Well tomorrow I’m going to a munch in Indy with folks within the BDSM community. Gotta be frank, out here in Indiana, I’ve gone through great lengths to try to find people to hang out with. So I am very excited, optimistic, and hopeful about tomorrow and the new friends I’ll make.
However, on another note. One particular yahoo group community called Andromeda, which is geared towards lesbians and transgenders in the BDSM community (hello, I’m a perfect candidate) unapproved my membership in their group. Why, you ask? Because I’m Isabella Valentine and they merely assumed I was there to advertise my services, which couldn’t have been further from the truth. It’s so frustrating. I went there, as a normal human being. A domme wanting to be part of a discussion with likeminded people in Indiana, and because my outdated profile showed me as “Isabella Valentine” (even though I didn’t introduce myself as such), I basically got a slap in the face. I was stereotyped as a “pro domme” as if somehow people pay me to beat them. And so what if someone does? Would it make me that much “less” as a domme if money is exchanged for a service? I am so sick and tired of being stereotyped and pigeonholed. If you look for something negative to happen, then negativity will happen. If you expect greatness, you’ll receive greatness. However, one thing I never looked for (or expected) was to be considered “non-human” by people who didn’t even take the time to get to know me.
This sort of reminds me of the time my friend
Sorry to get off tangent, but this has been weighing on my shoulders all freaking day. It was so rude of that moderator to dismiss my application in such a cowardly way. I even wrote back explaining my intentions were purely selfless and a submissive male replied with complete discrimination. I’ve been discriminated against for years, whether being gay (I was gay before gay was “in” and went through hell in Alabama because of it) or being fat or being young or being a girl… and now I’m being discriminated against because of my occupation. It’s absolutely ridiculous. I won’t apologize for my occupation. My work is a deep passion. I offer people what they want - hope, a release, a fantasy, a life away from the mundane. I’d much rather be doing this, than go back to working at a newspaper.
I’m tired of having to defend myself all the time. So from this day forward, it ends here. The only way good things will come my way is to attract them, so I’m going to do my best to do just that.
Love
Isabella
xoxoxo
You can thank the internet for ruining the femdom scene, or more specifically, any domme that wants money.
I’ve already wrote about this in other groups and it’s just too much to write again. But I’m sure you know what I mean.
that is stupidity on their parts, and they are the ones who truly lose out.
*love*
samantha
This sorta happened to someone in a group i am part of. The group is for subs/bottoms/slaves/switches. There is a Pro-Domme named Suzanne SxySadist who is in the group. As a Pro, she is Domme, but in her personal life, she is a switch.
I was chatting with someone from the group about a posting, and they said “What the F@#K is SHE posting for? She’s a Pro!” When i explained that she was a switch in Real Life, my friend kinda huffed a bit and decided to resolve the fact that even “Pro’s” can have a personal life.
All i can think is that even in the Leather community, some people still have closed minds.
big_bear_hugs dearest girl…it’s ironic how people in that *community* are so closed minded?
The most frustrating thing is when the people who should be accepting, and should be the least likely to put someone in a box and dismiss them, are the ones doing the rejecting. It almost reminds me of that high school dynamic where a bunch of people would get mocked for being goth or punk or whatever and then when someone wanted to join their group they would reject them for not being “goth” or “punk” to their specifications. & another thing I’ve found with some (emphasis: some, not all) of the glbt and other activist groups I’ve volunteered for is that there is a suspicious attitude toward anyone who looks for an income- as if sustaining your life with something you believe in and that comes from your soul is less righteous than being a drone in a 9-5 job?
Well, there’s my rant. I think you are a wonderful, interesting person and any group should be honored to welcome you.
Oh I definitely agree that even small groups have discrimination… When I lived in San Diego and was an honorary member of a drag king group (I used to dress and perform as a man on stage every week), the own group would discriminate against ME and wouldn’t actually “let me in the group” and would call me a guest performer instead of a member because I hadn’t won any contests. But the thing is, I performed with their group every single week and would wear a scruffy beard with male makeup, shaved my head, etc. Even then, I wasn’t man enough when clearly we were all on the same level. Anyway I left and moved away so it’s old news.
But yeah there’s discrimination everywhere. I mean, even *I* am guilty of discrimination sometimes. We all try not to be, but it’s a part of our very natures.
The thing is, I met a member of the group and she was very open-minded. So it’s hard for me to stereotype the whole group as close-minded when it was just one person who didn’t take the time to get to know me. But I’m not worried about it. I’ll start my own group.
*faints*
Dommes?? Allowed a personal life?
<> I swear, I thought I heard you say we were allowed to have personal lives. I think it’s this heat.
I feel the same way, thank you
Maybe I’m not the only one familiar with the internet femdom scene. I’ve always known “my” scene… but don’t really know what’s meant by that. I mean, I’ve watched Domme-slavegirl porn and it’s hot and all… but for someone who was labeled a “Pro Domme” you’d think I’d be more familar with what they’re talking about.
I think this is terrible, Pro Dommes should not be desciminated against they do good work. Its hard enough already trying to shit on sexual liberation and completely commercialize it by disregarding the concept of time and place already without idiotic people like this who seem to have some kind of weird ideology about meeting likeminded people to befreind and actually form relationships.