I experimented with my camera this morning with some of my doll statues.

In the second picture, you can probably guess how I’m feeling. At first I wasn’t too keen on showing it to everyone, but you know what? I use this journal to tell the story of my life and if that isn’t real, nothing is. Thankfully, a majority of everyone has “lain off” (laid off?) me during this whole breakup thing. So thank you.

On another note, a friend I know in real life who I’ve always gotten along with called me an asshole (because I was honest in saying that all my relationships must be “All about me.”) and said my journal is “sickening.” You know what? I don’t need that right now, especially from someone who doesn’t know anything about what I WENT through or how many sacrifices I gave to try make it work. It goes without saying that if people don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. I’ve gone through a lot in the last month that very few people know about because frankly, it’s no one’s business.

One thing people like about me is that I’m honest in my journal. I let people see all sides of me. The good, the bad, the ugly, the sad, the angry, the egotistical, the sassy, the sarcastic, the charitable, the kind, the campassionate, the sadistic, the REAL RAW bare part of me. That one email really offended me when she said, “What happened to the charitable person I knew?” as though somehow I don’t help people anymore. I give the shirt off my back to tons of people, I just don’t go around waving a flag about it. I still sponsor children and donate money to charity, that hasn’t changed. I just don’t see the point of looking for acknowledgement for it. Right now I am in the process of making the Human Rights Watch my full beneficiary in my will. Have you seen me writing about that in other entries? No. Just because I don’t go around bragging about my philanthropy activities doesn’t mean I’m not still charitable. I am sad and angry right now because I gave my heart and soul to someone who chose someone else over me. I am allowed to be angry and I am allowed to express myself the way I wish. If my honesty lets you see a side of me you don’t want to see, then stop reading my journal.

*sigh*

Regardless of what’s going on, I’m still trying to be productive. Yesterday I recorded “Zero Gravity” and today I’ll be editing it in post-production. The recording is MUCH longer than I expected (over an hour) and it currently has my entire focus.

Thank you all for understanding and for your support. Have a great day.

Love
Isabella
xooxox