I’m not sure how to begin this journal entry because so much has happened this week, but you all know me for being honest, so here goes. And for God’s sake if my honesty is too intense for anyone, then take it up by praying for me.

For the last eight days, I’ve been hospitalized. Whether or not I was admitted voluntarily is up to debate, however slave m called 911 because I was behaving irrationally and unlike myself. I’m still not entirely sure what peaked my manic episode because nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I’m still not entirely sure what caused it.

What happened: I began hallucinating and seeing things. I heard voices not really there, saw objects that I magically produced from my own head. I stayed awake for over 3 nights without sleep and was convinced that I had become “God/source” and therefore didn’t need sleep. At one point I ran outside the house naked to convince friends of mine to come back inside. My mania got the most dangerous when I was convinced I could magically pave a road (that was under construction) and tried to convince someone to drive over it with me. Doctors and nurses described me as “goofy and euphoric” and it was clear that I couldn’t tell the difference between illusion and reality.

What caused it: It seems we all disagree on this. My psychiatrist in California thinks I had an allergic reaction to the pneumonia antibiotics and thinks my experience on the mountaintop in New Mexico must have triggered this. My mom thinks my high fever was directly responsible for frying my brain. The doctor assigned to me here in Indiana thinks I was on psychedelic drugs (if I was, I’d have no problem ‘fessing up - but I wasn’t). Slave m thinks it was due to my lack of sleep. And I, personally, think it’s because I reached an unheard of level of enlightenment mostly only reached by monks in Tibet. My faith, confidence, charisma, and insight shot off the charts for me. This started the night I began writing my “Masterpiece” hypnosis recording where I wanted to write the “most perfect recording” designed for myself, not for customers. In it, I was looking into a mirror and into a million universal mirrors. Needless to say, I didn’t get done with the recording because I kept ripping pages out and rewording it. The more I thought about what I wanted to write, the “crazier” I began to appear to people. In turn, the doctor diagnosed me as “bipolar manic” which I disagree with simply because I feel (unless I am mistaken) I have no previous history of such symptoms. Sure I’m a bit psycho - who isn’t? But I absolutely refuse to take meds for the rest of my life. My mom swears it was the fever and she thinks she knows me best. Regardless of what caused it, I definitely DID go crazy and had one bad manic episode where I created a Magic Kingdom for myself where I was God. Love became Me. My words were source flowing fluidly out of Me.

The experience: After the ambulance drove me to the hospital, the nurses helped me with everything - you name it - even urinating and getting dressed. Normally it would be embarrassing, but it was anything but. It was orgasmic and euphoric. One particular thought at the time, “Hey I’ve got people to help me with this sort of thing so what’s the point of doing it myself?” Being wheeled around on a stretcher felt like a roller coaster ride and many times I was hearing people’s voices within the fourth dimension. It was a borderline schizophrenic moment. Fantasy and reality began to mix into one another. The ceiling grew vines in front of my eyes in which I tried to grab. The nurse drew blood from my arm in which case I responded, “Take all the love you want out of my arm. I have more than enough for the whole world.” I’m telling you… I thought I was God. I still do, actually. I think we’re all God. But that’s a different journal entry. I was taken to the Crisis section and was videotaped and monitored for several days and took therapy and antipsychotic drugs to help me get back down to reality.

I’m still on meds now - and finally back home. It’s natural for me to wonder if I should continue writing the script to that Masterpiece recording that catapulted my craziness. Creating the perfect hypnosis recording (which would be given away freely without charge), would certainly connect thousands of people to Source… it also could quite possibly bring others to a psychotic place, in which case, there will be lots of disclaimers and fair warning for those who miss this entry.

According to conservative society, I went a little crazy. One part of me is thankful it’s over. The other part of me wants it to come back. Please understand that listening to any future recordings of mine may result in a skewed, yet more beautiful perspective of the world. Listen at your own risk. The world I see now is quite different than the world I saw a week ago.

Love
Isabella
xoxooxx