2008 January | IsabellaValentine.com

Archive for January, 2008

Statuesque

Published on January 30, 2008 in Journal posts. 1 Comment

I’m diggin’ the cheesy photos. Not sure why. I suppose there’s a part of me who enjoys being mortal sometimes. While it’s fun and fulfilling being an immortal, sublime Goddess, there’s something free-spirited about letting go of all the responsibilities. As with Superman, with great power comes great responsibility. Every Goddess I’ve ever met admits she has many duties and obligations. A princess, on the other hand, is free from all responsibilities - or so the crowd believes. I’m far too much a Goddess than a princess. There’s so much I always feel I need to do, hence the love of cheesy photos where I get to let go (temporarily) of all responsibilities. Something always needs to be accomplished. There’s always a task waiting to be completed. Even the Queen of England, in all her glory, lives with so many responsibilities, it’s amazing she has time for herself.

Here I am, basking in the essence of liberty and freedom at the Empire State Building, NYC. Long live Goddess freedom!

Isabella Valentine in front of the Statue of Liberty

Love
Isabella
xooxoxox

Serene Boardwalk

Published on January 30, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

One of my favorite Zen sayings is, “Knock on the sky and listen to the sound.” While enjoying a few peaceful moments on a quiet boardwalk in Ocean City, MD, I closed my eyes and knocked on the clouds. Then, as clear as we hear voices, I heard her whisper exactly the things I needed to hear.

Isabella Valentine on Maryland Boardwalk

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Social life

Published on January 26, 2008 in Journal posts. 1 Comment

Someone asked me a few months ago if I ever get lonely being me. Many people assume that because I have thousands of online admirers, that my social life must be out of this world. And those who read my journal probably assumed the opposite, that perhaps I often reject new friendships because usually they want something from me. For instance, most readers who want to be my “friend” are often people hoping to receive freebies from me, in regards to hypnosis or the services I provide. So the assumption was either I have lots of friends or practically any friends.

So, if you’d like to know a little behind-the-scenes, let me give you the scoop on my social life.

When I lived in San Diego, I spent a great deal of my time socializing with friends and strangers, and often new people would somehow find their way over to my house and I’d party with them. Most of the time it was because I sensed a lack of belonging in myself and frankly, felt like people would “accept” me more if I threw lots of parties. It seemed to work short term. I had hundreds of people who I considered friends or acquaintances. By most standards, that is unreal and very difficult to maintain as real friendships. Life seemed good on the outside, but on the inside I felt like I was desperate for alone time with myself. Then I moved to Indiana. For the first year, I practically locked myself inside the house to prevent me from partying with strangers, mostly to keep me from relapsing on bad drugs like I did in the past. Apparently, I quickly realized, socialization tended to increase my craving to overindulge in binge drinking and drugging. Being alone - no problem. No cravings. So moving to Indiana allowed me a much-needed “sober place” in mind and body to become comfortable in my own skin.

An entire year went by and I loved being alone and not going out or making new friends. (Not referring to the wonderful people who flew or drove in from out of state to visit me which were a breath of fresh air!) I looooved being alone! I actually preferred the alone time with myself and not going out. Then in late September, my first signs of loneliness began. Sometimes I’d leave the house at four in the morning just so I could go to a restaurant or supermarket that might still be open - just HOPING I could have a real life conversation with another human being, instead of online communication. I craved human contact. Just a hug. Anything. I’d go to strip clubs just so I could hold a woman in my arms, even if the connection was a superficial high. I needed it. And for about a month, it got worse. My craving to have contact with people increased, and all efforts seemed to go nowhere. The interaction that was in abundance in San Diego, was absolutely gone here in Bloomington. I needed local friends. My efforts increased - whether going to more coffee shops, bars, clubs, bookstores, etc. I was there. Still nothing.

Then I went to Kona, Hawaii for a Master NLP training, which I assumed would only be a training seminar. I had no idea how much the island (and the people on it) would change my life. I remember staring at the ocean the night I got there and having an inner dialogue with myself. If I could have anything, what would it be? My first response was “a healthy relationship” and a “network of friends.” The words seemed to come out all by themselves. The next night was my birthday and a part of me was a little sad at the idea of spending my birthday on a beautiful island all by myself. I had spent the whole day wandering outside the hotel around the beach and hammocks and walked down beautiful garden paths. The day was great. The night was nice. I still needed human contact and it hurt. As I walked into the lobby on my way to the hotel restaurant, I ran into 3 friends who I had met previously at another NLP seminar in California back in July. We recognized each other and had a beautiful dinner with live Hawaiian music playing, drinking margaritas and a drink appropriately called “hula girl.” All this time (aside from brief interlude in July revisiting friends and family), I finally got to spend quality time - 3 weeks to be exact, with other human beings who all had the same goal as me. Those three weeks changed my life. While in Hawaii, I made 11 lifetime friends. Not acquaintances. Lifetime friends. Friends to the end kind of people. Friends who will stick with you and help you get to your goal through thick and thin. It was all part of that spiritual awakening experience. With the help of lots of interaction and positive NLP, I finally got rid of my negative blocks to accepting friendship in my life which truly opened my eyes. I finally decided that when I’d return home, I’d instantly make friends instead of blocking communication from potential relationships.

My new personal philosophy worked. Within a week of arriving home, my sister Goddess friend fell into my lap. Literally fell from the sky. I met Kasha Shakti. And now I’ve been introduced to all her friends and all of us get along so wonderfully. I’m even throwing my first real “get-together” tomorrow night, which I am stoked about. It’s been OVER a year (we’re talking San Diego times) since I’ve thrown a party. For the first time in my whole life, I feel more balanced and aligned with myself to even throw such a party. This is the first time I actually care equally about others as I do about myself, instead of this imbalanced portrayal of whose needs come first. And even more amazing that Kasha wants me to join the Freedom Community and wants to host an event at my house. I swear, it blows my mind. This is exactly what I needed and it has instantly manifested. More friends. More loving connections. More positivity. I love that there are people who love NLP as much as I do and actually live out here. It absolutely shocks me. I’m in heaven. Life couldn’t be more perfect. Life is good. Pinch me. Friends. Real friends. In Indiana! And I love that they accept me for “me” rather than the e-lebrity that people often make me out to be. I’m just one of the guys. And Superbowl party at my house next sunday, kick ass!

I suppose the motto of this rambled-on journal entry would be. Ask and you shall receive. If you want something, sometimes the best way to achieve it is to stop complaining. Step two, put yourself at blame and accept cause instead of blaming the world for your problems. Step three, let the negativity go and accept the positivity of whatever the world has to offer you. Blessings do come when you let them. Most of the time we’re just too damn stubborn to see the positive if it hit us in the face.

Love
Isabella
xoxoxoxo

Hypnotic Smoke

Published on January 25, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

First I’d like to thank everyone who has responded to my previous posts, whether on my site, on livejournal, or through private emails. The response has been amazing, and it really means a lot to me that so many people were willing to give me their input on such a big subject. I didn’t reply to any comments, mostly because I’m trying to learn the art of just “listening” without always writing something back, sort of my way of soaking in other thoughts or ideas without automatically dismissing them. So please know that although I haven’t interacted verbally, I’ve definitely read (and appreciated) the opinions given.

Now on to today’s topic. While in Maryland, I made an erotic hypnosis video featuring the smoking fetish. As a lot of you may remember. I had quit smoking for over a year and wasn’t too keen on recording something that would make me want to start back. However, while in Hawaii, I picked up smoking again and frankly, back to smoking between half a pack and a pack a day. I can quit when I want (I have the power to stop anything and so does everyone), however it’s something I’m ok with. When I feel it might interfere with my overall big picture, I’ll stop. But for now, I’ll allow it to be my blessing in my life and appreciate the ways in which it helps me. How’s that for self-acceptance of smoking? LOL. Anyway it probably won’t be a permanent thing, so I figured if I’m going to make a smoking fetish video, I may as well do it now when it comes so naturally.

If you’d like to watch a free hypnotic sample of the video, you can do so here. I’ve also included a free hypnotic smoke slideshow within the zip file, featuring the photos you see below.

Here are photos taken the day of the shoot, with cigarette in hand - shot in Maryland.

Erotic Hypnosis Smoke Photo

Continue reading ‘Hypnotic Smoke’

Erotic Hypnosis Video: Hypnotic Smoke

Published on January 25, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

Erotic Hypnosis Recording mp3

Erotic Hypnosis Video: Hypnotic Smoke

This erotic hypnosis video is designed to hypnotize you while I smoke cigarette after cigarette, teasing you relentlessly with My cleavage. Lose control as you watch Me inhale each drag, slowly letting it out until a smoky haze fills the room. Come smoke with Me as you become helplessly hypnotized by hypnotic cigarettes and curvy breasts.

This special package also includes a FREE slideshow of photos where I smoke cigarettes seductively!

Made for Windows Media Player for PC users only.

Play free video sample

Format: WMV Video Download - average quality
Sound Quality: Professional First-Rate
Vocal Sound Effects: No
Soft Background Music: Yes
Overdubbing Vocals: No
Overlaying Video Layers: Yes
Length: 16 minutes, 28 seconds
Zip Size: Approx. 84.5 MB
Price: $14.97

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Yin and Yang

Published on January 22, 2008 in Journal posts. 4 Comments

I had the most interesting conversation with a dear friend about my current situation and it led to quite an enlightening discovery. Since November, my recordings have been more “positive and uplifting” than they were in the past, mainly because of my spiritual awakening I had in Hawaii - and continue to have every day. I told my friend of my dilemma - that my customers like seeing the Dommely, sometimes evil, side of me - but I had grown less comfortable doing that over the past few months.

Then we discussed the yin and yang theory, that you can’t have one without the other. That even a Goddess must have some evilness in order to portray her positiveness. In all white, there is black. In all black, there is some white. Even “god” would show his wrath, wouldn’t he? And a self-proclaimed Goddess would still have the right to be demanding, to maintain “control of the floor” if you will. Even in positivity, there can still be consequences, which customers seem to like — consequences. I get emails almost daily from people requesting rather negative consequences, such as blackmail fantasies, castration fantasies, and forced sexual situations. In the past, I’d have no trouble doing this, as my conscience didn’t really mind. The only way I could do such recordings now, is if I emphasize that these fantasies are only for the customers, and not necessarily follow my own personal beliefs. In the past, I had no difficulty whatsoever creating recordings emphasizing bankruptcy, homelessness, and joblessness in order for the person to serve me better. The new side of me argues, “If a person is bankrupt and homeless, how can they afford to serve me?” So I’ve stopped doing those types of recordings. But the requests keep coming. Can you see my dilemma?

I thought it was funny when I flat out asked him for permission to combine the two. I remember saying, “So I have permission to be both wonderful and evil? Is it ok for me to do both?” For some reason, his opinion mattered to me, simply because he, by definition, is a positive-energy filled person. And he said, “Yes, of course! You have permission, Isabella.” And over the course of the past couple days, I’ve been getting in touch with the part of me that can balance the two sides of me, which I hope will appeal to more customers. Less and less customers have been buying my positive, uplifting recordings… yet my evil ones are selling like hotcakes. My money situation is fine, however I’ve found it personally disappointing that all these new ones simply aren’t in demand. I know I’ll continue making positive ones, not necessarily for customers - but for me, because they’ve made enormous changes in my life that have improved my personal growth, love for others, and the need to spread knowledge to those who want to learn.

Those who have listened to recordings such as Escape, Intimate with Isabella, and Ascend into Goddesshood - have said those mp3s helped transform their lives. The compliments received from them far outweigh any other recording, yet they sell the least. It’s ironic, but I get it. It’s a different niche altogether. I’ll still continue to do it because money is irrelevant to me right now. I’m comfortable where I am in my life and the most important thing right now is self-enlightenment. If I can help people become self-enlightened with their negative fantasies, perhaps that can be a good thing, right? It’s food for thought.

I’m curious what other people think about Yin and Yang. Can there be a balance of evilness and goddessness, while still being true to form?

Love
Isabella
xoxooxox

Erotic Hypnosis MP3: Scarlet

Published on January 21, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

Erotic Hypnosis Recording mp3

Erotic Hypnosis MP3: Scarlet

Isabella Valentine teams up with phone sex sensation, Kitty, for one hot, orgasmic erotic hypnosis session.

How would you like hear me hypnotizing another woman to be under My sexual control?

In this mp3, I had the pleasure of hypnotizing Kitty, but don’t tell her because she doesn’t know I hypnotized her. It all began with a beautiful guided visual imagery down stone stairs, colored doors, magical hollow trees, and a feather-like weightless drop onto scarlet silken pillows. Then when I knew I had her deep enough, I gave her sexual triggers causing her nipples to feel as though I was sucking on them, and well - it gets even sexier than that! Want more details? Then listen and find out what happened!

Fetishes include:
Erotic hypnosis, lesbianism, tease and denial, triggers, post-hypnotic suggestions, guided visual imagery, feather drop, finger snapping, controlled orgasms, begging, nipple play, pussy play, and so much more!

Note: Kitty is currently building a website and when it’s complete, I’ll link to it so you can find out more about her.

Format: MP3 Download
Sound Quality: Professional First-Rate
Vocal Sound Effects: None
Prop Sound Effects: No
Soft Background Music: No
Overdubbing Vocals: No
Length: 31 minutes, 28 seconds
Zip File Size: Approx. 29 MB
Price: $35.00

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Ascend into Goddesshood

Published on January 21, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

Erotic Hypnosis Recording mp3

Erotic Hypnosis MP3: Ascend into Goddesshood

This energy-filled erotic hypnosis recording is designed to transform you into a living, breathing Sex Goddess, and guides you lovingly and meditatively to achieve Oneness and connectedness with yourself and others.

Do you want more prosperity, abundance, trust, ability to communicate with others to get what you want, be worshipped by your followers, and build strong relationships? Then this erotic hypnosis recording is perfect for you.

Everyone has a Goddess within them. It doesn’t matter if you are a woman or a man, the truth is - once you “tap into” that dynamic energy source and strengthen it, your inner-Goddess will illuminate throughout your body. People can make more money, be more sexy, and feel more confident to get what they want simply by plugging themselves into the higher power female-sex-energy source (which I personally call Lea~Koa, which is introduced in this mp3).

Every woman can become in tune with her body and her needs so that she allows the Goddess within her to grow. And it’s been said for thousands of years that men transform into “real men” once they accept their own femininity. I am a firm believer of the “Yin-Yang” theory, that every man has a feminine side and every female has a masculine side.

This mp3 allows room for personal interpretation, your OWN ideas, and your own intuition to make wise choices. Whether you are a well-educated energy practitioner, an experienced Goddess, or someone just learning about energy - you can benefit from this, because answers and guidance will seem to come right to you!

Recording includes:
Creative visualization, mediation technique, erotic hypnosis, introduction to energy, introduction to Lea~Koa, ascension within chakras, high power, inner Goddess, wisdom, intuition, prosperity, communication, trust, relationships, power, strength, compassion, love, fair-mindedness, and high self-confidence (not to be mistaken for ego).

Advisory: It probably wouldn’t be wise to stand up quickly after listening to this recording, as your experience may become similar to mine (completely overwhelmed from head to toe). Please listen to this when you have adequate time and space for meditating even after the recording ends.

Format: MP3 Download
Sound Quality: Professional First-Rate
Vocal Sound Effects: No
Prop Sound Effects: No
Soft Background Music: Yes
Overdubbing Vocals: No
Length: 40 minutes
Zip File Size: Approx. 37 MB
Price: $35.00

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Fetish MP3s: Cuckold Exposed

Published on January 17, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

Fetish mp3

Fetish MP3s: Cuckold Exposed

After the instant success of the “Tiny Penis” recordings, I invited humiliatrix, Cara Wheatley to fly from San Diego into my home for a sequel. This “Cuckold Exposed” package includes three deliciously entertaining mp3 recordings!

Recording #1: “Bedroom Disappointment”
Insightful cuckold interview with Cara describing her need to have amazing sex behind her previous husband’s back. Today, she enjoys the single life cause she gets to have sex with whomever she chooses and doesn’t feel stuck with an “incompetent husband” in bed.

Recording #2: “Big Black Cock”
Cara describes her need for a big, throbbing black penis, and how much stronger and better they are at having sex than most other men, especially white guys. She says, “Once you go black, you never go back!”

Recording #3: “Small Peckers”
This interview features the humiliation topic of small penises and how worthless they are to women. Cara describes how pathetic men are when she knows they can’t sexually deliver. She even describes a secret method she uses to determine a man’s penis size just by looking at his arms or even his eyes!

Fetishes include: small penis humiliation, cuckold, big black cock, interracial sex, infidelity, rejection of losers, acceptance of well-endowed lovers, and so much more!

Format: MP3 Download
Sound Quality: Professional First-Rate
Vocal Sound Effects: None
Prop Sound Effects: No
Soft Background Music: No
Overdubbing Vocals: No
Length of Bedroom Disappointment: 15:24
Length of Big Black Cock: 11:47
Length of Small Peckers: 18:08
People Involved: Two Girls
Zip File Size: Approx. 43 MB
Price: $19.99

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Erotic Hypnosis Videos: Dreamscape Series

Published on January 17, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

Erotic Hypnosis Recording mp3
Erotic Hypnosis Videos: Dreamscape Series

Isabella Valentine presents the Dreamscape Series which contains three short videos without spoken vocal. Each film contains background music, which when turned off, will enhance your hypnotic experience when listening to mp3s. Whether you enjoy it with the sound on (or off) is completely up to you - as personal preferences vary. These feature hypnotic movements, lighting, expressions, hand gestures, and serene backgrounds to soothe your mind and add a sensual mood.

If you consider yourself an avid listener of hypnosis mp3s, then you will certainly appreciate these bonus supplements designed to increase your trance and sexual pleasure. Also included in the download are 15 photos from the “Angel Eyes” video for your personal collection. All three videos are included for the price of one.

Below are screenshots of the videos:

Made for Windows Media Player for PC users only.

Play free video sample Format: WMV Video Download - average quality
Sound Quality: Professional First-Rate
Vocal Sound Effects: none
Soft Background Music: Yes
Overdubbing Vocals: No
Length of “Angel Eyes” video: 4 minutes, 42 seconds
Length of “Serenity” video: 3 minutes, 27 seconds
Length of “Dream Noir” video: 7 minutes, 38 seconds
Zip Size: Approx. 234 MB
Price: $19.87

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Maxim Magazine

Published on January 16, 2008 in Journal posts. 1 Comment

So a couple months ago while I was in Hawaii, the photo editor of MAXIM Magazine of Belgium contacted me because he had seen some photos I had taken of model, Scar, in a photoshoot back in San Diego. He discovered my photo collection in my flickr account and requested a specific photo of her for publication in the next issue of MAXIM. This was slightly problematic for me, as I was in Hawaii (nowhere near my home computer to get him the requested photo) and he patiently waited an extra week for me to send it to him, which by his own admission was right on the brink of deadline.

Yesterday I received my complimentary copy of the issue on the mail, which I love - however, funny thing is, my website was misspelled (that shows that obviously I have a long way to go before I become a household name). In the December 2007 issue, my website appears as www.isabellavalentino.com instead of www.isabellavalentine.com. So I did what any reasonable person would do. I bought the web domain for the incorrect spelling and forwarded it to my correct site. The problem is, the issue came out last month and I just received the copy (so the exposure may be over) — and to top it off, it takes normally 24 hours for the domain to forward to the correct site. LOL. Funny situation, I take it with a grain of salt.

What a cool feeling to see my photography work in such a well known publication. I’ve had poems, letters, articles, and other written items published in hundreds of books and magazines in the past… but never a photo. I’ve mostly been known for my written (or audio) words, more than my work as a photographer. Seeing this magazine gave me that rush of happiness that I used to get when I first started seeing my essays in print. I’m so proud of Scar for looking so hot in the photo! I’ll send her a copy of the magazine as well, so she can have tearsheets showing her evergrowing success! I really consider myself honored (and lucky) to have worked with her and to have created something that, hopefully, will be enjoyed by thousands of more people who may not have been exposed to us.

By the way, if any of you understand written or spoken Belgium language, would you please translate the article to me?

Isabella Valentine photographs Scar in Maxim Magazine

Love
Isabella
xoxoxox

Chargers vs. Colts

Published on January 13, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

*Spoiler*

I’ve never been a major football fan, but I must admit today’s game was rather exciting for me. Did you see the chargers and the colts play? Wow.

I live just minutes away from Indianapolis, so living here sort of obligates me to become a Colts fan, and I was excited they won the superbowl last year for the sake of spreading positive energy here in Bloomington. But today, knowing they were playing San Diego (my hometown), I couldn’t help but secretly want San Diego to win. I would have been happy either way, but still. Go San Diego! San Diego won by four beautiful points and Indianapolis had many incomplete passes at the last minute that prevented their needed-touchdown.

So now that San Diego has won, we’re going on to play the New England Patriots for a championship match…. wow. And the Patriots have had a perfect season. A flawless season. A small part of me wants San Diego to win cause it’s my home. But a BIGGER part of me wants the Patriots to win so that they can remain an undefeated team this year so they can go on to win the superbowl.

As much as I love the Chargers, I’d really like to see the Patriots be the first team to be completely undefeated since the Dolphins 30+ years ago. I hope the Patriots have the best season in the history of football as far as I’m concerned. Peyton Manning had some great passes and did wonderfully during today’s game and for that, I was proud of my boy. But the truth of the matter is, San Diego had harder, stronger defense and know how to hold a damn ball. As much as I love San Diego’s defense, I think the Patriots will kick San Diego’s ass this year because they’re offense and defense are killer.

My friend, Cara Wheatley, flew in from San Diego and she and I went to a club and she had the gall to say, “Go Chargers!!” in a room full of Colts fans. Probably not the smartest thing to do, considering the locals here are die-hard Colts fans. What a night. Cara’s ecstatic and wants the Chargers to kick Patriot’s ass cause she said the Patriots taunted San Diego last year and she wants to get them back. She wants San Diego to ruin the Patriot’s winning streak. So I guess you can say that the two of us are having a little football rivalry between teams.

This should get interesting.

Any Patriots fans think they’ll go ALL the way to the superbowl and win a perfect season?

Love
Isabella
xoxooxox

Dreamscape Series

Published on January 8, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

As promised, here is the Dreamscape Series finally on video. Hope you enjoy!

Isabella Valentine in Dreamscape Series

Watch free video samples and see free screenshots here:
Dreamscape Series

Love
Isabella
xoxoxox

Fantasy too much?

Published on January 8, 2008 in Journal posts. 4 Comments

I’ve been wanting to write this entry for as long as I can remember, so bear with me while I gather my thoughts and how to write what I want to say.

I’ve often wondered (for years), the mental and physical association people have with “Isabella Valentine” as a character - and the association people have AFTER meeting me in the flesh. I’ve gone through great lengths to be kind and generous to the people who meet me, whether fans, friends, or people who I run into on the street and 99% of the people will always say, “Oh yeah, Isabella was awesome. She was friendly. She was great!” But then it’s as though those people fade from the earth and I never hear from them again, never see them again, or they stop being fans or customers.

A part of me gets it. I understand that for most people, the Isabella I portray is that of a Goddess, one to be worshipped, to be loved and adored. Always dominant and controlling. Always wearing the perfect outfits with corsets, stockings, wig, makeup, etc. And people LOVE that side of me. What I perhaps neglect to show is how fun, energetic, and friendly I am, because sometimes it shocks people to see how comfortable I am with myself and others. Now, I think I’ve done a fair job portraying who I am in my journal - as everything I say in my blog is factual (or at least based on fact with minor embellishments to add for entertainment or laughter) and the photos I use are all mine. Basically - what you see is what you get. It’s really me. My thoughts - really mine. My voice - really mine. My photos - really mine. My videos - really mine. So why is it that whenever someone (who may see me as being a celebrity or puts me on a pedestal) meets me, they express gratitude and interest - but then lose complete interest after meeting me?

It’s actually happened quite often. I can think of probably six occasions where I would get fan letters from people practically begging to meet me (or saying how badly they want to meet me that they’d do practically anything), and when I give in to their request — we meet. They tell me they love what they see. Their words are often things like, “You’re so much more than I ever thought,” or “Your photos do not do you justice at all,” or “I can’t believe I’m meeting you in the flesh, you are amazing!” So basically all the comments are positive. Meetings end with hugs, kisses, and gratitude for our meeting.

But then. Communication ends. It stops abruptly. Those customers stop buying mp3s. Those fans remove me from their friends’ list on livejournal. Those customers stop doing live phone sessions with me. None of them (at any period of time) expressed any disinterest or showed signs or verbalizations that they were unhappy with our meeting. This is why I am completely confused. Was I not generous enough with my time or energy? Did I not compliment enough or show equal gratefulness? Did I not fulfill my “Isabella” persona of being perfect (which I can never be)?

So I asked slave maurice for help in this matter, as he’s had the past experience of knowing me as “Isabella” long LONG before meeting me. He put me up on a pedestal, worshipped the perverbial ground I walked on (without meeting me yet), listened to my mp3s, watched my videos, considered me a celebrity (his words, not mine), and thought I was far and above anything he could ever hope for in a Goddess. Then he meets me. He loves what he sees. He loves the totality of me, the wholeness, the part of me who interacts, pushes boundaries, questions motives, takes people further and deeper into their thoughts to really take them to the next level within themselves. He loves me even more. So I asked him - why do most people who meet me suddenly become disinterested? Am I lying about myself in my journal? Am I not who I portray? Do people feel misled? I just don’t get it. He knows how serious I am to always convey the truthful essence of me in both my image as well as how I am perceived to the general public.

So he told me a story to help me better understand a fan’s point of view. He described his interest in a comic artist back in the day and how he idolized this artist and thought he was the most amazing person in the world as far as career and talents. Then he was given the opportunity to meet this celebrity artist at Comic Con and said the guy was nice, friendly, and even gave advice to maurice on how to draw better. Greet meeting, right? Yes. But then maurice lost all interest in the guy. No longer idolized him. No longer bought his art. No longer thought he was heaven on earth. So why is it? Maurice says it’s because once someone meets “the fantasy perfection” that somehow they may say to themselves, “Ok I’ve experienced this goal. Now what?” And then the person moves on to the next best thing.

So I get that. I understand that sometimes meeting someone you’ve upheld so high can somehow come “down to earth” when experiencing real time with them. But why the sudden drop in contact? I mean - even some of my all time BEST highest-paying customers would meet me (and part of the reason I agreed to meet them was, essentially, because they were such great loyal customers) and our time together was a BLAST and then days later, they’ve stopped all contact with me completely.

With this sort of reoccuring theme, perhaps you may be able to understand my hesitation with meeting new fans or customers. A part of me feels that if I give in to meeting someone, they’ll suddenly be cast out of my life because they already met me and their fantasy is over.

What confuses me moreso, is the fact that I go out of my way in my journal to show the non-fantasy side of me, hoping that people will understand I am human, real, raw, bare. People have seen photos of me crying, without makeup, sad, happy, ecstatic, eating food, playing with my cat, etc. It’s not all smoke and mirrors. It’s really me. So if I’m showing the REAL ME in my journal with all the REAL ESSENCE of me, then how come people no longer want to have anything to do with me after meeting? I just don’t get it.

Everyone who has met me (and I do mean everyone) all agree I am an optimist, generally in a good mood, and am an extremely positive person. I’m confident (don’t confuse that with ego), loving, generous, quirky sense of humor, and I love to push people’s sexual boundaries. But people already KNOW that from my journal. I suppose what people DON’T expect is interaction. I interact with people, which fans and customers cannot physically experience from words alone. When in person, I’m constantly interacting. I’m one of those “act on the moment” types of girls and will have the right word, question, or phrase at just the right second to either make someone think, laugh, or just sit there with a silly look on their face. I suppose on some level, perhaps if a fan interacts with a celebrity-type (and I don’t consider myself a celebrity by any means so it makes me laugh when people say that I am) , then the fantasy then becomes reality. Is reality less attractive?

What would I have to do (or is it even possible) to learn from these experiences so that in the future when or if I decide to meet another fan or customer, I can maintain healthy relationships with those I meet?

Thankfully, slave maurice is one of the very few people who actually says meeting ME far exceeds what he ever hoped. He loves the fantasy of Isabella and says that’s a part of me he loves. He also loves the real Stu (a nickname real life friends call me - which if you read far enough back in my journal - you may know that already) and considers me a well-rounded individual with great qualities. We have remained in healthy contact through thick and thin for years and I know that no matter what happens in the course of our relationship or experiences with one another, there will always be an unconditional bond. The relationship I have with slave maurice is one that I would like to have with MANY slaves, fans, customers, and people in my life.

On some level, it’s a little difficult to be in my shoes always having to fulfill a stranger’s expectations when they meet me for the first time. Sometimes people are either super-ecstatic and can barely breathe and feel like I’m surreal - and other times I’m a dire disappointment. I can only assume the issue is in their own minds, considering I’m just me and what you see is what you get. But still. This type of situation is challenging because I desperately want to make new friends and build strong relationships with more people. How can I do this when people build me up so high on a pedestal that they lose interest in me so quickly? I understand that a Goddess NEEDS to be on a pedestal as far as image goes. After all, people buy my recordings, essentially, to have an encounter with a Goddess. But when all is said and done, I want more than to just be an image on the computer. I love to interact with people and without constant human interaction, one can get lonely. I’m at a very good place in my life physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually (which I never thought possible). All my ducks seem to line in a row for the first time in what feels like ages. So why is it so difficult for me to maintain relationships with friends? I strive SO very hard to communicate and ask about the other’s feelings or comfort zones in any situation and I’m not nearly as hardcore as people may perceive. So what can I do?

I am openly and humbly asking for any advice on this matter as I feel it can only make me stronger as a person. I’ve been trying to see this objectively without using my own emotions or views to understand what’s been going on - but we all know that group thoughts and ideas far outweight a single-minded view.

Love
Isabella
xoxooxox

Dreamscape shoot

Published on January 8, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

Tomorrow afternoon, I’ll release three videos called the “Dreamscape Series” which I’m very proud of because a great deal of time went into the video editing and production. Slave maurice did a magnificent job of videotaping me, and as you all may know by now, I’ve often expressed desire for someone to hold a video camera because there is only so much I can do with just a tripod. The movement, the flow, the mood of the videos are so much more than I ever thought possible. The videos are complete and uploading now, but due to the file size - it may be uploading all night. So look for the films tomorrow…

In the meantime, here are some photos from the “Angel Eyes” video. The natural white light of the window and sheer curtains truly made these shots.

Isabella Valentine in Angel Eyes Video

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Enjoying the view

Published on January 7, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

The view is so beautiful from our window, it almost seems unreal. Pinch me.

Isabella Valentine on the beach in Maryland

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Ocean City, Maryland

Published on January 7, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

Greetings from the shore of Maryland (Ocean City to be exact). I can’t BELIEVE how inexpensive the hotels are out here in the winter time. Apparently the whole boardwalk out here shuts down during the winter and the only hotels and restaurants left open offer such amazing deals, hoping tourists will come into town. We’ve been spending the night at this luxurious hotel suite with 3 rooms plus an exquisite bathroom. It has a jacuzzi in the master bedroom, an ocean front view, 2 flat screen tvs, couches, several chairs, desks, a glass shower with room for 4 (with 2 shower heads so no one gets cold), 2 sinks, a full refrigerator, stove (in a hotel room!), a dishwasher (can you believe it), and a fully-stocked kitchen filled with blender, coffee maker, dishes (even dishes!), and everything else under the sun… even bath salts for the jacuzzi. Talk about being in heaven. And get this. With my AAA discount, the ENTIRE room was only $89 a night. In the summer time, the price escalates to probably over $500 a night. But now???? Gee. What a steal!!! And the view… OMG…. I could die. Not a single soul on the beach. We have it all to ourselves.

Photos of the room:

Holiday Inn Suite in Ocean City Maryland

Love
Isabella
xoxoxo

New Years 2008 Video

Published on January 7, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

As promised, here’s one of the videos from my time in New York City… watch the ball go down, see the fireworks, and listen to the crowd count down the seconds! Sometimes I’m tempted to charge payment to view my video blog considering how much content is downloaded from my site, hmm maybe I’m just too generous. I must admit I get a kick out of putting out free stuff cause there’s more likelihood people will watch it - and a new years celebration like this is meant to be shared. Enjoy!

Watch “New Years 2008″ video here

Love
Isabella
xoxooxo

Girlfriend?

Published on January 4, 2008 in Journal posts. 1 Comment

I had the most interesting conversation with slave m tonight and it cracked me up so much I almost peed in my pants from laughing so hard. He and I had just finished watching America’s Next Top Model and were talking about models and family life and stuff and I asked him, “So what exactly do you tell your family back home when they ask about me?” And he couldn’t answer cause he buried his face in a pillow. I asked him, “Do you tell them I’m your Goddess?” and he started stuttering uncontrollably. I asked again, “Do you tell them I’m your Mistress?” - no response, he started laughing. I asked again, this time more curious, “They DO know I’m your Domme, right?” And he started stuttering even worse and rolled on the floor on his knees and said, “G-g-g-g-oddess……” totally scared with what he was about to tell me. Then incredulously I asked, “Surely you don’t tell them I’m your girlfriend…. (pause) … do you?”

Instantly he crawled to the other room in the hotel suite on his hands and knees while saying, “Y-y-y-essss…..” and closed the door behind him in embarrassment. After I called him back in the room, I asked again, “Do you seriously tell your family I’m your girlfriend? You don’t even have a job. No car. No home. You’re broke. And you’re my boyfriend? Are you kidding me? You’re a slave. A slave. A sssllllaaaavvvveeeee……”

His jaw dropped and started stuttering and began begging that I wouldn’t write this in my journal because apparently (as he opened his big mouth and told me) someone in his life reads this journal and he told HER I’m his girlfriend. Oh boy. So, to clear up any misconceptions, I’m posting this here. The black boy in these stocks below is a slave. He is not my boyfriend. I am his Goddess, not his girlfriend. And he’s actually beside me right now begging (and literally begging) me not to post this. This is what he gets.

Come on, now. Girlfriend? Gimme a break. Someone’s deluded. Actually I find it rather humorous that he’s so frightened to tell people the truth about our relationship. God forbid he starts to think I’m his wife. He is a slave. A beaten, pussy-whipped slave. And even more ironic is that a girlfriend is usually a term you give someone when you have an equal relationship. Not only that, he never told *me* I was his girlfriend and yet he tells his friends and family back home that’s what I am to him. Wow, someone is in denial. Guess he’s afraid of getting laughed at. Well, I may as well break the ice for him since he’s such a scaredy cat.

Slave maurice in stocks

Isabella Valentine in dungeon

Love
Isabella
xoxooxox

Vietnamese food

Published on January 3, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

On the corner of 48th and 8th in Times Square, I fell in love with an amazing Vietnamese restaurant that served amazing food. I wish I remembered the name of it. At one point there were wet dreams where I imagined I owned the entire restaurant just so it would follow my travels. Best testing food I think I’ve ever tasted - and of course, knowing the meals were vegan made it even better. I think I came in my panties eating their tofu steak and vegetable soup. My goodness. Hotness.

Isabella Valentine eats Vietnamese food

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Times Square photos

Published on January 2, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

Here’s some Times Square photos for now… we’re heading out to Maryland in a few hours. So many photos and videos to share when we get back home! Last night we went to the Empire State Building (at night) and I’ve seen the view before, but last night was even more breathtaking than before simply because it was a night view. I think slave m had an eye-opening experience when he realized there was more to the world than he initially thought. I always love the feeling when someone else sees something for the very first time

Isabella Valentine in Times Square

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Happy New Years from Times Square!

Published on January 1, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

Happy New Year from Times Square in New York City! We videotaped the ball going down, the ton of confetti, beautiful fireworks, and everything else! When we get back home in a few days, I’ll post the video. Wow, it was a blast!!!

We’ve shot lots of videos and photos, so when we arrive home - you’ll see lots of new stuff for sure. We even shot a hypnotic smoking video from my hotel room. Hot.

2008 here we come!

Isabella Valentine in Times Square