Today I registered to attend Indiana University. Woohoo! Registration done, fee sent. Now I just have to wait 3-6 weeks for approval. I’ve already filled out a request for my college transcript, just need to mail it off. The only thing I’m waiting on is my high school transcript. I called the high school and told them I graduated ten years ago and the lady said to me, “I’m not sure if we still keep transcripts after that long. I’ll have to check on that and call you back.” What? How is this even a possibility? I would think every high school keeps transcripts from every single year. How could they NOT have it? Isn’t that sort of proof I even attended at all? So I’m awaiting that call back and have my fingers crossed that they have it and that everything will go smoothly. Indiana University normally doesn’t need high school transcripts, but in my case (because I have 21 credits, and the minimum needed on college transcripts is 26), I’ll need to send in transcripts from high school and college.

In other news, my 10-year high school reunion is coming up in June or July. I’m still contemplating whether I’ll go or not. I made some good friends there (it was a magnet high school, so it was quite unconventional), but I sure have changed a lot since graduation. One thing people may not know about me is that back in high school, I was a Christian freak. I wore Christian shirts with salvation slogans, carried a Bible to class every day, and was a member of the Fellowship of Christian Students. I was close-minded and bigoted and called gay people faggots and every other slur under the sun. I was mentioned more in my senior yearbook than any other student which I thought ironic considered I felt rather unlikeable. Students remembered me because of my background as a school journalist (Opinion Editor) and the school’s literary magazine (Editor-in-Chief), so I often cruised the campus with a pad and pen asking students and faculty specific (and often personal) questions in-relation to articles. I was the one CONSTANTLY picking people’s brains so I could write new articles for the paper. It didn’t matter if someone had never personally met me before, if they attended that school, they at least knew about me. When it came to surveys, polls, and getting anonymous student/faculty input, many people either ran to me or away from me. It was a unique time period for me. I loved my high school years, but I sure would have done things differently.

Most of my high school friends would shit a brick if they knew I came out of the closet. Me: the previously conservative finger-pointing editor who everyone knew was secretly gay…. now currently working in the adult sex and hypnosis industry as a proud and open lesbian. I can see their faces and hear their responses right now. “I knew it! I knew you were into girls.” or “Haha… we knew before you knew!” or “I can’t believe you have naked women tattooed on your back. What are you trying to prove?” or “You do WHAT for a living?” or “You’re kidding right? Who are you?”

I suppose if I go, I fear some sort of backlash and laughter for my previous behavior. I do, however, feel comfortable giving people due apologies. A few weeks ago, I sent a sincere apology via email to a teacher whom I offended with gay slurs. I even shared with her that I am currently a gay-rights activist and have spent the last 5 years of my life fighting for the rights of all couples and human beings, regardless of their orientation. It took nearly ten years to track her down. Received no response. Guess I had that much of an effect, huh?

It’s hard to believe how far I’ve come. For those who knew me then, they could never in a million years see me being a professional dominatrix doing erotic hypnosis or working in the sex industry. And they’d guess even less that I’m currently a vegan, animal-rights activist, human-rights activist, gay-rights activist, and am a member of over a dozen liberal organizations who support democracy and global acceptance. It wouldn’t even cross their minds. I suppose they all pictured me continuing journalism and maybe going off to be a part of the Christian Coalition (which I used to attend with my mother back in the day) to help “straighten out America.” Sometimes I wish I could do it all over. But I wouldn’t be HERE NOW if I didn’t go through that THEN. I had to learn my way and eventually my whole life did a 180 turn. My parents, to this day, do not support my decision to turn toward “sin.”

Sin is my life now. In a good way, of course. If I didn’t, in some aspects, love sin, I sure as hell wouldn’t be advocating that cuckolds allow their wives to commit adultery. And while I do feel balanced, secure, love, peace, and harmony… I still sometimes have an underlying fear of going to my high-school reunion and tying up all those lose ends, which were mostly my fault for untying in the first place. I lost my best friend in high school because she came out as a lesbian, and I stupidly chose to shun her. I had a crush on a bisexual girl in my class for 2 years and when she caught me staring lustfully at her, I stopped speaking to her cause I was so embarrassed. If I ran into her today, I would do everything in my power to woo her, but it sure would take many apologies and a lifetime of convincing that I’m no longer that person.

Ugh. How did I go from talking about college (which I love and am excited about) to talking about a high school reunion (which I dread about as much as cutting my own leg off)?

Love
Isabella
xooxoxox