I experimented with my camera this morning with some of my doll statues.
In the second picture, you can probably guess how I’m feeling. At first I wasn’t too keen on showing it to everyone, but you know what? I use this journal to tell the story of my life and if that isn’t real, nothing is. Thankfully, a majority of everyone has “lain off” (laid off?) me during this whole breakup thing. So thank you.
On another note, a friend I know in real life who I’ve always gotten along with called me an asshole (because I was honest in saying that all my relationships must be “All about me.”) and said my journal is “sickening.” You know what? I don’t need that right now, especially from someone who doesn’t know anything about what I WENT through or how many sacrifices I gave to try make it work. It goes without saying that if people don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. I’ve gone through a lot in the last month that very few people know about because frankly, it’s no one’s business.
One thing people like about me is that I’m honest in my journal. I let people see all sides of me. The good, the bad, the ugly, the sad, the angry, the egotistical, the sassy, the sarcastic, the charitable, the kind, the campassionate, the sadistic, the REAL RAW bare part of me. That one email really offended me when she said, “What happened to the charitable person I knew?” as though somehow I don’t help people anymore. I give the shirt off my back to tons of people, I just don’t go around waving a flag about it. I still sponsor children and donate money to charity, that hasn’t changed. I just don’t see the point of looking for acknowledgement for it. Right now I am in the process of making the Human Rights Watch my full beneficiary in my will. Have you seen me writing about that in other entries? No. Just because I don’t go around bragging about my philanthropy activities doesn’t mean I’m not still charitable. I am sad and angry right now because I gave my heart and soul to someone who chose someone else over me. I am allowed to be angry and I am allowed to express myself the way I wish. If my honesty lets you see a side of me you don’t want to see, then stop reading my journal.
*sigh*
Regardless of what’s going on, I’m still trying to be productive. Yesterday I recorded “Zero Gravity” and today I’ll be editing it in post-production. The recording is MUCH longer than I expected (over an hour) and it currently has my entire focus.
Thank you all for understanding and for your support. Have a great day.
Love
Isabella
xooxox
Where did you get those doll statues?
I got those in San Diego at a bdsm / goth store called “The Crypt” at the corner of Park and 5th.
Do you happen to know who makes them? I doubt I can make a trip to get them.
I have no clue who makes them. I’m actually examined each one carefully for some kind of sign of a maker, but the only lead I have is O.T.T. (or maybe it says 9.T.T) and that was only on one of them. I looked online and couldn’t find them (even looked at google images for stuff similar and no luck).
However, I went to ebay.com and typed in “nude figurine” and there are many other doll statues that are erotic too. So if you want nude type figurines, then ebay has some really good ones.
Here is a photo of the statues I have, in case you want it as a reference. Who knows, if you research online, you might get lucky. You know as much about these dolls as I do
Thanks
i’ll stick to the charity subject, thought the figurines are cool. i’ve always thought that people who donate to charity, and arrange for the press to be there or send out the press releases and so on, are full of shit. i’ve never had much in the way of money to donate to charities, but i’ve done it when i had the money. i’ve also donated lots of things that i own to charities while they were in good condition, so someone else could get more use of them than i was. And i try to be helpful to people in general, and have stopped to help folks broken down on the roadside and so on. But if the praise and acknowledgement is the only reason you do all that, then i question motivations.
It’s a little like my thoughts on religion. i’m an Athiest, so if i’m a good person, do good things, it’s because i feel it’s the right thing to do. Too many christians i know, and see in the public eye, seem to only do good acts so they can be SEEN to do good acts, and so they earn that spot in heaven. Not because being good and kind and charitable are just the right things to do…
oh well, i could rant on charity, religion, judgements of others, for too long. So i’ll cut it short now. Take care of Yourself Isabella, feel better.
I love the pics. The second one is so honest.
I’ll just say that I am sending you very honest and truthful wishes for healing- and more of that transcendent power of music and dancing. When I was in Brooklyn last week, I saw a band called The Sierra Leone Refugee All Stars….this band formed in a refugee camp and came out creating this beautiful music- with lots to teach, but also a prevalent vibe of LOVE and FUNKINESS. I recommend them, it’s the kind of thing that makes everything feel ok.
& let me also say that I’ve learned alot from your journal, your postings about the Olympics in Bejing, about the nuclear protest in London, etc- but it’s also your journal, and it being about you is what people read it for anyway. Well, honestly, you are a fascinating and constantly interesting person so I’m really pleased that the journal features your thoughts and feelings and (blush blush drool) your beautiful pictures. I’m just really glad you exist and you are you and I’m grateful for all the sides you share. Thank You.
p.s. The anonymous comment was from me (sorry, forgot to sign in!).
On a slightly different tack, I still can’t over how much you’ve changed since you took those first tentative steps and posted photos of yourself. You’re more awesome with each day.
Hmmm . . . some “friend”. Seems some people think that just because you post a few pictures and share a few thoughts as they occur to you on this journal, that they know and understand the sum total of Who You Are, and are therefore qualified in making a moral judgement. And I’m sure such people think they’re doing it for your own good.
You’ll be over this soon enough. No reason to fake it in the meantime.
Goddess, I don’t know anybody more generous, or more genuine about who you are, than you. Nobody. eb