I spent the wee hours of the morning freedancing to live Reggae music. The band Spiritual Res played at the Bluebird last night. I thought it would be nice to get out of the house and let a superficial high numb my emotions for a bit.
I won’t lie, this fucking hurts like a bitch. So much for a year of sobriety. Not all fairytales have happy endings.
I would have wiped the stamp off, but I needed it to replace another scavenger hunt photo.
Love
Isabella
xoxooxx
I just wasted 9 months of my life training someone who wasn’t ready.
For those who wanted to see us fail, you got your wish.
This is all I am going to say about it. I will not discuss details or reasons or other things, because I believe that some things are better behind closed doors without being under public scrutiny. I will get over it. I will move on. I am resilient and can do anything with or without a slave. My search for the ideal slave will resume again.
Call Me When You’re Sober by Evanescence
Don’t cry to me
If you love me
You would be here with me
You want me
Come find me
Make up your mind
Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself
Can’t keep believing
We’re only deceiving ourselves
And I’m sick of the lie
And you’re too late
Don’t cry to me
If you love me
You would be here with me
You want me
Come find me
Make up your mind
Couldn’t take the blame
Sick with shame
Must be exhausting to lose your own game
Selfishly hated
No wonder you’re jaded
You can’t play the victim this time
And you’re too late
So don’t cry to me
If you love me
You would be here with me
You want me
Come find me
Make up your mind
You never call me when you’re sober
You only want it cause it’s over
It’s over
How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine
So don’t cry to me
If you love me
You would be here with me
Don’t lie to me
Just get your things
I’ve made up your mind
Love
Isabella
xooxoxox
P.S. This time I am turning off comments because truth is, I don’t want anyone’s opinion on this matter. I don’t want or seek sympathy or “I told you so’s” or anyone asking personal information. I don’t want hugs. I don’t want emails. I just want a nice, stiff alcoholic drink.
I’ve spent the last 4 or 5 days writing the detailed script for “Zero Gravity” and this morning I finally finished it. Now all it needs are some finishing touches and tweaking and I can begin recording. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have it ready for recording. Woohoo! The more I worked on it, the more research I ended up doing, which is compelling me to create a sequel to it or even make it a trilogy. I have no idea if this will be the only one or if I’ll add on to it. It’s soooo cool, I can see myself listening to it all the time. *sigh* I just can’t believe it took so long to write.
The last two days I’ve been writing the script at Starbucks between 2am-9am (thank goodness for 24-hour coffee shops) so I can get even more inspiration. I know it sounds weird, but sometimes I get better inspiration being somewhere else besides home. Sure my home is nice and it’s clean and well taken care of, but sometimes I procrastinate or become too relaxed (whether watching tv or just finding other priorities) to get working. So when I go to Starbucks, my focus is entirely on scriptwriting which only intensifies my efforts. This morning, at the eve of twilight, I snapped these photos with my camera phone. Quality not so great, but thought I’d share my morning with ya 
Here I am drinking hot green tea… mmm yummy!
And below, concentrating on putting words together on the computer…
Not that it’s important, but I think I’m becoming addicted to hot tea. I tried it for the first time when I was in London and now I’ve really acquired the taste for it. I think I’m liking it as much or equal to coffee (especially with non-fat milk and some calorie-free sweetener). And it sure is a lot healthier.
Love
Isabella
xoxoxoox
This is my first attempt at an HDR photo. After reading everything I could get my hands on (including buying an e-book giving me step-by-step instructions), I spent a few hours really trying to “grasp the concept.” I’m not sure how correct it is, but I sure tried hard. Practice makes perfect and you gotta start somewhere.
I used 10 exposures with varying shutter speeds:
Finished thumbnail:
Then I converted them with an HDR processor. This is where it’s supposed to get tricky. When I combined all the photos, it didn’t “pop” like it was supposed to. Maybe it was because I had my camera set to A-Depth Perception instead of on Aperature or Program. But next time I’ll tinker with the other settings. So what I did was grab items from the underexposed photos and placed them into the new hdr image and switched overexposed areas so that everything would pop. I’ve been looking at it for a long time and it looks ok, but sometimes it seems the longer I look at it, the more work it needs. I’m not sure. But I’ll post it anyway cause it’s my first one.
Love
Isabella
xoxooxox
I am bound and determined to learn HDR so I can create even better photos.
Darren Stone took these shots and I am floored:
Photos courtesy Darren Stone a.k.a Lightgazer
I am in awe. I want (and will) learn the art of creating those types of exposures. So many communities of people create HDR photos and I’ve only recently been introduced to it.
Love
Isabella
xoxoxox
I have rib bones, hip bones, and a skeleton. Who knew? Geez.
This is the first time since I was 16 years old that I can actually press into my torso and feel my ribcage. This is kinda cool. Hell, I might even have a pubic bone if I feel for it.
Love
Isabella
xoxooxx
This is the first time I’ve posted latex pics in my journal. Enjoy!
Love
Isabella
xoxoxox
I snapped some pics this morning…
Think red looks ok on me?
(These photos are simply thumbnails because they were kinda blurry when I snapped them.)
Love
Isabella
xoxoxoox
Yesterday someone asked me a simple question and it kinda stumped me lol. They asked what the first steps I take to make a recording. Easy question, right? I make mp3s all the time. Sometimes the idea just pops in my head and I make notes, write a script, then record. Sometimes, no script - just a pad of paper with pre-written triggers and suggestions I want to use. Other times, the idea is inspired by members of the Brainstorm Vault. Members there share lots of creative ideas and my next recording was inspired by a member named Ariel.
But each recording has a different beginning or a different inspiration so I thought that I’d share my starting point here.
In the past, I’ve avoided sharing my ideas before I’ve completed the finished product because there are people who love to check out my journal and think to themselves, “What’s Isabella doing now? I better do it too cause all her ideas are successful! I’ll just do something similar to her but not outright copy her.” Well, I’m not going to let that stop me because people have and always will copy me. And truth is, who else will inspire them, if not me? I mean, people DO have to learn from the best, right? It seems like everyone nowadays is attempting brainwashing and getting certifications as hypnotists. Even the women at Jenny Craig beg me to teach them my work. They’ve called me at home to ask me flat out, “I want to do what you do! Teach me cause I could really use the money.” Sometimes I just say, “Go to google and look up hypnosis.” But they want details. Where I get my equipment. What phrases to say. Where to advertise. How and where to get customers. How to do voice-over layers and other stuff. The workers there are seriously considering quitting their jobs to be hypnotists because they assume that since I make money, then they will too if they copy (or *ahem* “learn from”) my work. No offense, but I have no intention of training girls who may one day be my competition. People ask to come into my recording studio (even if just to listen) so they can “learn.” Hell, everyone “learns” from me. Everyone that comes into my recording studio has left as an improved person with more money or more skills. I change people’s lives (great for them), but I’m tired of watching people striving to BECOME ME. I’ve really grown tired of it. Last thing we need is a dozen Isabella-wannabe’s all over the internet. There really isn’t room for clashing Goddesses when there’s only one perfection. I shouldn’t have to apologize for being negative, I guess all the copying bullshit is getting to me. But I apologize anyway in case this hurts people’s feelings.
Maybe I’ll kick myself later for posting this picture, but whatever. I’m not going to stifle my creativity out of fear others might outright steal it. Speaking of stealing, people have illegally posted my mp3s all over Torrent websites. I’ve threatened legal action (even hired a lawyer) against the sites, but since they’re located in Sweden, there’s nothing I can do about it since technically no laws are being broken. So now I’m going to be posting “fake-mp3’s” all over the internet for people who like to steal my work. So there.
Here are my notes about “Zero Gravity”:
Love
Isabella
xoxoxoxo
P.S. Funny thing is, by posting this, I expect all the other so-called hypnotists to start drawing out their ideas too. hahahaa… They’re all puppets. I’ve got the strings. It’s so fun playing God.
Erotic Hypnosis MP3: Under My Spell
You are My rich boyfriend and today is our 2nd year anniversary as a couple. After you give Me a beautiful expensive gift, I proceed to give you a very… special gift. The gift of hypnosis. However, the more I hypnotize you, the more I start to manipulate you and make you fall completely in love with Me.
My goal is to watch you become obsessed, addicted, and completely in love with My power and control. And the stronger you allow Me to become, the weaker and more helpless you get.
Feel your body shrink into smallness as I place you in My glorious cleavage. Be engulfed by My beautiful breasts which hypnotize you to become even more helpless to My commands. Although this mp3 has financial domination, there are no direct suggestions to purchase more recordings or send me money.
This recording is twice as long as most of my recordings (one full hour) and the price is still the same. This mp3 includes many double binds, presuppositions, mind manipulation, and whisper tracks. Please use stereo headphones to get the best effects since binaural background audio is used in left and right ears.
Note: After nearly a year, this is My new personal favorite recording. Special thank you to My real-life slave, slave maurice, for co-writing this with Me. With My knowledge of NLP and hypnosis and his longing for enslavement and love, W/we came up with something that truly is beautiful and powerful. I couldn’t have done this without him.
Fetishes include:
Erotic hypnosis, breast and cleavage fetish, love and addiction, girlfriend and deep love fetish, slavery, servitude, submission, becoming weak and helpless, watching me become more powerful and strong, shrinking and giantess fetish, breaking down your mask as a “powerful man,” mind manipulation, enslavement to My voice, financial domination, orgasm command, and showing you a brand new reality.
Play free sample below (Use stereo headphones!)
Format: MP3 Download
Sound Quality: Professional First-Rate
Vocal Sound Effects: Only background
Prop Sound Effects: Few
Soft Background Music: Yes
Overdubbing Vocals: Yes
Length: 61 minutes
Zip File Size: Approx. 115 MB - LARGE file
Price: $35.00
I’ve never been much of a club-hopper. Since starting my diet 10 months ago, I’ve rarely gone to bars or clubs at all. Last night though, I stepped out of my box.
Last night I hooked up with my good friend (sort of my best friend here in Bloomington), Rick, for a night on the town. Usually we go to Uncle Elizabeth’s, the only gay bar in this neck of the woods, but we were so bored there that we began club-hopping throughout the night. First stop, Uncle E’s (I was miserable cause there were no girls there, only guys). Second stop, the Irish Lion, a nice little joint to get some pub grub past midnight. Then we went next door to the Crazy Horse where the girls all wore short sundresses (all the women looked like party girls from some Cinemax movie). I was the ONLY girl wearing pants. Twilight zone. However one particular lady had my attention. An off-duty bartender in a white dress kept singing songs with the music playing while looking and pointing me (for instance: “All I want for christmas is youuuuuu) and although the music (why on earth were they playing that one christmas song in late August?) threw me off-guard, the girl sure had me hooked. I went outside to get some fresh air and she came out there too and I blurted out, “You are gorgeous.” She looked at me with an expression that said “I’m flattered and stunned.” So I said to her, “Like, drop dead gorgeous.” And then she leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I told her she made my night and she said that I made hers. The thing is, the Irish Lion and the Crazy Horse are both STRAIGHT bars. And I was sort of nervous approaching the girls because, well… at straight bars, I sometimes fear getting outright slapped for saying some of the things I say, especially because I include so much sexual innuendo. It’s not like I’m outright vulgar (although I used to be). But sometimes I just wanna grab some ass.
After feeling slightly woozy from the kiss, Rick wanted to go up the street to the Blue Bird cause he thought the the Crazy Horse had only women and he wanted to see some guys. Now I gotta tell you all… the Blue Bird has a great variety of men, women, older people, younger people, small people, big people, and everyone dresses differently. We were VERY happy with this choice. There, guys were flirting with me left and right (yeah, it was a straight bar) and I practically had to push them off me with a stick. Literally. One particular guy kept grabbing my ass and my crotch. At first he came up behind me as if dancing with me (we were listening to a live band named “Crash”) and then he began to heavily grope me. I pushed his arms off me and told him to stop (in a friendly way). Second time he did it, I got a little more “in-your-face” and told him to stop. Third time he did it, I turned around and said, “Stop it and I fucking mean it,” and looked straight into his eyes. I told him I was gay and wasn’t interested. He said, “I have a giant penis.” I swear, he was so drunk, he just missed the point. He kept apologizing, but he KEPT doing it. About the sixth or seventh time, Rick stepped in for me.
The rest of the night, guys were trying to grab at my ass and stuff. Geez. Is it always like that at straight clubs? How come girls don’t come up to me and grab my ass? I tried flirting with a few girls, but then their boyfriends joined them. Figured. And the girls who did seem “girl-friendly” were soooo not my type (they seemed more like cutesy little college chicks who fit into the prep crowd).
The band “Crash” is extremely talented. They have a Dave Matthews sound and flavor. The bass player kept winking at me cause I was on the front row and he kept looking at my breasts. That was ok, at least he wasn’t groping me like the guy behind me. The band member who REALLY intrigued me though, was the drummer. A black man with dreadlocks who beat those drums like nobody’s business. He would do 6 minute drum solos as fast as he could and it turned me on! By the end of the night, I blurted to him, “I bet you could fuck for hours. The way you play those drums, you just never stop!” And he laughed and said he got that all the time. Then he said, “Watch this!” And he began to wring his shirt and sweat just poured out of the fabric into a big puddle. Rick had a bit of a crush on him play those drums, so he said a few things to him and said, “Party at my house!” haha but the drummer just laughed. We had a great time listening to the band (great saxophonist) and I know I’ll be back, but maybe next time I won’t have some pervert molesting me.
People have asked what kind of girl attracts me. Well that depends. If I’m masturbating, pretty much any thin girl with tits, pussy, and ass will get me off.
But when it comes to people that attract me in LIFE, I have to feel some sort of chemistry with them through attraction AS WELL as intelligence. I like a smart woman. The intellectual factor is very important to me. I’m not attracted to dumb girls, stupid blondes, “I’ll agree with everything” brunettes, or “I’ll just follow” redheads. The kind of girl that stimulates me is… well…. if I had to choose a celebrity that sort of “fits the look” then I like the Janeane Garofolo type. Someone smart and educated and likes to have fun, but doesn’t act like a total ditz when she goes out to a club. Glasses are a turn-on but not a requirement (they add a look of intelligence). And I like someone who can hold their own in a conversation. The smarter a person is, the more in awe I am. I love geeks, book-readers, and people who can write one hell of a research paper. Hey, it’s true. Find me a woman with degrees that cover a whole wall and I’m in heaven. Don’t even get me started on female teachers. Wow. In the past, I’d be focusing on THEM more than the schoolwork and it would distract me to the point of insanity. In one particular psych class, I was so smitten with the teacher, I told myself I would not masturbate at all unless I aced every test, homework assignment, or exam. I was in a constant state of denial, but turned on none-the-less. In order to reach my potential (as female teachers turn me on WAY too much) I’ve picked male teachers. The downside to that is they end up being distracted by ME cause apparently I just cast a spell on everyone. 75% of all the male teachers I’ve had propositioned me after class for some sort of spanking, sexual domination experience, or a hypnosis session (I denied them all, of course). It’s really eerie. But at least I earned A’s.
Physically, I’m not very much into bigger girls (kinda hypocritical since I’m not at my goal weight yet, but as long as the girl’s smaller than me, I’m attracted). I prefer brunettes, but I’ve met some blondes who blow me away. Not much into reds. Since I’m average height, I like a girl whose eyes meet mine. Girls who wear casual clothes turn me on a lot because I get the “lesbian” feel from them, more than girls in high heels and a short dress (although that IS hot). Curvy is always hot, but I’ve met girls with straight and narrow bodies with no curve at all who were downright jaw-dropping. Breast size doesn’t really matter. I like them all. I like shaved or trimmed pussies cause too much hair grosses me out (it’s like trying to maneuver my mouth in a patch of weeds or something). But my favorite attribute on a girl is her butt. I like a nice grabbable butt.
Oh yeah. Only one requirement. She’s gotta be as much into me as I’m into her. No more and no less. I’m serious about that one. If I don’t feel a mutual bond, I’m out.
I was the designated driver, so that’s water I’m holding. Photos of Rick and I sitting at the bar at the Irish Lion:
(Photos taken with my camera phone)
Love
Isabella
xoxoxox
Erotic Hypnosis: Nebulous
I love the word nebulous. It describes being indistinct and vague. It’s the state I strive to lead people when they’re experiencing a deep state of hypnosis.
In this mp3 recording, I spent several days writing an extremely detailed script which has an extensive amount of double binds, presuppositions, and other NLP techniques to help you go deep into trance.
For best effects, please use stereo headphones (instead of speakers) to enjoy this recording. The reason this is so important is because of the binaural method used to make this recording. In the left ear, I am hypnotizing you with my power and strength. In the right ear, I am you trying to resist me. Eventually the resistance wears off and all words become binds as you become weaker. Background whispers help deepen your trance as you drift further down into hypnosis.
This has a highly effective confusion technique method. If you liked the confusion technique used in Mind Trap, you might like this. If you liked the softness and replayability of Lose Yourself, then you may also appreciate this too. This is designed to appeal to all genders, so women may enjoy this too!
There is no mention of Goddess, worship, slavery, or finances. However, it welcomes you into submission and erotic hypnosis in a very clever and unique way. Whether you choose to ejaculate, be denied, or simply listen without masturbating is completely up to you. This recording is designed to please just about anyone (and I gotta tell you, this took me pretty deep).
Fetishes include:
Erotic hypnosis, hypnotic poetry, submission, double binds, confusion technique, NLP, presuppositions, extreme hypnotic comparisons, resistance breakdown, sensual hypnotic power, experiencing sleep and weakness, and losing control.
Play free sample below (Use stereo headphones!)
Format: MP3 Download
Sound Quality: Professional First-Rate
Vocal Sound Effects: Many
Prop Sound Effects: No
Soft Background Music: No
Overdubbing Vocals: Yes
Length: 25 minutes 36 seconds
Zip File Size: Approx. 48 MB
Price: $35.00
I’ve just released a brand new erotic hypnosis mp3 titled “Nebulous” which took me four times as long to produce than most of my recordings. Gotta admit I’m pretty proud of this one. It took me down very deep. This will be one of those rare mp3s that I listen to repeatedly.
Hope you all enjoy it as much as I do! As with all my products, you can hear a free sample to see if it appeals to you. Listen to free sample and read more info about the contents of the mp3. Be sure to wear your stereo headphones when listening to the sample because it has lots of binaural sounds.
Love
Isabella
xoxoxoxo
I’ve now gotten 3 speeding tickets in LESS THAN A YEAR here in Indiana. Three different cops. Three different cities. SAME HIGHWAY. Each time I was traveling the speed of traffic. I swear they have a vendetta against me. Is it because I don’t flirt with them and act like they’re gods? Is it because I am a strong, powerful woman who doesn’t bat her eyelashes and say, “Can I blow you, officer?”
Sorry but I’d rather get a ticket than bow to a man. Not only that, I am convinced that most police officers (here in Indiana) have such low self-esteems, they attend police academy in hopes to fulfill their insatiable desires for respect. Maybe they were teased as children. Maybe their parents didn’t give them dessert. Now they take their frustrations out on everyone and demand to be noticed as “The almighty policeman.”
Oh yeah? Well I’m the almighty lesbian and the real power is between my legs (oh yeah, and my brain too). I don’t need police academy to make me powerful.
Grrr.
Why can’t a policewoman pull me over? At least then I’d be more inclined to flirt with her and possibly be let off with a warning.
When I lived in California, officers would let me off with a warning most of the time, because speed of traffic is widely considered ok. In fact, if you’re HOLDING UP traffic, you’re more likely to get a ticket than for speeding. But here in Indiana, the police department is ass backwards. It doesn’t matter how respectful I am or how kind I act to them, they are determined to make my life a living hell. I’m convinced it’s because I don’t flirt with them. Sorry, but I’m not going to flirt with a penis who thinks he’s better than me. I’d rather pay the $150.
Love
Isabella
xoxooxox
I’m a member of a Monthly Scavenger Hunt group on Flickr. There are over 1600 members, so right now approx. 30,000 photos have been submitted (and more to come last minute). If you like scavenger hunts, you should join it too cause it’s really fun to be imaginative and creative.
For the month of August, there was an “s” theme using these words:
1. Sad
2. Scene of the crime
3. Scratch
4. Shaken not stirred
5. Shopgirl
6. Smile
7. Smuggling
8. Soda can
9. Someone taking a picture of you and vice versa
10. Someone wearing flip flops
11. Something smells
12. Sorry
13. Spaghetti
14. Spider
15. Stamp
16. Star
17. Step in and stand clear of closing doors
18. Street named after someone famous
19. Suit of armor
20. Swoon
Here are my 20 photos:
#1 Sad — Thinking of Her:
#2 Scene of the Crime — Woman Getting Arrested for Shoplifting:
#3 Scratch — Be Nice, Kitty:
#4 Shaken, Not Stirred — Shaken, Not Stirred:
#5 Shopgirl — Too Much Shopping:
#6 Smile — Million-Dollar Smile:
#7 Smuggling — Got Crack?
#8 Soda Can — Thirsty in San Francisco:
#9 Someone taking a photo of you while you take a photo of them — Hello Me 
#10 Someone wearing flip flops — Homeless in San Francisco:
#11 Something Smells — Was It You?
#12 Sorry — Sorry, I Didn’t Vote for Him:
#13 Spaghetti — Love Pasta:
#14 Spider — Spider
(This is a bit overexposed for my taste, but it’s the only spider photo I have.)
#15 Stamp — Rights for All:
#16 Star — Smile for the Papparazzi:
#17 Step in and stand clear of doors — Don’t Fall:
#18 Street named after someone famous — Princess Diana Walk:
#19 Suit of Armor — Ancient Armor:
#20 Swoon — Just a Glance:
Love
Isabella
xoxoxooxo
P.S. Or you can view them here as well to read descriptions on each.
Brain Conditioning MP3: Destruction of Ego
The only way to truly be a slave is to first realize you are nothing. You are not a man. You are pathetic, weak, and powerless.
In this recording, I crush your ego in a thousand ways, each time hitting you where it hurts. The entire recording involves reframing, mind manipulation, and NLP techniques to destroy your delusions of manhood. Powerful women control you and always have. In the left ear, you hear the word “weak”. In the right ear, you hear “pathetic.” In the center, you hear “idiot.”
Many times people may call you names and although it sounds humiliating at the time, perhaps no one has told you exactly WHY they are saying the things they are. In this recording, I give you every reason in the world why you truly are useless as a man and how it applies to you in your everyday life.
Fetishes include:
Brain conditioning, invasive techniques, brainwashing, hypnosis, mind manipulation, brain trickery, namecalling, verbal humiliation, deceitful post-hypnotic suggestions, female superiority, male inferiority, shaving your pubic hair, financial domination, and collapsing your delusions of grandeur.
*Note* Due to the effects and binaural sounds in this recording, it is highly suggested you use stereo headphones to get the MAXIMUM effect when listening to this.
Play free sample below (Use stereo headphones!)
Format: MP3 Download
Sound Quality: Professional First-Rate
Vocal Sound Effects: Yes
Prop Sound Effects: No
Soft Background Music: No
Overdubbing Vocals: Yes
Length: 29 minutes, 42 seconds
Zip File Size: Approx. 56 MB
Price: $35.00
OMG…. I just found the coolest fucking link ever.
And I get to ruin a man’s life all day for my sadistic pleasures. I FUCKING LOVE IT. I’ve spent the last 45 minutes just fucking with the guy and watching him get mad. This is soooo cool. If you feel like pissing someone off, this is the coolest way to do it.
I swear, it’s so addictive. I love watching him scream and storm off and slam the door so the frame falls off the wall. It’s so funny. And sometimes he crawls under his desk and cries. hahahahaa
I love pressing the phone over and over hahahaa. Every time it ends, I start it back over and press the different things cause he has so many responses. Whenever the SAME thing is pressed consistently, it turns hilarious.
One entry I still find amusing is this one
where I am slowly coming out of my shell from a submissive to a dominant.
Looking back now, I see I’ve always had a dominant streak. I was raised to be a leader, not a follower. Even when I was 14 years old, my father and I owned and edited our own magazine which was quite successful. Being in charge and setting my own path was always something I did and loved it. But there were other situations growing up where I often felt other people did things “better” whether it was looking physically sexier, wearing better things, or having some sort of physical remnant associated with their success. Therefore, it would only seem natural for me to turn into a “follower” of such people. If I saw someone wearing something expensive, it would seem “my place” to just listen to them because deep down, I figured they knew more than me.
My philosophy has drastically changed. In that previous entry, I was struggling with submission and domination. At the time, I considered myself submissive simply because I liked having my arms pinned down. Go figure. It was only then that I realized that maybe submission didn’t feel so natural anymore and felt forced. Today, domination is my life. I live it and breathe it. The only time I ever feel submissive in any way is around a beautiful woman. Sometimes I want to dominate her and sometimes I want to submit to her. Can’t explain it.
The thing is, I still like my arms pinned down, but in a very different way. I like to be the one commanding the person to do it to me. I like the control I have when I give the other person the illusion of control. Sometimes I tell slave m to spank me really hard and while he’s doing it, I am humiliating him by saying, “Is that as hard as you can hit, you fucking pussy? You hit like a girl.” Anytime I ever feel any ounce of submission, it’s only when deep down I know I am in the dominant position although the other person only BELIEVES I am being submissive. Mentally, it’s a huge turn-on.
I’ve said for the longest time that years ago I started out as a submissive. Funny thing is, I was never actually submissive in my personal sex life. However, I was submissive when I did phone sex on the phone in certain fantasy situations. It turned me on to hear other men act like they were in control of me without actually having to do things like suck their cocks or whatever. Just the idea of sucking a cock makes me want to puke. I’ve never liked it and I’m not even turned on by penises.
But when I see a woman, I get so aroused, the power within me completely melts. I forget all about domination and submission. Some women, I can instantly dominate and feel completely in control. I’ve whipped, spanked and dominated dozens of women in real life. However, sometimes I can meet a woman (even though she is submissive) and feel completely helpless and powerless to her. It’s like she has some sort of spell on me. It’s as though I lose all my thoughts and plans and become a puddle to her. Slave deidre is a prime example. She’s extremely submissive and yet when I’m around her in real life, my legs turn to jelly and my dominant side struggles to come out. And yet, when I THINK about her, I am in full control. I feel like she is on her knees looking up at me and I am tugging at her hair or binding her up so she’s naked and vulnerable.
However, on the opposite side of the coin, sometimes I just give into the feelings of submitting to a woman. One Mistress I’ve submitted to is Miss Devon. I love spoiling her. I send her cash whenever she demands it. She humiliates me. She teases me relentlessly and in return I’d buy her gifts off her wishlist. I am in awe of her and she knows I always will be. She often tells me she wants me to submit to her in real life and I laugh it off. I mean, in fantasy it seems like a helluva lot of fun. But she knows I’m a dominatrix too and I think it tickles her that she holds the cards when it comes to controlling me. And she does.
And then there’s other times I want to neither be in control or submit and I get off just hearing a woman orgasming. I’ve done calls with Angela St. Lawrence (also a great friend and confidant), Angelena69 (wow that Latina voice, she is a great friend too who I’ve called off the system), Hypnotic Savannah (called for hypnosis one time, sweet girl, nice southern drawl. I’ve also done some flash animations for her), Mistress Lycia (called for hypnosis initially then changed my mind and just wanted to hear her get off and I definitely came hard. We’ve also done recordings together), Wet n Wild Maria (I’ve listened to her recordings and that girl cums hard - I’ve also done graphics for her)… just to name a few.
And for years when I worked at other companies, I did threesome and foursome calls with other girls (free for me cause the client would pay for the calls and I would participate). I got off hearing the other girls, whether they were being dominant or submissive or just hearing them orgasm.
I’ve come to the realization that around women, I have switch personalities. When I’m around men, it’s all about me dominating them cause I think they’re all pussies.
Love
Isabella
xoxooxx
Erotic Hypnosis MP3: Goodnight Pantyboy
* This idea inspired by the Brainstorm Vault*
It’s so easy to sleep when you hear Isabella whispering in your ear every night. In this lullaby hypnosis recording, you can hear Isabella’s voice throughout the night as you drift asleep.
During your sleep, Isabella tells you how wonderful you feel wearing feminine things like soft, silky panties, a bra, pantyhose, and even high heel shoes. You are given post-hypnotic suggestions to wear feminine clothes more often, especially panties underneath your clothes when you go to work.
Learn to accept the female part of you who enjoys these types of things. Allow yourself the pleasure of experiencing feminization while you sleep so while you’re awake, you feel more natural dressing like a girl.
This mp3 is designed to be played on repeat, so you can listen throughout the night without interruption. For best results, play this on repeat every night as you begin to notice how wonderful it feels to be feminized.
Fetishes include:
Erotic hypnosis, soft lullaby singing in background, sleeping hypnosis, sensual feminization, wearing bras, wearing panties, wearing pantyhose, wearing high heels, loving your body the way it is as you accept your inner female personality, loving lingerie, post-hypnotic suggestions to wear lingerie in public under clothes (bra optional), and learning how to love the fabric against your body.
*Note* Use stereo headphones to get the MAXIMUM effect when listening to this.
Play free sample below (Use stereo headphones!)
Format: MP3 Download
Sound Quality: Professional First-Rate
Vocal Sound Effects: Yes
Prop Sound Effects: No
Soft Background Music: Yes
Overdubbing Vocals: Yes
Length: 33 minutes
Zip File Size: Approx. 62 MB
Price: $35.00
Here I am inside the London Eye. Contrary to what I initially thought, it is not a ferris wheel. It is a rotating machine that allows full 360 views through glass. Every 30 minutes it makes one complete turn and each “eye” is made of steel and glass. Around 15-20 people get inside each “eye” and walk around to see the city in every direction. It never actually stops. In fact, even when you’re exiting or entering, it’s still moving. So in ALL the photos you ever see of the London Eye, it’s always moving.
Love
Isabella
xooxoxox
Just got off the phone with slave m. He’s currently staying with a family member due to an unexpected emergency (happened late July). Depending on circumstances out of our control, I expect him to return home on August 28th or 29th.
Time without him has been good and bad.
While I was in London, I spent a great deal of time with ANOTHER person whom I treated like a slave, which allowed me to release a lot of my power for control. I felt much better knowing I had somewhat of a “substitute slave” (but not actually a slave, just someone willing to put up with my power trips and demands). I didn’t dwell on slave m or think about him that much. I know he thought about me a lot though cause he told me how much he misses me and how sad he is without me. But the only slave I really thought of while in London was slave deidre. The perfect girl slave in every way. Is it wrong that I would have wanted deidre more than my own slave maurice to enjoy my time in a different country? Oh well. Needless to say, slave m wasn’t on my mind. I was actually kind of pissed at him to be honest, for reasons I will not get into.
Returning home, however, was a different story. I found that I miss him a great deal. I miss hearing him beg for permission to go to sleep or asking me what he can do to honor me, such as giving me a (much needed) foot massage or drawing my bath. Funny thing is, last night was the first time I soaked in the bathtub BY MYSELF without having my slave clean me, wash my hair, or shave my legs for a VERY long time. I felt alone in my tub cleaning myself. I missed hands in my hair. I missed water being poured gently over my hair to rinse away the shampoo. I missed holding my leg over the side of the tub so his hands would delicately hold a razor and remove unwanted stubble. I missed his legs behind me. I missed his back and shoulder massages while I would put eye makeup remover around my eyes and rinse it off. I missed him towel drying me from head to toe while he would be instructed to keep his head bowed.
I miss telling him I’m thirsty and knowing that seconds later, a bottle of cold water would be open and waiting for me to drink. I miss it.
Two more weeks without him seems like hell right now. The chair at the other desk is empty. That’s where he normally sits. At the other computer. Normally, I would turn to my left and I would see the back of his head. I love seeing the back of a slave, because it makes me feel even more powerful. I love knowing that I can walk behind him and sneak up on him or tower over him and when he turns, he must look up at me. I miss that. And I want him here.
When he does come home, he’s gonna go through hell to please me, I know that.
Love
Isabella
xooxoxo
A few people have asked me for a latest update on my college hiatus. Last year I mentioned I was taking a year-long break from college because I wanted to establish residency in Indiana which takes 12 months total. Once I get residency, I can save about $8,000 a year on tuition at Indiana University. Well anyway, after surviving the snowy winter here in December-March, I realized how inexperienced I was at driving on ice or snow. That kind of scared me into not going to college out here. But I am not going to let the weather get the best of me. I moved out here for a reason and it was to attend Indiana University and bring the Kinsey Institute back from the dead. Just gotta get my degrees first. So anyway, I haven’t been here a full year yet, so it wouldn’t be wise to start college quite yet (I just need to wait a month and half).
The thing is, since driving in snow/ice (to get to college) is a BIG issue for me since I have absolutely zero experience and I can hurt myself or other people on the road, I’ve decided that I’ll be taking Online classes at I.U. for about a year or so and then my goal is to attend campus classes in August 2008. Campus classes are out of the question though because I have several travel plans such as going to Hawaii for another certification course in November. But Online classes - yes!
October 1st, my official one year anniversary living in Indiana, will give me official status as a “resident student.”
So for now, I’m arranging my transcript to be sent from San Diego to Indiana and some other details too (such as getting a new checkbook with an Indiana address since I still have my old one one it and I.U. only accepts checks). By October 1st, I’ll start college again.
The courses I’m signing up for include:
P102: Intro to Psychology II - Psychology and Life
S338: Sociology - Gender Roles
W119: English - Critical Review Writing
G103: Geology - Earth Science: Materials and Processes
—
I wanted to take women’s history, but I think I’ll have my hands full with those classes. I can’t WAIT to take that particular psychology course. I love psychology courses and the more I take, the better. I think I’ve got 3 or 4 under my belt already, so that’s good. I’m still not sure which ones will transfer over to this college though, so I’m taking this class just to be on the safe side so that my requirements are met.
Oh by the way, if any of you are feeling particularly generous, I put the required textbooks on my wishlist. I doubt anyone will buy them cause they’re boring textbooks, but I put them on there *just in case* because it certainly would save me money. I’m going to keep the textbooks on there until Sep. 7 and if any are still on there, I’ll buy them myself so I can have a headstart and begin reading the material.
Thank you again for the support!
Love
Isabella
xoxoxoox
It doesn’t suck to be me.
Some souvenirs from my trip:
Chloe purse and matching Chloe wallet from Harrods. By the way, Mona Blu suggested the Chloe purse to me. Before that, I had never even heard of one before. Crazy huh? Thanks, Mona!
Diamonds from the Crown Jewels gift shop at the Tower of London
Vera Wang cologne from Harrods
Fashion necklace from Accessorize
Clutch purse and matching coin purse from Accessorize
Gucci watch from Harrods
Love
Isabella
xooxoxox
LJ Settings
If you’ve ever read any of my journal entries and wanted to comment but have been unable to do so, now you can.
I’ve adjusted the comment settings on my journal. Everyone, including anonymous people, are now welcome to comment. However, if you’re not on my friends list, it will be screened first. If you want to be on my friends list, all you have to do is friend me and have a journal yourself (if it’s an empty journal, I might not friend you back, but you can still comment).
All I ask is that people be respectful when they leave their comments. In the past, I’ve had anonymous people just be downright rude which is why I had the settings set differently. So this time, I’m giving it another chance. I like the motto, “Don’t say anything online that you wouldn’t say if we were having coffee together.”
Love
Isabella
xoxoxoxo