One of my customers surprised me with a book from my wishlist called the “Comedy Thesaurus” and I’ve been reading it like a madman because it’s just FILLED with awesome quotes from the world’s best comedians with every topic imaginable. Here are some funny lines:
If homosexuality is a disease, let’s all call in queer to work. “Hello, can’t work today. Still queer.” – Robin Tyler
Homophobia: The irrational fear that three fags will break into your house and redecorate it against your will. – Tom Ammiano
The heterosexuals who hate us should stop having us. – Lynda Montgomery
Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don’t think about sex at all… you know, they become lawyers. – Woody Allen
I’m a quadrasexual. That means I’ll do anything for a quarter. – Ed Bluestone
Lots of people think bisexual means cowardly lesbian. – Sandra Bernhard
Bisexuals are incredibly greedy motherfuckers. Get off the fence and pick a hole. – Dennis Miller
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And here’s a religious joke I thought was kinda funny by Emo Phillips:
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, “Stop! Don’t do it! There’s so much to live for!”
He said, “Like what?”
I said, “Well, are you religious or athiest?”
“Religious.”
I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?”
“Christian.”
I said, “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”
“Protestant.”
I said, “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”
“Baptist.”
I said, “Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”
“Baptist Church of God.”
I said, “Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?”
“Reformed Baptist Church of God.”
I said, “Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?”
He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915,” I said, “Die, heretic scum,” and pushed him off.
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Love
Isabella
xoxooxox
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