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Jenna and Isabella

Published on April 11, 2008 in Journal posts. 3 Comments

A short while ago, I introduced my roommate as Jenni… which is her name… however, since agreeing to become my submissive, she is now to be referred to as Jenna. Little Jenna Ah yes, a little slave goddess.

So meet Jenna, my submissive girl in training, who is eager to prove to me that she can become a true slave, mind, body, soul. She’s working really hard to show her submissiveness, and I’m rather impressed. I love whipping her naked body, watching her beg, hearing her talk in third person, pulling her hair, exercising together, and cuddling in front of the television. I can only assume that you all will hear a lot more about her as time goes on, because we’ll be recording mp3s together where I hypnotize her to fall under my hypnotic dominant control. If you like girl-on-girl dominant/submissiveness… then be on the lookout for new content from us. By the way, I love that she’s a vegetarian

Pics of us today:

Jenna and Isabella Valentine

Continue reading ‘Jenna and Isabella’

Slavery vs. Submission

Published on November 23, 2007 in Journal posts. 1 Comment

I took the liberty of writing a new article for my website titled, “Slavery vs. Submission” since there often seems to be a high level of confusion focused around the subjects. I did my best to convey the global interpretation of the two and used words like “usually” and “often” since obviously no relationship can be stereotyped.

I hope some of you find the article insightful. If there’s something I failed to mention or something you think should be added, feel free to let me know. I welcome your ideas.

Read the article here:

“Slavery vs. Submission” by Isabella Valentine

Love
Isabella
xxoxoox

I need someone to beat

Published on October 13, 2007 in Journal posts. 16 Comments

Several more paddles and canes arrived this week, 1 thin rattan cane, 3 various-sizes rattan and tweed paddles, a thick-ended black leather riding crop (longer strap at end then most), and one is a thick metal paddle with holes in it. Problem is, I don’t have anyone to try them out on. Anyone wanna be beaten? hehe… I can whip for a looong time and never get tired. I’m still waiting on one particular paddle which has sandpaper on one end and some sort of prickly thing on the other end. I may have to modify it when I get it to make it a little more intense. And last week some softer faux rabbit fur whips arrived along with a cool pink/black flogger a customer bought me that has some leather straps mixed with faux pink fur - which is great for flogging people who are new to the experience. Today I received a Sephora paddle brush from a customer as a gift which I LOVE because instead of using it for my hair, I’ve put it with all the other whips and stuff. I can’t wait to bend someone over my lap with it and spank them while their legs are kicking and they’re moving all over the place.

There’s something sooo erotic to me about seeing someone in pain. I love the look on their faces when they have tears coming down their cheeks. I love seeing a bare bottom (females are sexier of course, but male butts are ok) when it has red lashes, marks, bruises, and sometimes even a hint of blood where I see how willing they were to take the pain I’ve dished out. I love hearing someone out of breath while in pain as they say, “One, Miss Isabella… Two, Miss Isabella… Three, Miss Isabella…” and they’re in such agony from the blows that they sometimes hesitate to count (or lose count altogether). But of course, if they lose count, I start all over from scratch. It’s an immense turn-on for me when someone’s bare bottom twitches and he/she tries to tighten their cheeks but I smack them again before they get the chance to. Or tying them up and spreading their legs so they’re in a position bent over that prevents them from closing their legs so they feel the pain even more. It’s human nature to want to close one’s legs when they’re getting spanked, so I find it arousing to deny the person from the relief of having their thighs together.

Perhaps the reason I love spanking people so much is because my mom beat the shit out of me when I was a kid and I somehow get off on getting back at the world. But one thing I don’t do… is hit out of anger. I may be very sadistic and enjoy seeing others in pain, but I always do it when I’m in a calm and rational state of mind. Besides, if I get really mad, I just hit my punching bag downstairs and I feel all better. I’m not sure how many people know this (to me it’s pretty obvious), but often I enjoy spanking, flogging, whipping, strapping more than I do sex. Don’t get me wrong. I love having someone licking my pussy, but I get off so much more when I have a striking instrument in my hand. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest - spanking is a 10. Sex is a 9 or 9.5.

I often debate the phrase, “safe, sane, consensual” — because I’ve always thought all of us have some level of insanity within us. I have yet to meet an individual who is completely sane. And besides, if someone is “normal” and “sane” then I sort of assume the person is more on the vanilla side. After all, what sane person wants to be suspended up in the air and beaten upside down with a nettles plant? (And there are people who do!) Speaking of nettles, that’s some pretty scary stuff. I’ve masturbated to some of that on the OWK where people were tortured with nettles, but I’m not so sure I’d want to be the one inflicting the pain with that. If it touches me, I’ll be screaming just like them. That’s pretty extreme and I haven’t met anyone personally who likes it cause it’s so obscure.

Instead of safe, sane, consensual (also known as ssc), I like this better:

Legal, no permanent body damage, kinky and rational, and if you don’t consent, then leave.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe in torturing people (I am extremely against that not only on a personal level but on a global level) and I certainly don’t believe in holding people against their will. However, what I say goes. If someone thinks I’m too extreme or pushing them to the edge (which I love to do), then they know where the door is. The word “safe” is kind of weird for me. I understand the intention behind it and I agree to an extent. If the word “safe” implies boundaries, then I can agree. However if the word “safe” implies that I’ll never dangerously brainwash you, then I’m guilty. But it’s only cause I know the person likes it. Speaking of safe words, the only time I’ve had a submissive/slave use a safe word with me has been at play parties because I usually don’t know the person and aren’t familiar with their tolerance level. But none of My personal subs or slaves has ever used a safe word with me. For their protection, I set safety words in place and will comply fully, but I’m very good at reading a person’s body language and usually know how far they can withstand the pain and push them to the brink of what they can stomach. Is it safe? Technically, yes. Is brainwashing safe? Well, that’s a whole different journal entry. If safety is the opposite of danger, would you agree that we all do things with some element of danger? Danger can be fun, right? Is it safe to hang upside down? It is safe to bungee jump? Is it safe to jump out of a helicopter? Is it safe to keep George W in office while we lose $270 million a day? Is it safe to streak naked outside? It all depends on who you ask. We all have different responses to different situations.

People sometimes fail to understand me or where I’m coming from. I don’t blame them really. I’m a complex person with many sides of me who equally fight for attention. Sometimes I say things that, at times, can be oxymorons to my own beliefs - or worse, sometimes my beliefs conflict with other beliefs. For instance, how can I be a human rights activist and be anti-torture… but I love tying people up and whipping them with huge amounts of pain? Sure, the latter is consensual. But what if the person is screaming “stop, please that hurts” (not the safe word) — that usually just turns me on more and I keep going (in fact, sometimes I command the person to say those types of things to me cause it really turns me on). Yeah. That’s a pretty contradicting belief, isn’t it?

But yeah, I get off on pain. In fact, sometimes when I watch porn, sometimes I don’t even care what’s going on in the video. I just shut my eyes and listen. I’m more auditory than visual/kinesthetic and really love to hear the pain. The gasps of breath. The agony. The hesitation before the scream. The yells that sometimes happen before the strike if the Domme pretends to wack them.

I dream of the day I have someone chained, locked up, and tied for extended periods of time who I can just beat at a moment’s notice - with or without reason, and them let them down when I want my pussy licked. Of course, in my head, that’s the perfect scenario… but I kinda like a slave I can talk to and have fun with as well. After all, I’m looking for a slave, not a punching bag. It’s nice to have someone with whom I can show my affection. It’s all about a mutual bond.

Love
Isabella
xoxoxoxo

Domme Discrimination

Published on September 6, 2007 in Journal posts. 11 Comments

Well tomorrow I’m going to a munch in Indy with folks within the BDSM community. Gotta be frank, out here in Indiana, I’ve gone through great lengths to try to find people to hang out with. So I am very excited, optimistic, and hopeful about tomorrow and the new friends I’ll make.

However, on another note. One particular yahoo group community called Andromeda, which is geared towards lesbians and transgenders in the BDSM community (hello, I’m a perfect candidate) unapproved my membership in their group. Why, you ask? Because I’m Isabella Valentine and they merely assumed I was there to advertise my services, which couldn’t have been further from the truth. It’s so frustrating. I went there, as a normal human being. A domme wanting to be part of a discussion with likeminded people in Indiana, and because my outdated profile showed me as “Isabella Valentine” (even though I didn’t introduce myself as such), I basically got a slap in the face. I was stereotyped as a “pro domme” as if somehow people pay me to beat them. And so what if someone does? Would it make me that much “less” as a domme if money is exchanged for a service? I am so sick and tired of being stereotyped and pigeonholed. If you look for something negative to happen, then negativity will happen. If you expect greatness, you’ll receive greatness. However, one thing I never looked for (or expected) was to be considered “non-human” by people who didn’t even take the time to get to know me.

This sort of reminds me of the time my friend got discriminated against by Paypal when they accused her of selling porn and labeled her a “porn star” when all she was doing was asking friends for money when she needed it. It was a horrible thing she went through. People defining her and labeling her. It was downright disgusting. And now, in some twisted way, it feels like I’m going through something similar. Never in a million years did I think that I would be categorized (within my personal life) as a domme only interested in money. It really is ludicrous. I’ve lived and breathed domination for years and personally, I can’t imagine my life without it. I feel empty without a slave. I feel lonely and isolated without a slave partner of my own. No true slave of mine has ever forked over one red cent to me. I’ve thrown fetish parties out of my home where anyone was welcome. No one paid a dime there either, not even tips. So where do they get off saying money is my only intention? That’s like calling me a prostitute or something.

Sorry to get off tangent, but this has been weighing on my shoulders all freaking day. It was so rude of that moderator to dismiss my application in such a cowardly way. I even wrote back explaining my intentions were purely selfless and a submissive male replied with complete discrimination. I’ve been discriminated against for years, whether being gay (I was gay before gay was “in” and went through hell in Alabama because of it) or being fat or being young or being a girl… and now I’m being discriminated against because of my occupation. It’s absolutely ridiculous. I won’t apologize for my occupation. My work is a deep passion. I offer people what they want - hope, a release, a fantasy, a life away from the mundane. I’d much rather be doing this, than go back to working at a newspaper.

I’m tired of having to defend myself all the time. So from this day forward, it ends here. The only way good things will come my way is to attract them, so I’m going to do my best to do just that.

Love
Isabella
xoxoxo

Meet slave claire

Published on September 4, 2007 in Journal posts. 5 Comments

I recently began my new quest in finding a potential slave for a 24/7 relationship. Gotta have me a slavegirl. I’ve gotten many inquiries, but so far there’s one particular girl who has captivated my interest. Her name is slave claire from Florida and we seem to have many fetishes in common - plus she’s willing to relocate. This morning we chatted on IM and personally, I think we’re a match made in heaven. We’re practically the same age, we have the same types of goals (and she loves the idea of being brainwashed and hypnotized), and she’s fucking hot too! So anyway, we’ll see how it goes. Right now I’m putting her through speech restriction and whenever she messes up, I tell her to bite her tongue so she feels immediate pain and at the same time is gagged. Poor girl messed up quite a bit and spent a lot of time biting her tongue. I love training her! Anyway, as you all know, it takes TIME to find compatibility and certainly doesn’t happen overnight. In the past, I’ve trained lots of girls but not all of them were on the same page as me - but this girl just might be. However, I thought it would be nice to share my current interest. She gave me permission to share her photos in my journal (that’s something I always ask and never just assume).

I think she is breathtaking.

Love
Isabella
xoxoxox

Flashback on domination

Published on August 17, 2007 in Journal posts. 9 Comments

One entry I still find amusing is this one
where I am slowly coming out of my shell from a submissive to a dominant.

Looking back now, I see I’ve always had a dominant streak. I was raised to be a leader, not a follower. Even when I was 14 years old, my father and I owned and edited our own magazine which was quite successful. Being in charge and setting my own path was always something I did and loved it. But there were other situations growing up where I often felt other people did things “better” whether it was looking physically sexier, wearing better things, or having some sort of physical remnant associated with their success. Therefore, it would only seem natural for me to turn into a “follower” of such people. If I saw someone wearing something expensive, it would seem “my place” to just listen to them because deep down, I figured they knew more than me.

My philosophy has drastically changed. In that previous entry, I was struggling with submission and domination. At the time, I considered myself submissive simply because I liked having my arms pinned down. Go figure. It was only then that I realized that maybe submission didn’t feel so natural anymore and felt forced. Today, domination is my life. I live it and breathe it. The only time I ever feel submissive in any way is around a beautiful woman. Sometimes I want to dominate her and sometimes I want to submit to her. Can’t explain it.

The thing is, I still like my arms pinned down, but in a very different way. I like to be the one commanding the person to do it to me. I like the control I have when I give the other person the illusion of control. Sometimes I tell slave m to spank me really hard and while he’s doing it, I am humiliating him by saying, “Is that as hard as you can hit, you fucking pussy? You hit like a girl.” Anytime I ever feel any ounce of submission, it’s only when deep down I know I am in the dominant position although the other person only BELIEVES I am being submissive. Mentally, it’s a huge turn-on.

I’ve said for the longest time that years ago I started out as a submissive. Funny thing is, I was never actually submissive in my personal sex life. However, I was submissive when I did phone sex on the phone in certain fantasy situations. It turned me on to hear other men act like they were in control of me without actually having to do things like suck their cocks or whatever. Just the idea of sucking a cock makes me want to puke. I’ve never liked it and I’m not even turned on by penises.

But when I see a woman, I get so aroused, the power within me completely melts. I forget all about domination and submission. Some women, I can instantly dominate and feel completely in control. I’ve whipped, spanked and dominated dozens of women in real life. However, sometimes I can meet a woman (even though she is submissive) and feel completely helpless and powerless to her. It’s like she has some sort of spell on me. It’s as though I lose all my thoughts and plans and become a puddle to her. Slave deidre is a prime example. She’s extremely submissive and yet when I’m around her in real life, my legs turn to jelly and my dominant side struggles to come out. And yet, when I THINK about her, I am in full control. I feel like she is on her knees looking up at me and I am tugging at her hair or binding her up so she’s naked and vulnerable.

However, on the opposite side of the coin, sometimes I just give into the feelings of submitting to a woman. One Mistress I’ve submitted to is Miss Devon. I love spoiling her. I send her cash whenever she demands it. She humiliates me. She teases me relentlessly and in return I’d buy her gifts off her wishlist. I am in awe of her and she knows I always will be. She often tells me she wants me to submit to her in real life and I laugh it off. I mean, in fantasy it seems like a helluva lot of fun. But she knows I’m a dominatrix too and I think it tickles her that she holds the cards when it comes to controlling me. And she does.

And then there’s other times I want to neither be in control or submit and I get off just hearing a woman orgasming. I’ve done calls with Angela St. Lawrence (also a great friend and confidant), Angelena69 (wow that Latina voice, she is a great friend too who I’ve called off the system), Hypnotic Savannah (called for hypnosis one time, sweet girl, nice southern drawl. I’ve also done some flash animations for her), Mistress Lycia (called for hypnosis initially then changed my mind and just wanted to hear her get off and I definitely came hard. We’ve also done recordings together), Wet n Wild Maria (I’ve listened to her recordings and that girl cums hard - I’ve also done graphics for her)… just to name a few.

And for years when I worked at other companies, I did threesome and foursome calls with other girls (free for me cause the client would pay for the calls and I would participate). I got off hearing the other girls, whether they were being dominant or submissive or just hearing them orgasm.

I’ve come to the realization that around women, I have switch personalities. When I’m around men, it’s all about me dominating them cause I think they’re all pussies.

Love
Isabella
xoxooxx

slave m

Published on August 15, 2007 in Journal posts. 2 Comments

Just got off the phone with slave m. He’s currently staying with a family member due to an unexpected emergency (happened late July). Depending on circumstances out of our control, I expect him to return home on August 28th or 29th.

Time without him has been good and bad.

While I was in London, I spent a great deal of time with ANOTHER person whom I treated like a slave, which allowed me to release a lot of my power for control. I felt much better knowing I had somewhat of a “substitute slave” (but not actually a slave, just someone willing to put up with my power trips and demands). I didn’t dwell on slave m or think about him that much. I know he thought about me a lot though cause he told me how much he misses me and how sad he is without me. But the only slave I really thought of while in London was slave deidre. The perfect girl slave in every way. Is it wrong that I would have wanted deidre more than my own slave maurice to enjoy my time in a different country? Oh well. Needless to say, slave m wasn’t on my mind. I was actually kind of pissed at him to be honest, for reasons I will not get into.

Returning home, however, was a different story. I found that I miss him a great deal. I miss hearing him beg for permission to go to sleep or asking me what he can do to honor me, such as giving me a (much needed) foot massage or drawing my bath. Funny thing is, last night was the first time I soaked in the bathtub BY MYSELF without having my slave clean me, wash my hair, or shave my legs for a VERY long time. I felt alone in my tub cleaning myself. I missed hands in my hair. I missed water being poured gently over my hair to rinse away the shampoo. I missed holding my leg over the side of the tub so his hands would delicately hold a razor and remove unwanted stubble. I missed his legs behind me. I missed his back and shoulder massages while I would put eye makeup remover around my eyes and rinse it off. I missed him towel drying me from head to toe while he would be instructed to keep his head bowed.

I miss telling him I’m thirsty and knowing that seconds later, a bottle of cold water would be open and waiting for me to drink. I miss it.

Two more weeks without him seems like hell right now. The chair at the other desk is empty. That’s where he normally sits. At the other computer. Normally, I would turn to my left and I would see the back of his head. I love seeing the back of a slave, because it makes me feel even more powerful. I love knowing that I can walk behind him and sneak up on him or tower over him and when he turns, he must look up at me. I miss that. And I want him here.

When he does come home, he’s gonna go through hell to please me, I know that.

Love
Isabella
xooxoxo

Obligations and work

Published on July 22, 2007 in Journal posts. 1 Comment

Mmmm glances at the clock… it’s 7am and I’m still awake. Been up all night. Time flies when you’re having fun and being busy at the same time! On July 18th (four days ago), slave m moved in with me so we could finally start our lives together. I’ve waited such a long time to have a relationship like this, especially since I get to call all the shots and make my own rules and fuck who I want. Who wouldn’t want to live like that? It really is a dream come true.

People have asked me if having a slave means “bossing him/her around all the time,” and that kind of makes me laugh. I mean, sure, I tell him what to do and he obeys me. However, being in charge doesn’t necessarily mean being bossy. If I want something, say a bottle of water, I may say to him, “I’m thirsty, you know what to do.” He automatically stops whatever he is doing to bring me a cold bottle out of the fridge. He does it fast and obediently and with a smile on his face. And other times I may say to him, “Please pass me that over there.” That sometimes gets me thinking. Think about it for a moment. A dominatrix telling you to “please” do something? Some people may argue that Dommes never should say please because it is a sign of weakness, but I disagree. I believe that saying please is neither weak, nor strong, but simply a sign of respect. Sometimes I say it. Sometimes I don’t. Regardless of if I say it, the point is… the request will be obeyed.

And the whole uppercase/lowercase thing… sigh. If I’m on IM or email and speaking with one of my many slaves, then sure I’ll play the “text character” they want to see (or perhaps how I’m feeling at the time). But in my journal, I use it off and on because I don’t necessarily feel I’m speaking to someone, more like… speaking from my own head and it just so happens people may read it. I get confused when I’m asked to reply to someone and I’m not sure which capitalization method to use. It’s a pain in the ass. Domination is my life, so being asked to type text in a way that conforms to people’s perceptions of “true domination” is really ridiculous. I’ll write the way I want. Don’t like it? Don’t read it.

So much is going on right now that I’m really behind. I’m still working on mp3s that Mistress Alexandra and I recorded together and it’s aggravating because I really want to start working on my own stuff already. It’s been two months and my customers miss hearing my solo projects. It’s just with all my traveling, studying, and a long list of obligations in my personal life, I fell really behind. With slave m here, I’m finally getting some extra help to start catching up. He’s in audio training right now, learning all the tricks of the trade and I’m hoping within another 24-48 hours, I’ll release the last of the duet mp3s (excluding the one that comes out in October) to the public. After that, I am definitely going to start doing my solo mp3s.

My father has been waiting a great deal of time for me to publish his book and his patience has finally run out. I feel bad because he gave me the manuscript and I told two years ago I would publish it for him as a Christmas present. I kept running out of time. I really want to finish it, but I need to create solo recordings first because that’s what pays my bills (the catch 22 is that working on solo recordings right now is unfair to Alexandra who has been waiting for 2 months for me to finish editing these in post-production.) I had other obligations to other people who would ask me, “Have you done this for me yet?” or people saying, “I really need you to do this, you’re the only one I trust to do this and it has to be done now.” It’s really gotten to the point where I’m about to get really selfish because it seems all I do is help other people out and although the rewards can be nice, it is emotionally and physically draining. Last week I made a last-minute trip to California to help my mom get conservatorship rights over my brother. She was worried that without my eye-witness testimony, she may not win. She was such a nervous wreck when I arrived that she was in no condition to configure her legal paperwork. I traveled all the way from Indiana just to put together paperwork that proved 36 inaccuracies in the Court Investigator’s report to hand to her lawyer… and he didn’t even look at them! My testimony wasn’t needed in court. Hell, I wasn’t really needed at all when push came to shove. And yet, my bill for going there costed me over $1500 out of pocket. Not to mention the $8000 I spent there the first trip earlier this month. That money adds up.

I had intended to use that money to get a hotel in London. But because of several “this comes first” things, I haven’t paid for the hotel yet, which sucks. Can you imagine taking a plane out of country and not acquiring a decent hotel? Ah yes, I can hear my dad now, “Why are you going to London when you promised you’d work on my book? I thought you didn’t have time.” And although he hasn’t said it verbally, I know he is thinking it. And the thing is, I earned my London trip. I told myself that once I lost 100 lbs, I would go to London to celebrate my “getting to my half-way goal” and I’m not quite there, but very close (lost 90 lbs). I’ll have lost that amount when I return though. Unfortunately while I was in California, I got sucked back in to all my favorite restaurants and fatty/delicious foods and fell off track for a while. So I’ve worked it off and am back where I started a month ago. Sad, huh? Being in Indiana feels so much like home that it actually FEELS easier to drop the pounds here.

And slave m has a court obligation on July 25th which requires a quick trip back to Virginia. And since I’m the bread-earner around here, it’s my duty to make sure he gets there and back. It’s one thing after another. His laptop crashed. We found out it’s cheaper to buy a new computer than fix it. So I bought (with credit card) a new Intel iMac and am using that for me and am letting him use my older computer. Oh yeah, my older computer burned it’s power supply the same day his laptop crashed, so I had to replace that too. Running to and from stores to buy technical stuff is an all-day job, especially in this town. And people wonder where my time goes.

The list of people “needing” things from me is to the point I just want to shut off all communication. I understand that people need things. Perhaps I shouldn’t have offered my services to begin with. People can (and have) survived without me.

So for now, I am going to do what has to be done and thankfully I have a slave helping me with the burden. It really REALLY makes a difference and I’m very thankful to have him here. Even before I woke up this morning, he was upstairs setting up a parallel windows program on my mac so that I could use my windows-platform programs on the computer without having to repurchase a bunch of new items (for right now). Isn’t that sweet? I didn’t even have to ask him. That really surprised me and started my day beautifully.

I released the duet mp3, “Sensual Massage” earlier this morning. Also I added livejournal tags to the last 45 entries for more convenient navigation.

By the way I had sex with a hot, petite stripper with cute tits and a tight little ass when I was in Anaheim last week. I don’t even know what her real name is, how sad is that? I actually made a video blog of the “night after” in the hotel room and if I have time (low on priority list) I’ll post it.

I’m slowly turning slave m into a cuckold. Last night while cuddled in bed, I said, “I bet so-and-so is better in bed than you are.” This caught him off guard, but not surprising to me, aroused him a great deal. I’ve been calling him other names during intimate moments and after first initial shock, he acknowledges his inadequacies and that a Goddess likes me deserves variety.

Love
Isabella
xxoxooxox

Domme and her slave

Published on May 27, 2007 in Journal posts. 15 Comments

Isabella and slave maurice together…

Love
Isabella
xooxoxoxo

My weekend with slave m

Published on May 14, 2007 in Journal posts. 11 Comments

I’ve got jungle fever…

slave m returned home today and all I can say is that things couldn’t have gone any better or any smoother. The two of us couldn’t have had stronger chemistry than we did.

I met him at the airport and at first his flight was delayed (and it was his first time ever on a plane, so he was already nervous as hell about that). When he saw me, I was sitting on a chair with a skirt and my boots on with ash brown hair and a sexy shirt and I saw him looking around nervously. Our eyes met and locked and I put my finger up to my face as if to say “come here” and he immediately walked over and sat beside me without looking at me. He was shaking like a leaf. He couldn’t speak. His whole body was shaking. He couldn’t even turn his head to look at me. I put my hand on the back of his head and whispered in his hear, “You are so very relaxed. Close your eyes and relax. Take a deep breath and relax.” and he did. And his heart rate began to lower and for the next 5 minutes, I did a relaxation induction to make him less nervous because I knew he was extremely nervous about the entire ordeal. And after 5 minutes his body was calm and it was as though the two of us were the only ones that existed inside the airport. Then he pulled out a gift out of his bag for me. A glass (or is it crystal?) clock with a personal engraving telling me how special I was and then he signed his name on it. The gift was absolutely breathtaking and I thanked him and told him I had something for him too. He knew what to expect. He lowered his head and I put the steel collar around his neck and padlocked it. Then I attached the leash, asked him if he was ready to go home and with a calm voice he said, “Yes Goddess, I’m ready.” and the two of us walked out of the airport together - his head bowed while he stared at the back of my boots as we walked into the parking lot, ignoring any prying eyes.

When we got home, I told him to undress and he asked if he could undress in the bathroom. I said no. This scared him. I told him to get on his knees. He did so. I told him to take his shirt off, which he did. With me standing above him and him being on his knees, I stared into his eyes - which felt like I was stealing his soul. I told him to remove his belt, pants, and underwear while on his knees as I stood above him. He knew from where I was standing I couldn’t see his naked body anyway cause I was directly above his face and was only staring at his eyes. Neither one of us were blinking. He was starting to shake again out of nervousness. I liked seeing him nervous. hehe. He got naked. Our eyes stayed locked. Then I told him to grab the towel at his feet and cover his genitals so I wouldn’t have to look at it. He thanked me for mercy. I suppose he was so overloaded with nervousness since it was the beginning of our meeting that he didn’t want me to see his naked body yet. Then I told him to get inside the sauna for 35 minutes where it got about 110 degrees and he had to sit naked and get sweaty (which also lowered his heart rate and I thought was essential for setting the tone and making him relaxed). I left him alone in there for 25 minutes. For the last 10 minutes in there, I shocked him by walking in there wearing nothing but a towel and sat beside him while he was sweating (by the way one of my brainwashing recordings was playing on the cd player in there the whole time). Within 5 minutes, I was sweating and I commanded to lick the sweat off my body which he did immediately. He was already feeling submissive. After we got out, I told him to put on only a pair of black boxer briefs (ooh so sexy), which he continued to wear the whole day.

The things I put him through were VERY extreme and he endured it ALL and THEN some. I showed him true edge play and he did things he never thought possible and opened up his mind to so many new things and now he’s even more devoted to me than ever. The attraction between the two of us is very real and sparks flew from the moment I saw him. I did not have intercourse with him (that was purely my decision although he begged and begged and begged to have sex with me) but wow… he sure made me cum in many other ways using his mouth and his fingers. He rimmed my ass with my tongue (something I wasn’t sure if I would like, but I wanted him to do it cause I was curious to see if I would like it), fingered my ass to orgasm (again - something I’m usually not into, but I was so aroused … I was pretty much open to so much more stuff)… he performed oral sex on my pussy (holy shit I was cumming like crazy), fingered my pussy several times (omg that was hot), sucked on my nipples just the way I commanded him to, drew me a warm bubble bath and sat behind me with his feet in the water and massaged my shoulders and shampooed and rinsed my hair, washed my body, shaved both of my legs, dried me off with a towel, picked out my clothes for me, set the table and got dinner ready, gave me many foot and full body massages, allowed me to put a hood over his face which covered his mouth and eyes and only exposed his ears so that I could speak to him and/or put earphones on his head, let me use pin prick vampire gloves on his back, use all kinds of bondage devices on him while being locked in place to test his trust to me, etc.

I even padlocked him inside the brainwashing cage with black fabric draped over it with 4 strobe lights within it and a flashing hypnosis light and a pair of earphones (with high volume) while he was shackled and gagged his mouth while he was inside. I gave him a bike horn with an embarrassing sound he would have to squeeze in the event he felt faint or dizzy (which he never had to use, thank goodness). While inside the cage, I had bought a video monitor with night-vision and hooked it on the upper right hand corner so I could watch him at all times within the cage to see how he was handling the brainwashing. I was SO turned on. I had him in it more than once during his stay. I loved seeing him gagged! Also I put him in a chastity device with the points-of-intrigue which cause extreme pain when he gets an erection so I spent the whole weekend teasing the fuck out of him and he pretty much maintained a full erection the whole time. So he was in pain constantly. I would even sit on his cock practically naked and put my breasts on his face (which only made his cock harder and the pain would intensify) while I demanded he stay quiet and not make a sound. This only made my control over him more intense and made his erection stronger. I loved that feeling so much! When I put him in the brainwashing cage, he was practically screaming with that gag in his mouth and moaning with his eyeballs popping cause he felt so good and yet in so much pain and I was watching him on video the whole time. Later he said it was one of the most erotic experiences of his whole life and he had no idea pleasure and pain could feel so good. He had always assumed in the past that pain was pain. He assumed pleasure was pleasure. He didn’t know they could mix together so well.

I even used 15 whipping devices on him - floggers, paddles, riding crops, even a cane! He took them so well! He has welts all over his ass…. I was extremely impressed. Wow. He had no idea he was capable of enduring such harsh pain that I dished out. ESPECIALLY SINCE HAD NEVER BEEN SPANKED BEFORE. I was sooooo turned on watching him gasp in pain while I took the cane all the way back in the air and struck him as hard as I could. I had prepared his ass to get nice and warm for nearly an hour before getting him to that point so the blows wouldn’t be so harsh, but the sting of a cane is enough to make a grown man cry. He didn’t utter a sound. He just flinched, swallowed and grit his teeth and I heard a large gasp of air come out of his lips. That breath of air turned me on in so many ways. And he was becoming aroused with each stroke, so his cock was enduring pain as well (in his chastity device with the sharp points digging into his penis). For someone who had only been in vanilla relationships his whole life, I was really impressed with his pain tolerance as well as endurance.

Throughout his brainwashing and my random hypnosis… snapping my fingers and him falling to the floor immediately in a hypnotic sleep…. or putting a pendant to his face and commanding him to do things he never thought possible…. he did things…. things… he swore he would never be turned on by. I knew otherwise. He even tried on a pair of satin panties for the first time. And he loved them! He wore a satin nightgown too! And a skirt! And a wig! And high heels! All these things! And he loved them SO much that his erection had him SCREAMING for hours inside his chastity device. He was shocked that he could possibly like such an embarrassing ordeal. I was showing him that humiliation can cause pleasure (just like pain can cause pleasure). He mind was going through a sensory overload. I even took pictures of him while he was in bondage and a hood over his head while dressed like a girl and blackmailed him and will use those pictures against him in the future if he doesn’t follow my instructions. He found out that blackmail is a new fetish of his as well. Several other new fetishes I tried on him he ended up loving (I can’t mention them here due to Niteflirt TOS but let’s just say the two of us are very compatible on many levels).

Later on I performed a love spell on him - a real one. I got out my magickal spells and witchcraft candles and stuff and with his permission, the two of us made an everlasting bond where he dedicated his life to me to be under my control for the rest of his life. That moment became very real to him. The constant reminder of the locked steel collar around his neck and my leash pulling him (by the way I leashed him in public when getting food for him and also at the airport), the constant reminder of my ownership over him with leather shackles on his wrists and ankles…. he even got locked with a leg spreader around his ankles and was forced to walk around and fetch things for me around the house which he found incredibly challenging to learn how to walk sideways through doors. I showed him a little bit how I make hypnosis recordings, since he would be trained how to help me with sound effects and post-production and he was absolutely fascinated with how it works. Poor guy almost went into a trance just listening to it in pre-production and I kept having to snap him out of it.

I had him under lock and key the whole time. The house completely alarmed so he couldn’t leave. His cock under my control (chastity) so he couldn’t touch it, have a full erection, or ejaculate (although I let him once during his time here but it was embarrassing the way I made him do it). I controlled when he ate. What he ate. When he was allowed to go to the bathroom. When he was supposed to go to the gym and work out with me. Which machines he was to use. When he was supposed to stop working out. Which clothes to wear. Which clothes to remove. He learned that I punish him immediately on the spot when he says things that are inappropriate (for example: “May I put my shirt on, Goddess?”) that comment got him 5 hand spankings simply because there was no reason for it. It wasn’t cold. He was just embarrassed. I told him while I was spanking him that if I want to embarrass him, he will endure it because it is for my pleasure. He simply said, “Yes Goddess.” Eventually I spanked him less and less cause he caught on quickly and learned what I would and would not tolerate.

On another level, I love sleeping with him in bed. I had planned to make him sleep in the guest room, but I wanted to feel his arms around me and see if the two of us were compatible as sleeping partners. Boy were we! The way he spooned with me. Wow. His arms holding me tight. His warm lips on mine. Wow. Felt so good. I love climbing on top of him and holding his arms down and looking deep into his eyes and saying a few words of hypnosis and watching him lose complete control to me and it’s as though he just melts underneath me. He tells me constantly how beautiful I am and how unworthy he is to be in my presence. He tells me that I am out of his league and that he is such a lowly slave and so very undeserving. When he says stuff like that, I just take him in my arms and cradle his head to my breasts and hug him and he tells me, “I love you” and I return his comment with, “You will always be devoted to me.” And it just makes the bond stronger. The way he stares at my body - it’s as though I’m a gold statue or something. I’ve never felt more beautiful or more sexy. He admires everything about me. The way he touches me… he compliments me while touching me to remind me of my beauty whether or not I need to hear it… simply because he feels a Goddess deserves to hear how amazing she is. How incredible is that? I am still in shock. As is he. He is in shock that he endured all that he went through (wearing the panties was the most shocking he said) and that he found someone he wants to spend his life with in such a short time. I am in shock that I have found… well, a man (although I will still be attracted to women my whole life) with whom I believe will be my life partner. My slave.

He and I have discussed already our interest in moving in together. However there are still some last minute details that need to be taken care of first on his end that simply can’t be rushed. A surgery. Health insurance stuff. And a few financial things. The process may take a month or so, I think. It would break my heart if he changes his mind. I doubt he will, but there are other factors involved that might jeopardize his moving here. But I can say one thing with certainty… if/when he does move here… it will be lifelong. And we both know that.

Love
Isabella
xoxooxox

preparing for slave m

Published on April 28, 2007 in Journal posts. 2 Comments

Today I felt my first rushes of nervousness go through my body in my excitement just fantasizing about my future time together with slave m. And I know it’s normal to be both nervous and excited when it comes to meeting a complete stranger whom you connect with online but have never met in person. I feel so many emotions towards this person and the truth is, I know that deep down HE is more nervous than I am. He is scared shitless to meet me because he puts me on such a high pedestal. And not only that, he worships the ground I walk on and has never once lived, breathed, or experienced a BDSM relationship, so he will be looking to me to set all the mood and the pace. I have no problem with that, I actually prefer it that way. And until today, I wasn’t really nervous at all. But for some reason, today I was sitting down and it occured to me, that… oh my God. This will be my first time… in a LONG time… that I have taken an unowned slave into My home and began the art of training. The act of starting from part one… setting rules. Enforcing them. Enforcing commands. Setting limits and and guidelines. Giving instructions and what to do, what not to do. How to do it right. What I like and how I like it. What to say and how to say it right. How to lower your head and when the right time to do it is. When to beg and when it’s simply ridiculous.

Training a slave is an art form. Anyone can pretend to be a dominatrix. But only someone who has clearly been doing this for years can have the patience to train someone the proper way. And the thing is… no one can be trained in a weekend. It just can’t be done. Otherwise, you’re just training a “play slave” and it’s not real slavery. It’s just a fun time and it’s not anything tangible and it’s not what I’m seeking. What I’ve been doing with slave m has been putting him through somewhat of an online training for months, to get him somewhat ready for what will happen to him. And what to expect when he arrives from me and what I expect from him in return. I’ve been trying to teach him about pain and pleasure and introduced him to so many different fetishes he had never heard of before. Many he had misconceptions about and I had to go through them one by one and say things like, “No… actually… you’ve got that all wrong. It’s actually a beautiful fetish and it’s very erotic. You just have to understand it.” And then once it’s explained to him, his mind opens up and he becomes fascinated with the concept and he trusts me to try it with him. That’s what I like about him. There’s very few things he’s said no to (the only things he’s said no to are the same things I’ve said no to myself). And the things I want to try with him are things he’s interested in too. I am so excited and whether or not we end up having a 24/7 relationship, who knows. Like I’ve said before. His family and friends all live out there. He has a job and a home. He lives in another state. He has another life. Would he be willing to give it all up after just one weekend with me? Maybe. Who knows.

So many guys say to me all the time, “I would do ANYTHING to be your slave.” But the thing is, no they wouldn’t. It’s mostly fantasy to a lot of people. They like to IMAGINE themselves as my slave. Or they like to imagine themselves as my slave for a weekend or a week or a month. But for a lifetime? To give up their lives? Then it becomes real to them. And being a “slave” is different than being a “submissive.” Because being a slave means serving me and being selfless in every way. But being submissive generally involves wanting some sort of equal power exchange and wanting some sort of sexual satisfaction in return. Guys write me and say they want to be my slave, but really they are just submissives because they assume I’ll want to fuck their ass with a strapon (that’s pleasing them, not me), or want me to dress them up like little girls (again, that’s catering to THEIR fetish and is not a selfless act and does not qualify them as being a slave), or want me to “do this” or “do that” to them. A true slave isn’t about that. Sure, a slave and a Mistress need to have similar fetishes. But for years I’ve been surrounded by people who pretend to be slaves or pretend to worship me when really, they don’t have a clue. And for once in my life, I’ve met someone who I’ve helped transform from a submissive to a true genuine slave. And he loves this transformation and wants to see if it’s something he can handle in a real situation. Personally, I think he can. As often as we talk and as well as I know his reactions, responses, fears, and anxieties… I know how far to push him and when to stop. I know how to take him to the edge of many fetishes and when to reel him back in. Both of us have dreamed about this almost all of our lives.

Just the very thought of this is making me nervous though and it’s not that I’m afraid of “messing up” because I’m rather experienced at this. It’s just that I’m excited and nervous about meeting him. I’m also sort of sexually nervous too, if that makes sense. God I can’t believe I’m even admitting that in my journal. I mean. I gotta admit. I’m not attracted to that many men. But some of his photos turn me on. If I decide to get impulsive and bind him down and fuck his brains out… well, that will be the first time I will feel a real *man penis* inside me, in well… about a year. And like… what if there’s no sexual chemistry at all? Hmmm I doubt that will happen and even if that does, we’ll still have fun I’m sure. And what if the sexual chemistry is all one sided? Or what if I decide to fuck him on top and one of my knees gives out on me and I’m not able to walk anymore for the rest of the weekend? How embarrassing would that be? It’s terrible that I’m thinking about that but for the last 6 or 7 months sometimes I’ll be exercising and pull a knee muscle and not be able to walk up and down stairs anymore or something drastic. Thankfully that hasn’t happened in 2 months now. (The more weight I lose, the better my knees have been getting). And it’s not like I’m PLANNING on fucking him. Hell we both know it’s not even on the agenda. Trust me, I got so many other things on my brain of things I want to do with him that don’t include intercourse. But in the past, I’ve always gotten impulsive when horniness got the best of me, especially when I hadn’t had a penis in about a year. And well, I’ll have a horny, naked man in my house worshipping me. It’s a good thing he’ll have a chastity device on…. and perhaps I might have him KEEP it on just to remind me not to fuck him. Plus it might add to his humiliation if I just tell him I only like girls anyway and he doesn’t have a chance to get near my vagina. (But fuck if I get horny, that only hurts my pleasure which is a waste of his large cock being there. I’m only using him for his penis anyway and he knows that.)

Anyway I’m not nervous in a bad way, I hope it’s not coming across that way. I’m actually kind of “happy nervous” because I want the time to fly for him to get here. I want to know what the “verdict is” to know how things went already. I hate the WAITING period. I hate just shaking my leg or tapping my foot and staring at the calendar waiting for the day to arrive when I can blindfold him, cuff him, cage him, and lock him up. I want to begin brainwashing him already and introduce him to my world. I want to watch him strip naked in front of me, which he is scared shitless to do, bow in front of me and be trained to beg and obey. This is a purely vanilla boy who is suddenly going to be dipped in caramel and his whole world will never be the same. I hope I live up to his high expectations. He thinks so well of me and sees me as a queen as though I could do no harm. I would hate to introduce him to a side of me that is grotesque or meanspirited. I hope I don’t see a dead rat in the house or something cause then he’d see a different side to me. But then again, I can only be me. He’s heard a lot of my hypnosis recordings, both evil and sweet, which I’ve given to him and he loves. He’s heard many sides of me and seen many photos of me that others have not. He’s even seen me topless (masturbating) on webcam LOL haha. So um… what can I say. I’ve done my part in delivering realistic expectations.

Ok I’ve talked way too much and spoken too much private stuff so I’m gonna stop talking now.

Love
Isabella
xoxooxox