For the last 4 months, I’ve  been contemplating moving to Vegas and just recently decided against it. I love Bloomington and the more I stay here, the more I know I came here for a reason. I moved here to attend Indiana University and it’s been one setback after another that has prevented me from attending. That is about to change, thanks to several moments of clarity obtained sitting in a room surrounded by books.

About a week ago, I discovered… the Monroe County Public library: a world of infinite knowledge and wisdom within three beautiful stories of bliss. I almost had an orgasm when I realized how many free books I could read and check out! The subjects offered in the public library are far more vast than any other library I’ve ever experienced. Considering I spent a major percentage of my childhood and adulthood within bookstores and libraries, this completely overwhelmed me to see such a mind-blowing building filled with all the topics I enjoy. To most people, the act of walking in a library is nothing new. You borrow books, you return them. No big deal, right? Wrong. For me, simply the act of walking INTO the library immediately increases my IQ points by at least 20 points. I just feel smarter when I walk into a bookstore or library. I find myself fascinated by new subject matter and topics that will expand my thinking. For me, nothing is sexier than intelligence. That being said, everyone within the library is also incredibly sexy to me. I don’t know why books turn me on so much, they just do. And now that I’ve been introduced to this massive library, I feel as though someone has put a vibrator in my panties and said to me, “That’s right. You can have as much of this as you want and it won’t cost you a penny.”

Within those library walls, I recovered a piece of myself  that had previously been shrouded in confusion. To move or not to move. To attend IU or not attend. The decision, while simple in delivery, is quite complex in beginning action stages. My goal is to begin attending IU within 1-2 weeks. Step one is to get my transcript from my other college and make sure this one has it. Second step is finding out registration times. If I’ve missed the cutoff time for Winter or Spring, then no problem. I’ll start out with online courses that way I can begin asap. Thanks to several generous customers, I already have all the textbooks I need for 4 courses.

So why this sudden re-interest in college? Oh boy. How do I say this. Not only was I introduced to the main county library, which by its own standard is highly impressive, I also discovered the Taj Majal of information. Kinsey Institute has a library. Fucking unbelievable. The Kinsey Institute Library. By golly, I’m going to attend IU if it’s the last thing I do in this world. That was the sole reason for me moving here. To study Kinsey’s work. To be exposed to exclusive, confidential, and private sexual research that cannot be browsed by public eyes. I WANT IN! Just the thought of me being in a library filled with books on gender, sex, reproduction, gender-roles, GLBT, and all the other sexual topics I find intriguing, fills a destiny in me that absolutely cannot be put into words. Although I’m still undecided on whether or not I’ve lived a past life before, I often wonder if my previous life involved sex research or if I worked with Kinsey (or maybe I was Alfred Kinsey himself) many years ago. Nothing comes more natural to me. Gender research and studying human sexuality roles comes as naturally to me as hypnosis and NLP, so that’s saying a lot. It’s what I want to do with my life. Study sex. I’ve said it for years, and I know a lot of you have heard me rant about this (even in my audio blogs) for a long, long time. This week, my life will begin to change all over again.

Knowing that I’m about to take on the research of sexuality head-on, I’m also opening myself up to the possibility of also taking quantum physics courses (as you all know my ridiculous obsession with the subject of probability and plausibility within quantum physics), and maybe even taking law courses. My friends often say they could easily see me being a lawyer, especially with my NLP background. I never really pondered the idea that I would venture into law, and it’s still unknown to me, however if I became a lawyer in the sex field, especially one who fights for the rights of sissies, transgenders, lesbian and gay couples, D/s couples, and those who have unconventional sexual relationships - I know I could win (and win big!) because it’s something I’m passionate about and it complements the direction my life is moving.

There’s no such thing as having too much knowledge. At this point, I really don’t even care about getting degrees (before that was all that was important to me). Right now, I just want to delve head-first into all the courses that interest me and let my intuition guide me along the path to increased happiness and success.

I suppose on a global level, achieving a doctorate in psychology would be my ultimate goal. However, right now, it’s important to me that I make correct decisions based on happiness rather than expectation. In any other previous circumstance, I would have kicked myself for not knowing what I want. Usually I’m the kind of person who is very anxious, urgent, and lives life in accordance to perfectionism and have-all-or-nothing. Today, I’m proud that I’ve learned the art of patience and that it’s ok to take small steps to get to the big goal. My zen only lives happily when I take the time to thoroughly read life’s article, instead of skimming it just to say it’s been read.

Love
Isabella
xoxooxox