Someone asked me a few months ago if I ever get lonely being me. Many people assume that because I have thousands of online admirers, that my social life must be out of this world. And those who read my journal probably assumed the opposite, that perhaps I often reject new friendships because usually they want something from me. For instance, most readers who want to be my “friend” are often people hoping to receive freebies from me, in regards to hypnosis or the services I provide. So the assumption was either I have lots of friends or practically any friends.

So, if you’d like to know a little behind-the-scenes, let me give you the scoop on my social life.

When I lived in San Diego, I spent a great deal of my time socializing with friends and strangers, and often new people would somehow find their way over to my house and I’d party with them. Most of the time it was because I sensed a lack of belonging in myself and frankly, felt like people would “accept” me more if I threw lots of parties. It seemed to work short term. I had hundreds of people who I considered friends or acquaintances. By most standards, that is unreal and very difficult to maintain as real friendships. Life seemed good on the outside, but on the inside I felt like I was desperate for alone time with myself. Then I moved to Indiana. For the first year, I practically locked myself inside the house to prevent me from partying with strangers, mostly to keep me from relapsing on bad drugs like I did in the past. Apparently, I quickly realized, socialization tended to increase my craving to overindulge in binge drinking and drugging. Being alone - no problem. No cravings. So moving to Indiana allowed me a much-needed “sober place” in mind and body to become comfortable in my own skin.

An entire year went by and I loved being alone and not going out or making new friends. (Not referring to the wonderful people who flew or drove in from out of state to visit me which were a breath of fresh air!) I looooved being alone! I actually preferred the alone time with myself and not going out. Then in late September, my first signs of loneliness began. Sometimes I’d leave the house at four in the morning just so I could go to a restaurant or supermarket that might still be open - just HOPING I could have a real life conversation with another human being, instead of online communication. I craved human contact. Just a hug. Anything. I’d go to strip clubs just so I could hold a woman in my arms, even if the connection was a superficial high. I needed it. And for about a month, it got worse. My craving to have contact with people increased, and all efforts seemed to go nowhere. The interaction that was in abundance in San Diego, was absolutely gone here in Bloomington. I needed local friends. My efforts increased - whether going to more coffee shops, bars, clubs, bookstores, etc. I was there. Still nothing.

Then I went to Kona, Hawaii for a Master NLP training, which I assumed would only be a training seminar. I had no idea how much the island (and the people on it) would change my life. I remember staring at the ocean the night I got there and having an inner dialogue with myself. If I could have anything, what would it be? My first response was “a healthy relationship” and a “network of friends.” The words seemed to come out all by themselves. The next night was my birthday and a part of me was a little sad at the idea of spending my birthday on a beautiful island all by myself. I had spent the whole day wandering outside the hotel around the beach and hammocks and walked down beautiful garden paths. The day was great. The night was nice. I still needed human contact and it hurt. As I walked into the lobby on my way to the hotel restaurant, I ran into 3 friends who I had met previously at another NLP seminar in California back in July. We recognized each other and had a beautiful dinner with live Hawaiian music playing, drinking margaritas and a drink appropriately called “hula girl.” All this time (aside from brief interlude in July revisiting friends and family), I finally got to spend quality time - 3 weeks to be exact, with other human beings who all had the same goal as me. Those three weeks changed my life. While in Hawaii, I made 11 lifetime friends. Not acquaintances. Lifetime friends. Friends to the end kind of people. Friends who will stick with you and help you get to your goal through thick and thin. It was all part of that spiritual awakening experience. With the help of lots of interaction and positive NLP, I finally got rid of my negative blocks to accepting friendship in my life which truly opened my eyes. I finally decided that when I’d return home, I’d instantly make friends instead of blocking communication from potential relationships.

My new personal philosophy worked. Within a week of arriving home, my sister Goddess friend fell into my lap. Literally fell from the sky. I met Kasha Shakti. And now I’ve been introduced to all her friends and all of us get along so wonderfully. I’m even throwing my first real “get-together” tomorrow night, which I am stoked about. It’s been OVER a year (we’re talking San Diego times) since I’ve thrown a party. For the first time in my whole life, I feel more balanced and aligned with myself to even throw such a party. This is the first time I actually care equally about others as I do about myself, instead of this imbalanced portrayal of whose needs come first. And even more amazing that Kasha wants me to join the Freedom Community and wants to host an event at my house. I swear, it blows my mind. This is exactly what I needed and it has instantly manifested. More friends. More loving connections. More positivity. I love that there are people who love NLP as much as I do and actually live out here. It absolutely shocks me. I’m in heaven. Life couldn’t be more perfect. Life is good. Pinch me. Friends. Real friends. In Indiana! And I love that they accept me for “me” rather than the e-lebrity that people often make me out to be. I’m just one of the guys. And Superbowl party at my house next sunday, kick ass!

I suppose the motto of this rambled-on journal entry would be. Ask and you shall receive. If you want something, sometimes the best way to achieve it is to stop complaining. Step two, put yourself at blame and accept cause instead of blaming the world for your problems. Step three, let the negativity go and accept the positivity of whatever the world has to offer you. Blessings do come when you let them. Most of the time we’re just too damn stubborn to see the positive if it hit us in the face.

Love
Isabella
xoxoxoxo