I’ve never been much of a club-hopper. Since starting my diet 10 months ago, I’ve rarely gone to bars or clubs at all. Last night though, I stepped out of my box.

Last night I hooked up with my good friend (sort of my best friend here in Bloomington), Rick, for a night on the town. Usually we go to Uncle Elizabeth’s, the only gay bar in this neck of the woods, but we were so bored there that we began club-hopping throughout the night. First stop, Uncle E’s (I was miserable cause there were no girls there, only guys). Second stop, the Irish Lion, a nice little joint to get some pub grub past midnight. Then we went next door to the Crazy Horse where the girls all wore short sundresses (all the women looked like party girls from some Cinemax movie). I was the ONLY girl wearing pants. Twilight zone. However one particular lady had my attention. An off-duty bartender in a white dress kept singing songs with the music playing while looking and pointing me (for instance: “All I want for christmas is youuuuuu) and although the music (why on earth were they playing that one christmas song in late August?) threw me off-guard, the girl sure had me hooked. I went outside to get some fresh air and she came out there too and I blurted out, “You are gorgeous.” She looked at me with an expression that said “I’m flattered and stunned.” So I said to her, “Like, drop dead gorgeous.” And then she leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I told her she made my night and she said that I made hers. The thing is, the Irish Lion and the Crazy Horse are both STRAIGHT bars. And I was sort of nervous approaching the girls because, well… at straight bars, I sometimes fear getting outright slapped for saying some of the things I say, especially because I include so much sexual innuendo. It’s not like I’m outright vulgar (although I used to be). But sometimes I just wanna grab some ass.

After feeling slightly woozy from the kiss, Rick wanted to go up the street to the Blue Bird cause he thought the the Crazy Horse had only women and he wanted to see some guys. Now I gotta tell you all… the Blue Bird has a great variety of men, women, older people, younger people, small people, big people, and everyone dresses differently. We were VERY happy with this choice. There, guys were flirting with me left and right (yeah, it was a straight bar) and I practically had to push them off me with a stick. Literally. One particular guy kept grabbing my ass and my crotch. At first he came up behind me as if dancing with me (we were listening to a live band named “Crash”) and then he began to heavily grope me. I pushed his arms off me and told him to stop (in a friendly way). Second time he did it, I got a little more “in-your-face” and told him to stop. Third time he did it, I turned around and said, “Stop it and I fucking mean it,” and looked straight into his eyes. I told him I was gay and wasn’t interested. He said, “I have a giant penis.” I swear, he was so drunk, he just missed the point. He kept apologizing, but he KEPT doing it. About the sixth or seventh time, Rick stepped in for me.

The rest of the night, guys were trying to grab at my ass and stuff. Geez. Is it always like that at straight clubs? How come girls don’t come up to me and grab my ass? I tried flirting with a few girls, but then their boyfriends joined them. Figured. And the girls who did seem “girl-friendly” were soooo not my type (they seemed more like cutesy little college chicks who fit into the prep crowd).

The band “Crash” is extremely talented. They have a Dave Matthews sound and flavor. The bass player kept winking at me cause I was on the front row and he kept looking at my breasts. That was ok, at least he wasn’t groping me like the guy behind me. The band member who REALLY intrigued me though, was the drummer. A black man with dreadlocks who beat those drums like nobody’s business. He would do 6 minute drum solos as fast as he could and it turned me on! By the end of the night, I blurted to him, “I bet you could fuck for hours. The way you play those drums, you just never stop!” And he laughed and said he got that all the time. Then he said, “Watch this!” And he began to wring his shirt and sweat just poured out of the fabric into a big puddle. Rick had a bit of a crush on him play those drums, so he said a few things to him and said, “Party at my house!” haha but the drummer just laughed. We had a great time listening to the band (great saxophonist) and I know I’ll be back, but maybe next time I won’t have some pervert molesting me.

People have asked what kind of girl attracts me. Well that depends. If I’m masturbating, pretty much any thin girl with tits, pussy, and ass will get me off.

But when it comes to people that attract me in LIFE, I have to feel some sort of chemistry with them through attraction AS WELL as intelligence. I like a smart woman. The intellectual factor is very important to me. I’m not attracted to dumb girls, stupid blondes, “I’ll agree with everything” brunettes, or “I’ll just follow” redheads. The kind of girl that stimulates me is… well…. if I had to choose a celebrity that sort of “fits the look” then I like the Janeane Garofolo type. Someone smart and educated and likes to have fun, but doesn’t act like a total ditz when she goes out to a club. Glasses are a turn-on but not a requirement (they add a look of intelligence). And I like someone who can hold their own in a conversation. The smarter a person is, the more in awe I am. I love geeks, book-readers, and people who can write one hell of a research paper. Hey, it’s true. Find me a woman with degrees that cover a whole wall and I’m in heaven. Don’t even get me started on female teachers. Wow. In the past, I’d be focusing on THEM more than the schoolwork and it would distract me to the point of insanity. In one particular psych class, I was so smitten with the teacher, I told myself I would not masturbate at all unless I aced every test, homework assignment, or exam. I was in a constant state of denial, but turned on none-the-less. In order to reach my potential (as female teachers turn me on WAY too much) I’ve picked male teachers. The downside to that is they end up being distracted by ME cause apparently I just cast a spell on everyone. 75% of all the male teachers I’ve had propositioned me after class for some sort of spanking, sexual domination experience, or a hypnosis session (I denied them all, of course). It’s really eerie. But at least I earned A’s.

Physically, I’m not very much into bigger girls (kinda hypocritical since I’m not at my goal weight yet, but as long as the girl’s smaller than me, I’m attracted). I prefer brunettes, but I’ve met some blondes who blow me away. Not much into reds. Since I’m average height, I like a girl whose eyes meet mine. Girls who wear casual clothes turn me on a lot because I get the “lesbian” feel from them, more than girls in high heels and a short dress (although that IS hot). Curvy is always hot, but I’ve met girls with straight and narrow bodies with no curve at all who were downright jaw-dropping. Breast size doesn’t really matter. I like them all. I like shaved or trimmed pussies cause too much hair grosses me out (it’s like trying to maneuver my mouth in a patch of weeds or something). But my favorite attribute on a girl is her butt. I like a nice grabbable butt.

Oh yeah. Only one requirement. She’s gotta be as much into me as I’m into her. No more and no less. I’m serious about that one. If I don’t feel a mutual bond, I’m out.

I was the designated driver, so that’s water I’m holding. Photos of Rick and I sitting at the bar at the Irish Lion:

(Photos taken with my camera phone)

Love
Isabella
xoxoxox