought I was drawing wonderfully - especially compared to the classmates around me - and he kept telling me what to do differently to it. It just pissed me off. I should have gotten there on time, but still. It was a little aggravating. I want HELP with my artwork, not a dirty finger.

But….

I DO HAVE GOOD NEWS!

Today…………………. I got a kitten.

All you special boys who REALLY know me, know that I have mentioned wanting a kitten for months and months and months now. Well yesterday was the big day. I adopted a little girl kitten from PetSmart. Now I have a little critter to grow old with and someone who relies on me every day and someone who looks up to me. So far I just ADORE this kitten, she is perfect for me and purrs on my chest and sits on my shoulder. Even as I type this, she is purring on my shoulder with her nose muzzled into my neck. I am sooooo in LOOOOVE with this cat.

I named her Lizzy Shadoe. I call her Lizzy because it reminds me of ‘Little Izzy’ since she is a lot like me. And I picked Shadoe because it is a more female-stylized spelling of the word ‘Shadow’ and this little kitten follows me around like a little shadow. A special thank you to my mud boy for helping me spell the last name…
So… I want you all to meet Lizzy!!!!!

Shoutouts: Had THREE WHOLE HOURS with my delicious mud boy who I hadn’t heard from in months - such a pleasure to talk to him again - and mmm I love it when he said - suck my dick!!! And then he pleasured my feet over and over and over…. and over!!! Also had a WHOLE HOUR with my awesome colorado screenwriter who wrote me into the movie he is writing and already designed my character for the movie (I will be a young girl that a mom is reading a book to as the opening scene) and he’s naming her Isabella - how sweet is that?? And mmmm had a surprise HOUR with my New Hampshire sweetie who hypnotized me and made me cum all over the place just hearing the sound of his voice. He totally owns me…

*smooches* I love you all!

(((Lizzy loves her momma Izzy)

Current Wardrobe: White t-shirt with black playboy bunny emblem on it, got a new silver belly button ring in, black jeans, and a black velvet jacket… and I am putting on my socks and shoes right now about to drive to starbucks since it is too cold to jog right now

Hello sexy boys *smooches* to everyone! A special thank you to my Colorado screenwriter who WHISTLED at me at work today!!! Thank you!!! Sends kisses your way ~~ Mmm what have I been up to the last few days? Well let’s see…. now that I’m taking an art class, I’ve been practicing on my graph-style drawing and even though I suck at it, it’s something I’ve been practicing as homework when I have time. It’s only halfway done cause it takes me a long time to do it (a picture of a staircase with a lot of weird shadowing and angles and lighting)… other than that…

**deep breath** I’m going to do it.

I am going to sell some of my art.

I’ve now had quite a few callers and friends ask me (on numerous ocassions now) that maybe I should start selling some of my art. Ok ok ok… let me just say this… I’ve always considered my paintings and drawings very personal, something that comes from my emotions, my inner conflicts, my every single type of feeling - good-bad-ugly…. most of it all evolving around erotic art. Even displaying my art has always been incredibly difficult for me. But one of my new years resolutions was to get over my fear of having my art criticized or rejected by others and actually sell some of my work.

So I have decided to start a site where people can buy some of my art. Now keep in mind that since I obviously have never sold any of my work, I don’t know what fair pricing would be… so Charlie (the co-owner of The Fucking Bar) is going to act as a manager on my behalf and accept payments and come up with prices for everything. Gotta love Charlie!!! I like being one of his angels *hee hee* — so over the next few days I am going to put the site together and see how it goes and will let you all know where to find the site.

**breathes again**

On another note… remember Ryan? The guy from Vegas who stood me up? Well I told him never to write/talk/call me again and he STILL found a way to get in touch with me and gives me this “been in the hospital for 8 days cause I had a seizure” excuse and gets into this whole spiel about a brain bleed and his grandmother’s house not having internet access, etc. uh… whatever…. so needless to say, he spent 2 hours last night trying to beg me to meet him again and normally I would just be gullible and say yes. But you know what. No fucking person ends up in the hospital for 8 days for a seizure. Sounds to me like this guy just wants to get in my little panties. Well fuck him. Hey girls, you can have him. And boys, learn something from this please. The sorry excuses are soooo old. Get new stories. And if we tell you no, that means no…. so tracking us down and begging for another chance is not going to help.

And I just gotta say, I watched “Showtime at the Apollo” a couple days ago and I just want to give a personal round of applause to everyone on there. (Well except the two horrible people who got booed off stage) but everyone else was totally wonderful, and I was fully entertained, saw some of the best talents, and wow - those people can sing, dance, and some can really make you laugh. What a wonderful show. Loved it, especially that episode.

Now I am looking forward to watching Survivor - the one with all the all-stars in it. I really don’t know who I’d vote for. I kind of hoped they would have brought Colleen back. But gah…. looks like they thought Elisabeth was the “sweetheart” for the show instead. Why the hell would they bring Jerri and Susan back? Aaah. So if I gotta vote for someone, I’d probably want Rudy or Richard to win - gotta love the old grouchy man and gotta love a gay nude man running the beach.

Shoutouts:
Had an awesome call with my New Jersey carrot fucker who absolutely has a tender heart as well as a very sweet ass *winks*, mmm then I had a lovely romantic call with a sweet guy who “accidentally” hung up on me the very second he came all over the place, had a WHOLE HOUR with my New York pantyboy who brushes his teeth with a pink toothbrush and will tan in a new metallic bikini from eBay, had a little sweet and aggressive call with my Michigan sweetie who let me fuck his brains out… mmmm had a delicious ass-pounding call with my ass stretching slut who stretched MY ass this time, then I had fantastic call with a sexy bouncer who let me be an underage valley girl in a club and he was going to throw me out unless I would blow and fuck him in the bathroom (that was WAY hot), had a WHOLE HOUR with my Nevada pantyboy who has such an *adorably cute* cock it was just sooo precious and I loved dressing him up too! Also had a WHOLE HOUR with my Washington pantyboy with an English accent who let me pound his ass with a strapon and then he just licked my pussy until I came and came and came…. mmmm had an awesome kick ass call with my San Francisco sweetie who let me watch him on cam as he stroked his hot sexy cock and it gave me a chance to try out my new GOLDEN BULLET (the motor on my silver bullet wore out, so I bought a new one), mmmm then a brand new caller whom I’ve decided to call my Washington submissive slut was sooo sweet and obedient as I pounded his face and ass with my cock - was so sweet and said thank you too before wishing me a great night (don’tcha LOVE it when new callers don’t hang up in your face? gives him a second kiss for that)…. and last but not least…. a special shoutout to my sweet Marilyn Monroe pantyboy who was there when I desperately needed a person to talk to… and I couldn’t have asked for anything better…. thank you for being there for me.

*smooches* I love you all!

Current Wardrobe: naked, just got off a call but was wearing more

You know that feeling you get when you wake up and something happens that just makes you in a really good mood to start your day? Well today something surprising happened. Last night I accidentally stayed logged in for work while I was sleeping. I never never NEVER log in for work when I am sleeping, because to me it is just a tad bit disrespectful to my callers who expect me to be wide awake, alert, orgasmic, and just downright horny and I would never intentionally sound drowsy on the phone. So I always ALWAYS stay logged in only when I am truly in the mood. It’s just the way I am.

Well…. that being said… I get awakened by a phone call and I was shocked as hell cause I didn’t remember still being logged in, but apparently I was. And all I can say is WOW. Just hearing his first few sentences, I immediately opened my eyes in bed (that says a lot, usually I am such a roll-over-and-snooze person) and I was instantly aroused and turned on. He was a brand new caller and just happened to be a reader of my journal and just called me out of the blue and was a complete and utter gentleman. Let me just say that people in Detroit need a round of applause for being respectful and sexy and knowing how to balance being kinky and being distinguished on the phone. It started my day beautifully. After that call, I didn’t even feel the need to run to starbucks for coffee. I don’t have a coffee machine (shock to the world) and I have a daily starbucks fixation but after having such an amazing call I really was able to start my day WITHOUT coffee and I still had an unbelievably amazing day.

I went to the bank, deposited some money. Turns out my cable was turned off. I have really got to start paying my bills - once I get my next check I should be all set! I went to Blockbuster and returned the movies, and rented a few more: Jeepers Creepers 2, American Wedding, and Bruce Almighty. Had fun watching those today!

Also, today was my very first day in school in my very first drawing art class. I found out that even though it is an adult education course, it technically isn’t considered “college” and I do NOT get credit for it. *pouts* but the good news is that my teacher just happens to be a REAL teacher of a REAL college and teaches us the same thing he teaches his other class, so we are learning the same drawing techniques at a lower cost without the grading. I am thinking about attending a “real” and “credited” community college in the summer so I can save up and take some more art courses and get better. Because I am such an amateur, but I REALLY want to learn more and improve! Today we started learning how to draw within a grid and I am picking it up pretty well, it looks easier from afar than it does when you are realy doing it. It looks so simple, but when you are handed a piece of paper and pencil you just kinda sit there and go … uh where do I start? Well anyway, I think I did pretty well. Especially for my first day. Most of the people in class are in their 30s or 40s and I only saw one other person in their twenties like me and it was some girl sitting at the edge of the room. Most of the men had lots of gray and the lady beside me kept coughing the whole damn time - I just wanted to stuff toilet paper in her mouth and tell her to plug it up so I could concentrate. Gee lady get a cough drop or something. I hope she didn’t pass anything to me. But anyway, the class was great, I loved it - I learned a lot in just a few hours and I have that class once a week for ten weeks, not twelve cause they are cutting it short because not enough students signed up for the course. But it will still be nice.

Afterwards I went to Denny’s to pay back Aaron for covering my meal yesterday, but he had called in and decided not to come to work, so I ended up just having a meal and chatting with Ashley the server and some guy sitting beside me at the counter from Scotland who had a cool accent and he was flirting with me big time. He looked like he was about 45-50 years old, lots of gray, but he looked like George Clooney and pulled the “older gentleman” look flawlessly. Cool guy. Good conversation. It’s nice to meet people. And at least I wasn’t shy.

Then I came home, someone stole my parking spot again. Had to walk 2-3 blocks to my apartment again. This time the heels REALLY got to me and I almost tripped while walking in the gutter and I almost sprained my ankle. It’s not twisted…. but it really hurts to stand in heels right now. So I am barefoot and soaking my left ankle in warm water cause it hurts.

But then… I got good news! One of my sexy callers who is always such a wonderfully evil daddies… whistled at me at work today! That made my night! I LOVE IT WHEN A MAN WHISTLES AT ME! (In case you all don’t know what that is - go to thefuckingbar.com and click on “Whistle A Girl” which is one of the highest recognition a girl gets amongst her coworkers, which is a nice feeling. Right now I am three whistles shy of being number one *sigh* maybe one day… *hint hint*

See… today was a very very good day. Maybe I should let a man wake me up more often, cause I need more days like this!

Shoutouts:
Had a delicious wake up call from a brand new caller whom I have decided to call my Detroit stripper who pleasured a whole party of boys just cause his devious sister told them he would - hee hee I guess you’re obligated buddy - if they pay for it, you gotta do it….. {{mmmm later on after I watched the movie American Wedding I saw a part of the movie where one of the strippers was “Officer Krystal” who was a dominatrix and I was impressed with her stern meanness of being a Domme which got me in the mood for my next call}}… I got to be a mean kick ass Domme to a bad sissy cocksucking whore who sucked my cock so hard in his face that it hurt. And I didn’t take shit from him either. I felt like SUCH a badass after duplicating the performance of that actor — but I didn’t tell my pathetic sissy where I got the sudden transformation. And then tonight after getting back from my art class, Mr. Pretty-Please-May-I-Cum-Daddy called me for a WHOLE HOUR and made me strip naked and be his pretty little preteen girl since mommy was away for a week and I really wanted money to go to the mall - so I really had to work for it by flirting with my awesome daddy… and of course, sucking his cock - which of course is the best cock in the WHOLE WORLD *grins and giggles for her daddy*

**smooches, I love you all**
http://letmeseduceyou.com

Current Wardrobe: naked, except for some cookie dough on my breasts - I was baking!

Ok. Today is the big day. Aaron got his flowers - or so I hope. And I am too nervous to go and find out. I feel sooooo funny right now. If that is even the right word. I feel like… I need Pepto Bismol by the gallon… or… some MAJOR vodka or … something. I feel like a kid with a massive crush, it is embarrassing. But what can I say, this is the moment I have waited for and there is no turning back. Tomorrow night I will walk into Denny’s and cross my fingers. He HAS to make the next move and ask for my number. If he doesn’t, then well… he’s missing out on a very sweet passionate girl.

On another note… even though I have this insatiable crush on Aaron, I still have these unrequited feelings for yet another person - you all seem to remember him quite well since I mention him quite a bit … Dino. We had sex yesterday. He came over, we had a really deep talk about our emotions and stuff (all this time we never really talked about it) and we’re at this amazing understanding with one another which is really cool. He broke it off with that girl I saw him making out with at the club, cause he said she got too “clingy” and before you know it, me and him are fucking like animals in my bedroom last night. It was nice, no regrets, he held me, we cuddled. It was beee-au-tiful. Then we showered, I kissed him goodnight, he left, and I fucked on the phone all night. The thing is, even though Dino and I still have sex on a frequent basis, we both are obviously dating other people. He even gave me advice with Aaron, how freaky is that. But at least we are at an understanding, and that is all I wanted.

Ok, I am really nervous you guys.

It feels like… I can’t breathe. I am NEVER nervous like this. Sheesh. I mean, I have NO problem going up to a guy and asking him out. None. All I have to do is flirt a little, show a little skin, give a little wink - and I got a date. But this guy is different. I can’t even get over my shyness to even wink at him. Much less flirt with him. I get so shy it’s like my body turns into ice and I cannot move or think and it feels like I am a deer in headlights…. or as I like to say… a chicken who’s blindfolded walking around trying to feel her way around.

I cannot even describe into words how I feel right now. My tummy is talking to me. I hear it. I cannot even bring myself to eat because I am so freaking nervous. So I went in the kitchen and started baking some chocolate chip oatmeal cookies and they are in the oven right now. Yummmmy - now if only my hands would stop shaking long enough for me to eat them.

Shoutouts:
Had a delicious new call with a hot football player and I played a cheerleader in high school and we fucked in the shower in the locker room — way cooool! Mmm then I had a great call with my San Francisco sweetie who let me watch him jack off on cam and wooah he had this big beautiful cock that I could suck all day! I also had a fun call with my J-cup wearing panty sissy who let me tie him up to my bed and have my way with him with a strapon! And also had a great call with a new caller who wanted me to be his hot secretary and hypnotize him into being wrapped around my little finger, but he got a real-life work phone call (lol wouldn’t it be funny if it was his secretary) and had to cut it short… but mmm he’ll be back cause he’s wrapped around me
Love you guys! *smooches*

Current Wardrobe: plain white t-shirt, short black skirt, black pantyhose, black heels, white bra

I am such a wimp. I mean it. I am. Since New Years Eve night - which was eleven days ago - I have had a crush on a guy named Aaron. He is a waiter at Denny’s. I have a complete and utter crush on him. I find myself purposely going to Denny’s now like 5 times a week just hoping to talk to him. I go there for the coffee mostly cause it helps me stay awake and I don’t even have a coffee machine (can you believe it? Me??? No coffee machine?? And I go to starbucks everyday!) - but I also order a burger just so it gives me an excuse to sit there for about an hour and a half.

I used to go to Denny’s wearing just casual clothes with my hair in a sloppy ponytail with little or no makeup - but now I find myself wearing things a little more revealing, more sexy, more skin, etc. hoping to make Aaron glance my way. And the thing is, from any one else’s point of view, there is obvious attraction on both of our ends. When it’s slow, he actually sits beside me at the counter and drinks coffee with me. Sometimes we even go outside and smoke together. We have great conversation together, we both like the same video games, told great and humorous stories about our lives, etc. Great chemistry between us. But I still can’t bring myself to give him my phone number.

I went there last night feeling sexy and confident with the idea that I would FINALLY give him my number and just slip it to him. But I just couldn’t do it. I got so shy, I just froze up. He was super shy that night too and we barely said a few words. I never sit at his station because he doesn’t work the counter, the girls do (and I am great friends with the girls so it turns out we ALL have conversations together) so even though he technically isn’t “my” server - he still always refills my coffee, brings my food, gives me napkins, etc. He doesn’t have to, it’s like he makes an excuse to bring it to me. Or he will throw away an empty creamer container if it’s laying there. Sometimes he’ll just stop what he’s doing and just chat with me, but other times it just gets too busy. Anyway, I just couldn’t give him my number, I just froze up. If he was at least my server, I could leave my number with the tip, but another girl was my server.

We haven’t flirted with each other, it has been completely friendly and nonsexual… but last night he did something that “maybe” was flirting but I can’t tell. Maybe you guys will know? One of the girl servers asked me to watch her little belt bag which had her money in it so she could go to the bathroom and I told her I would watch it with my life and if someone would try to steal it I would kick their ass. Well Aaron overhears me say this and he immediately went to the bag, grabbed it, and ran off with it.

I should’ve ran after him. Damnit. *kicks herself for freezing up and just standing there like an idiot*

So…..

I decided that TONIGHT I would give him my number. I went in there sexy, looking nice, feeling less shy, etc. And what do ya know, the place was packed and we barely spoke a few words together cause he was running tables all night. I stayed for 2 hours hoping it would quiet down and it just didn’t. I guess that’s what happens on Saturday night. We were going to smoke together outside during his break, but he never got a break so I kind of felt bad. But even though he was super super busy, he still managed to fill my coffee 3 times, kept finding a reason to come to my little corner, etc. and made a comment about the book I was reading. LOL usually I don’t bring a book, but tonight I did just in case I was at a loss for words for conversation.

So tonight was a failure. He still doesn’t have my number. I am maybe 80% sure he is interested in me… his face lights up when I walk in, he always talks to me, he knows me by name, he finds a reason to always linger around where I am, and if the diner is slow he actually sits beside me. So I guess that is a sign.

But damnit. It’s like I completely freeze around this guy. And the thing is, he isn’t a “gorgeous” guy or a sexy guy you’d meet at a club. He is just a normal, average joe guy… nothing super attractive about him, nothing that makes you melt… but there is just SOMETHING about him that I am drawn to like a magnet. I just cannot explain it.

Help. *gulp*

Shoutouts:
Had a WHOLE HOUR with my sexy Sacramento latin lover who left me like a 30 minute tip after making me have multiple orgasms - thank you sooooooo much! Mmmm had a WHOLE HOUR with my Alaskan slave where I got to hypnotize him and make him feel sooo good and then he pleasured my tooooes, had a WHOLE HOUR with a wonderful new caller who let me hypnotize him in the most sensual seduction with sooo much orgasm denial, had a WHOLE HOUR with my Colorado screenwriter who makes me cum so so so much and I just enjoy our conversations hearing him talk about the newest movie he is writing, had a wonderful call with my Michigan State fan who made me cum over and over and I just loooved our call, had a sissy call with a sexy slut who wore a size J-cup bra filled wih rice, had a most delicious call with my 3-click boy where we went to Victoria’s Secret and I caught him in a lacy thong in the dressing room - very yummy, then I had a call with a bad naughty little sissy who wore adult diapers, then I did a brother/sister roleplay where I was kinda forced into it - woooah that was fun, had a hilarious call with my cuckold slut who was such a fairy faggot, had a wonderful cum call with my st. louis lover who I hadn’t heard from in months and he just pleasured me over and over and over, had several roleplays with one man who let me be his sister - then a schoolgirl - then we experimented with ageplay and being drunk, wooohoo then I dressed a crossdresser in pretty sexy feminine clothes and he came ALL over the place! I also had a great call as a married woman with kids who ended up fucking her dad when he came over drunk-lonely-horny! Then I had sex with my anal batboy while I was soaking in the tub and I had fun TRYING to put the shampoo in my ass but I never could get it in there - I guess my ass is too tight - but I did try, and mmmm had two wonderful calls with my sexy polite pussy eater who just pleasured my feet - my toes and my poor little swollen pussy - mmmmm yummmy thank you!

I love you all!

Current Wardrobe: Just a pair of very very wet panties

So I wake up this morning at like 4 am and my first thought was - where is my blanket and it turns out it was under my bed - have you ever slept under your covers and when you wake up your blanket is UNDER your bed? I don’t know HOW it got there, but somehow it did and I woke up shivering lol…. but it was all good, but by then I couldn’t get back to sleep.

I got up, checked my emails - read some of the sweetest letters from some of you, cleaned up some of my bedroom - you know, this whole room was clean 3 days ago, and already I can see little things starting to pile up on the desk. It literally is IMPOSSIBLE to keep things clean no matter how hard you try. Anyway yesterday I did a little grocery shopping, got two gallons of water instead of a thousand water bottles. I guess those small minor things make a big difference. And I went to Trader Joe’s and got some of those blue corn tortilla chips that have sesame seeds actually baked into the chip - all I can say is you guys HAVE to try them… they are organic too! Mmmm yummy!

Yesterday felt productive, I felt as if I was actually doing something - even though I do something every day, it still feels like nothing unless I actually have something to show for it the following day. Mmm true. So anyway I finished that Grace Kelly drawing for my friend and I went to the post office and mailed it off so he can get his belated christmas present… and while standing in line at the post office, the guy at the counter starts giving me the “eye” and it made me feel so uncomfortable. He looked like a 94 year old version of Woody Allen on crack rock. You see, I’m a bit of a creative person, so when I mail a package, I like to decorate it. Well I had printed out a sheet of paper with the words “the fucking bar” on it and it had a picture of one of the girls in beer mug and it just looked hot… well I am up there paying for the package and the guy starts asking me what I do for a living, am I single, etc. and I am like - uh dude… just give me my receipt. Then he starts commenting on the way the package looks and starts totally hitting on me. Like dude, he looked sooooo gross. Ew.w..w.w..w…

So after completely feeling this shiver go down my spine from this totally repulsive old man…

I go back to my apartment and check my email yet again and oooh mmmyyy GOD… I notice that one of my awesome, sexy, sweet, generous, hot, voice-melting worthy callers sent me $400 cash through paypal to help me out with rent. I think I just sat there completely speechless, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move…. sooooo grateful. My sexy Michigan State fan had sent me a sweet gift to help me since I could only afford to pay half of my rent, and this was such a blessing in disguise, my total guardian angel - thank you sweetie, I cannot tell you how thankful I am from the bottom of my heart. *hugs*

So you can imagine… I feel completely blessed, grateful, loved, appreciative.. soo happy… this morning when I finally got around to jogging, I went to starbucks and asked for a double shot of espresso in my normal white chocolate mocha venti - and omg it is soooo much better with an extra shot - so now I have to ask for the white chocolate mocha venti mesto - mmm like that word - mesto. Sounds so cool to say it. Mesto. Meeesto. Meeee-ee-ee-stooo. Mesto mesto. Hee hee. Mesto. I want mesto.

College starts on January 15th which is 9 days away and I want sooo bad to take a Drawing course. I was GOING to take the Drawing/Watercolor course too but I can’t afford both, but hopefully I can take at least the Drawing course which is like only $72 to enroll in since it is in a community college. I may sell my old computer monitor in a classified ad if someone would buy it so I can afford this class. I soooo want to take it. I have never been to college and this could be my big chance to learn something that I have loved for so long.

Anyway the class is every Thursday from 6:30-9:30pm so you guys won’t see me online during those times from January 15th through April the 1st which is a 12 week course. Can you imagine? Mmmmeee???? In college? Mmmmm I looove it! I *think* I’ll get 3 credits for the course, but I am not sure, I will find out when I go.

“It’s funny how we feel so much
But we cannot say a word
We’re screaming inside but
We can’t be heard…”
– Sarah McLachlan

Shoutouts:
OMG had TWO HOURS with my sexy Michigan State fan who totally let me have my favorite fantasy which is to tie a girl up in the woods and touch her mmmm love that Siberian bondage - wooowww soo hot thank you and we totally got to chat and get to know each other and that was the most special thing in the world! Also had a WHOLE HOUR with my tampa pantyboy making him so sexy and pretty in his little panties and fucking his ass hard with a strapon, had a hot call with a Hawaiian pantyboy who bellydanced for me and was sooo sexy, had a great time dressing up my pretty little Christy pantyboy who was absolutely adorable, had a romantic lovemaking call with my New York concert sweetie who just fucked me sooo hard and let me pick on his accent. *winks*

Current Wardrobe: Ok don’t laugh - I am wearing 2 pairs of socks, a pair of pink fuzzy slippers, cotton panties, a black shirt, a long-sleeved over shirt, flannel pajama bottoms, a huge leather jacket, and also am bundled in a blanket as I sit here in this chair.

It’s coooooooooooooooooold. BRRRRRRRRRRRR. It’s fucking colder than a witch’s tit in this room. I woke up even coughing *pouts* but at least my nipples are hard which I am sure is a turn-on enough for most of you horny boys. But fuck, I wish this apartment had a heater. I have an air conditioner, no heater. I think I am going to spend most of today couped up in my walk-in closet and bundle every blanket and pillow in there, since it seems to be the warmest spot in the place. So if you call me today, I can almost guarantee that I will be in the closet waiting for you. Hee hee…. coming out of the closet. LOL.. haha… Ok bad joke and it is too early in the morning to make sense - it’s like 5:30 and usually I go jogging at 7am but I swear there is NO WAY in the world I am going jogging if it is THIS damn cold in an hour and a half.

So what’s been going on with me?

Well…….. promise not to laugh? I’ve been actually watching VH1 almost twenty-four hours a day in between calls, my writings, my paintings, my drawings… and I have watched some fairly interesting shows, particularly the life of Nicole Simpson and also Christina Aguilera and even Pink. And I’ve been watching the “Fabulous Life of Britney Spears” and the “Fabulous Life of Justin Timberlake” etc. and I must say, I have always had a little bit of jealousy and resentment towards these younger stars, because they are my age and making millions of dollars, and look at me. They have their own chefs and maids and everything, and I can’t even find time to clean my own dishes. So I watched the shows just to get an understanding of the types of lives they lead and now I don’t feel so bad. It actually gave me some sort of sense of belonging to myself to see that I have learned how to be independent and am living the labored life and even though I like to buy nice things, I would never buy a $10,000 alligator purse. What are these girls thinking? One-hundred dollar shampoo???? A $13,000 bottle of wine?? Gee. I am happy with my bottle of Crown Royal thank you.

And guess who I heard from? Remember Bret? From before Christmas? The guy who came over and did everything BUT fuck me? Remember? For 16 hours we made out completely naked in my bed but did not have intercourse - remember how pissed I was that he teased me relentlessly? Well he wrote me last night. So do I give him another chance? HAHAHAHA - I didn’t think so.

I am going to go in my closet right now and warm up, I’ve been working on a charcoal drawing of Grace Kelly for a friend of mine as a belated Christmas present.

Shoutouts:
Had a great time with a sexy sissy slut who let me treat him like a bad bad little whore, had a sexy call with my awesome Michigan state fan who called me from his van again and was so scared someone would catch him and we both came so hard! And then he called me back and left me a 20-minute “gift call” as a sweet reward - thank you sweetie you are sooo sweet, mmmm then I had a WHOLE HOUR with my New York pantyboy who let me hypnotize and sissify him and he actually DID get a feminine doormat with *daisies* and I was so proud — now he has to get a pink toothbrush amongst other things - he better obey! Awww I am so bad.

I love you all *smooches*

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG….

My favorite art supply store just started a wish list program!!! OMG I think I about fainted and came all over my panties!!! I am the happiest girl in the whole wide world right now. I started a wish list on there,

so if you want
to spoil me with

one

itty

bitty

little

canvas….

I added the link to my “pamper me” page on my site at http://letmeseduceyou.com

Oh I could die right now. Pure bliss. Pure bliss.

And just to tease you all with a painting I did not too long ago …

…… and I updated the members area and you’ll see many new photos in the amateur area. Have fun boys!

Current Wardrobe: Naked in a smock

The last three days have been such a blessing for me. I have had the inspiration and an artist’s wrist for three entire days now. Usually I might do a painting maybe twice a month or something. But I have finished and completed three paintings which look semi-decent. You see, I got this book called “The Mammoth Book of Illustrated Erotica” and this book has some of the BEST erotic photography in the world, and I am just going insane painting things. I am looking at photos and getting my own creative style and inspiration from them. And then of course, when I watch the movie Gia in the background, it even adds to the moods of the paintings.

And these are my finest quality work yet, good enough to even possibly enter into the San Diego County Fair - which is one of the coolest contests ever. Last year my sister won first place in a drawing contest and won like $500 and she had spent nearly 6 months working on her drawing which is impeccible - she has always been better than me. And her husband won 3rd place for drawing and got $100 or something like that. Now clearly they are going to enter the drawing contest again. I don’t want to compete against them, because they are just remarkable.

But.

I do want to enter the PAINTING contest which they are not a part of. And even though I love the paintings I did, I want to spend months and months and months on one like they did so that I can possibly win, or even make a placement. I have never had anyone ever judge my work, much less critique it, or study it. So this is something I really truly want to do.

The fair is in June which gives me about 6 months to prepare for it. I know, you all must think I am crazy considering it is only January and I am already melting in my panties about an art contest in June. But this is huge. Over a million people went to the last fair and there are a lot of wealthy people who offer to buy people’s artwork and stuff and I think this could be my big chance. This could be my chance to make a name for myself with my art. I am very very very excited about this… and the inspiration to grab a paintbrush and mix paints has never felt stronger.

I am passionate about art in a way none of you could possibly understand. I rarely even talk about art, but it is very much a part of me. This is just something I have to do.

I am so freaking happy right now. I even hung up every single painting I ever painted since I moved here, and hung them up. So now my entire apartment screams — “art” and it feels like me, just everywhere.

I know, this is a journal entry and you guys want to hear about sex. But you know, this is me. I have a life away from sex, I have dreams just like the rest of you. And the ambition and drive is there, I just have to let the inspiration start colorizing itself
(((P.S. I was supposed to meet Ryan last night but his aunt died and he had a funeral to go to, so I am supposed to meet him today - Saturday. I will let you all know how it goes)))

Shoutouts:
Had a wonderful call with my Michigan State Fan who just wanted me to fuck the shit out of him before his family got home (that was waaay fun) mmmm and later I got a call from my ER pantyboy who looked so pretty in his panties. Sorry guys, I would have stayed logged in longer, but I literally passed out from exhaustion… but I should be on some more