Gender Shock

Gender Shock by Phyllis Burke

ISBN: 0-385-47718-X

Published by: Anchor Books

Pages 53-55

There are many theories on parent culpability for their child’s gender nonconformance, from delayed naming of a newborn to prenatal gender preferences of parents, neither of which holds up to scrutiny. One of the most influential theories came from Robert Stoller, Richard Green’s mentor at UCLA. Stoller believed that the mother and son experienced a “blissful symbiosis” because the boy represents for the mother “her treasured [feminized] phallus” which results in the boy feeling himself to be somehow female despite knowing that he is male.” Stoller also accused the mother of what he called “bisexuality.” As he used the term, bisexuality referred to the mother having a combination of masculine and feminine traits in her childhood, which often included “periods of cross-dressing” and “competing with boys” in athletics or at school.” These mothers have been accused of being covert tomboys who adopted, at puberty, “feminine facades.” The mother’s mother can be blamed for her grandson’s behavior, even if she is not present. Grandmother is described as “‘empty’ and unable to be a model for identification,” leaving the mother’s father to fill the void, which leads to the mother to a state of “intense penis envy and rage,” not to mention “penis awe.” To treat these mothers, Lawrence Newman suggested that a masculine therapist be enlisted, one who is “perhaps feared by the mother.” Newman reports that, when the boys are successfully treated with behavioral techniques like those of Rekers and Lovaas, “…the boys become more verbally and physically aggressive toward their mothers in almost all reported cases.”

In 1991, Janet Mitchell conducted a comparison between the mothers of feminine boys, the mothers of boys with other clinical disorders, and the mothers of normal boys. She found that there were no remarkable differences in childhood cross-gender identity among these three groups. Yet the theories described above were powerful ones at the time of the feminine boy project, and they have lingered on the popular imagination. Many mothers believe that their own secret pathologies, which they themselves might not recognize, have contributed to their child’s behavior and his bleak prognosis.

In 1991, despite Mitchell’s research which they themselves cite, Richard Green and Dr. Kenneth Zucker, head of the largest childhood gender identity clinic in Canada, speculated that “other aspects of psychosexuality need to be studied, such as the mother’s current attitude toward men and her concurrent views regarding masculinity and femininity.” Mothers are also seen as misguided in their attempts to institute nonsexist environments for their sons as well as their daughters. Follow-up observations of feminine boys have described their mothers as not properly bonded to their sons, who as a result display separation anxiety disorder, which is somehow connected to “boyhood femininity.” Only one thing is clear: feminine boys have a range of mothers. Some mothers are psychologically stronger than others, but they share no common deviances that can account for their sons’ behaviors.

Fathers, although not focused on with as much intensity until later years, were also held responsible, but the blame did not stop with them being unavailable for their sons due to work commitments. They were accused of not performing their “wedge” functions, according to Robert Stoller, a UCLA psychologist who, in the mid-1960s began to study gender issues in childhood. In this scenario, the father is support to insert himself by driving a wedge, as it were, between his wife and his son. It is assumed that the boy will then develop normally, and not become overwhelmed by a fear of castration after viewing his mother naked, seeing she has no penis and identifying his body with hers. The father of the feminine boy is further accused of not presenting himself “as a rival for mother’s affection,” which is considered normal development.

Along with the mother, fathers are guilty of tolerating nonconforming gender behavior, and thereby encouraging it. Most revealing, they are described as having less recall of masculine behavior during childhood. Although they engaged in boyish activities, they also enjoyed solitary pursuits, such as reading, or artistic activities. The subtext is that these fathers are inadequate in their masculinity, and have passed that defect along to their sons. Finally, fathers were accused both of not spending enough time with their feminine boys, and of doting on them.

If you enjoyed reading this, you may also enjoy the erotic hypnosis recording available as an mp3 download titled “Gender Transformation.”

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