Mmmm glances at the clock… it’s 7am and I’m still awake. Been up all night. Time flies when you’re having fun and being busy at the same time! On July 18th (four days ago), slave m moved in with me so we could finally start our lives together. I’ve waited such a long time to have a relationship like this, especially since I get to call all the shots and make my own rules and fuck who I want. Who wouldn’t want to live like that? It really is a dream come true.

People have asked me if having a slave means “bossing him/her around all the time,” and that kind of makes me laugh. I mean, sure, I tell him what to do and he obeys me. However, being in charge doesn’t necessarily mean being bossy. If I want something, say a bottle of water, I may say to him, “I’m thirsty, you know what to do.” He automatically stops whatever he is doing to bring me a cold bottle out of the fridge. He does it fast and obediently and with a smile on his face. And other times I may say to him, “Please pass me that over there.” That sometimes gets me thinking. Think about it for a moment. A dominatrix telling you to “please” do something? Some people may argue that Dommes never should say please because it is a sign of weakness, but I disagree. I believe that saying please is neither weak, nor strong, but simply a sign of respect. Sometimes I say it. Sometimes I don’t. Regardless of if I say it, the point is… the request will be obeyed.

And the whole uppercase/lowercase thing… sigh. If I’m on IM or email and speaking with one of my many slaves, then sure I’ll play the “text character” they want to see (or perhaps how I’m feeling at the time). But in my journal, I use it off and on because I don’t necessarily feel I’m speaking to someone, more like… speaking from my own head and it just so happens people may read it. I get confused when I’m asked to reply to someone and I’m not sure which capitalization method to use. It’s a pain in the ass. Domination is my life, so being asked to type text in a way that conforms to people’s perceptions of “true domination” is really ridiculous. I’ll write the way I want. Don’t like it? Don’t read it.

So much is going on right now that I’m really behind. I’m still working on mp3s that Mistress Alexandra and I recorded together and it’s aggravating because I really want to start working on my own stuff already. It’s been two months and my customers miss hearing my solo projects. It’s just with all my traveling, studying, and a long list of obligations in my personal life, I fell really behind. With slave m here, I’m finally getting some extra help to start catching up. He’s in audio training right now, learning all the tricks of the trade and I’m hoping within another 24-48 hours, I’ll release the last of the duet mp3s (excluding the one that comes out in October) to the public. After that, I am definitely going to start doing my solo mp3s.

My father has been waiting a great deal of time for me to publish his book and his patience has finally run out. I feel bad because he gave me the manuscript and I told two years ago I would publish it for him as a Christmas present. I kept running out of time. I really want to finish it, but I need to create solo recordings first because that’s what pays my bills (the catch 22 is that working on solo recordings right now is unfair to Alexandra who has been waiting for 2 months for me to finish editing these in post-production.) I had other obligations to other people who would ask me, “Have you done this for me yet?” or people saying, “I really need you to do this, you’re the only one I trust to do this and it has to be done now.” It’s really gotten to the point where I’m about to get really selfish because it seems all I do is help other people out and although the rewards can be nice, it is emotionally and physically draining. Last week I made a last-minute trip to California to help my mom get conservatorship rights over my brother. She was worried that without my eye-witness testimony, she may not win. She was such a nervous wreck when I arrived that she was in no condition to configure her legal paperwork. I traveled all the way from Indiana just to put together paperwork that proved 36 inaccuracies in the Court Investigator’s report to hand to her lawyer… and he didn’t even look at them! My testimony wasn’t needed in court. Hell, I wasn’t really needed at all when push came to shove. And yet, my bill for going there costed me over $1500 out of pocket. Not to mention the $8000 I spent there the first trip earlier this month. That money adds up.

I had intended to use that money to get a hotel in London. But because of several “this comes first” things, I haven’t paid for the hotel yet, which sucks. Can you imagine taking a plane out of country and not acquiring a decent hotel? Ah yes, I can hear my dad now, “Why are you going to London when you promised you’d work on my book? I thought you didn’t have time.” And although he hasn’t said it verbally, I know he is thinking it. And the thing is, I earned my London trip. I told myself that once I lost 100 lbs, I would go to London to celebrate my “getting to my half-way goal” and I’m not quite there, but very close (lost 90 lbs). I’ll have lost that amount when I return though. Unfortunately while I was in California, I got sucked back in to all my favorite restaurants and fatty/delicious foods and fell off track for a while. So I’ve worked it off and am back where I started a month ago. Sad, huh? Being in Indiana feels so much like home that it actually FEELS easier to drop the pounds here.

And slave m has a court obligation on July 25th which requires a quick trip back to Virginia. And since I’m the bread-earner around here, it’s my duty to make sure he gets there and back. It’s one thing after another. His laptop crashed. We found out it’s cheaper to buy a new computer than fix it. So I bought (with credit card) a new Intel iMac and am using that for me and am letting him use my older computer. Oh yeah, my older computer burned it’s power supply the same day his laptop crashed, so I had to replace that too. Running to and from stores to buy technical stuff is an all-day job, especially in this town. And people wonder where my time goes.

The list of people “needing” things from me is to the point I just want to shut off all communication. I understand that people need things. Perhaps I shouldn’t have offered my services to begin with. People can (and have) survived without me.

So for now, I am going to do what has to be done and thankfully I have a slave helping me with the burden. It really REALLY makes a difference and I’m very thankful to have him here. Even before I woke up this morning, he was upstairs setting up a parallel windows program on my mac so that I could use my windows-platform programs on the computer without having to repurchase a bunch of new items (for right now). Isn’t that sweet? I didn’t even have to ask him. That really surprised me and started my day beautifully.

I released the duet mp3, “Sensual Massage” earlier this morning. Also I added livejournal tags to the last 45 entries for more convenient navigation.

By the way I had sex with a hot, petite stripper with cute tits and a tight little ass when I was in Anaheim last week. I don’t even know what her real name is, how sad is that? I actually made a video blog of the “night after” in the hotel room and if I have time (low on priority list) I’ll post it.

I’m slowly turning slave m into a cuckold. Last night while cuddled in bed, I said, “I bet so-and-so is better in bed than you are.” This caught him off guard, but not surprising to me, aroused him a great deal. I’ve been calling him other names during intimate moments and after first initial shock, he acknowledges his inadequacies and that a Goddess likes me deserves variety.

Love
Isabella
xxoxooxox