So much going on — so much I want to say… will write later… here’s some photos for now, heading back to class 
Love
Isabella
xoxoxoox
Tag Archive for 'hypnoteuse'
Today was our one day off from class and coincidentally this is my 3rd journal entry today (I swear, it’s like I just want to share what’s been going on)… tomorrow I have to go back to class for another week so the entries will be spread out again, but in the meantime, here are some photos so far from my time here.
Love
Isabella
xoxoxox
Yesterday we did a board break in class, but to me the challenge wasn’t breaking the board itself, but deciding what to write on the board.
We were instructed to spend 7 days thinking of things to write on the front of the board to represent our “Outcome in Life” and what we know we can accomplish. On the back of the board we were supposed to write our “Obstacles in Life” that we want to move past. It was extremely difficult for me to think of my obstacles because I have such control issues that I really didn’t want to write/verbalize/admit I even HAD faults. The act of writing down the faults was therapeutic in itself.
When I broke the board, I thought to myself, “I am going to make a change in my life.” And I am. There may be times I stumble but I am going to give it all I’ve got. I am going to try my hardest to stop acting so damn tough all the time and admit that I have moments of weakness and vulnerability. That is so hard for me. It’s probably my hardest challenge of all.
This was the first time I had picked up a pencil to draw anything in over a year — and it felt sooooo good to feel inspired to draw again.
Here is the front of the board. (Click to Enlarge)
Here is the back of the board. (Click to Enlarge)
and here it is broken in half…
It was quite empowering. I would recommend anyone to do the same thing if you feel you need a boost in your life. It makes your goals and outcomes that much more clearer and lets you know that if you can break the board, you can break any obstacle that comes your way.
Love
Isabella
xoxooxox
P.S. This morning I got a letter from Maxim Magazine (Belgium) and they asked permission to publish a photo I took of model Scar. I haven’t given them an answer yet (and can’t send them the hi-res photo cause I’m not at home), but I was quite flattered by their inquisition. How neat!
Someone asked me a few days ago, “What makes a flower beautiful?” and my first response was, “The color.”
Then I was asked, “What makes a color beautiful?” and I had to really think. It’s been four days now since that question was asked and tonight I finally have the answer. Light.
Without light, we cannot see color and we are left in darkness, right? So what happens if we close our eyes and cannot see? Well, we have drops of lights that shine under our eyelids that move around and so light continues to exist. But what about inside black holes or in places where light becomes trapped? Is it still beautiful?
So if light = beauty… then what is darkness? Is darkness supposed to be the opposite of beauty? I thought about that really long and hard, because black is one of my favorite colors and darkness to can be extremely beautiful however, that’s not true blackness is it? After all, if we see something black, then our eyes are open, thus bringing in LIGHT… right? So — in essence, as long as we open our eyes, everything is beautiful.
Tonight I walked outside (today was our day off from class, so we had time to ourselves) and really made an effort to appreciate nature’s beauty. The sidewalk seemed beautiful as I noticed the cracks and the way the grass hits the edge of the concrete. The palm tree leaves that drip little droplets of water from the rain from earlier. The little lawn lights that line the sidewalk that allow us to see - as well as are beautiful. And I noticed the grass underneath the light that seemed to beautiful because it was LIT… and the further I walked away from the light, the less beautiful it became. So perhaps light IS beauty… or to me, it was.
I meditated out by the ocean late at night and appreciated the light of the insects that seemed to twinkle as they flew around, the sea turtles lit up often as well, glowing fish seemed to come alive, the lights from cruises and sailboats seemed to call out to me, the lights from nearby hotels and homes I could see from my perifial vision… I never really noticed the light before.
Light is everywhere. Well, except where light becomes trapped. So if a person becomes trapped, does THAT equal the opposite of beauty? If someone is in a cage and being dominated in darkness, can it still be beautiful? Yes… because there can still be sound.
So what if sound is taken away… can there still be beauty? At first my answer was no, but then I remembered Helen Keller saying that there is beauty in things you touch. And I remember times in the past where I would close my eyes and without hearing any sounds at all, have run my hands over a girl’s naked body or felt the moistness of her soft pussy and to me it was one of the most beautiful, intimate moments of my life. So obviously, TOUCH by itself can equal beauty.
Assuming that light is beautiful (any time we open our eyes), and sound is beautiful (ocean, whispers, words), and touch is beautiful (softness, hardness, texture, wetness) — then in essence, isn’t everything in the world beautiful?
So if EVERYTHING is beauty, then WHAT is it? Can beauty be defined? Is there such a thing or is beauty the word we describe about something when we finally reach that state of connection?
These photos are experimental shots taken at night.
Love
Isabella
xoxoxox
I’m not sure where to start but I feel compelled to write this morning. The last couple days I haven’t really known what to say because I feel like some of my boundaries have expanded but I’m still not quite sure what I believe. I’ve grown rather close with some students in my class - and each of us are so incredibly different. Each one of us has amazing strengths in some areas and weaknesses in others and for some reason I am finally able to see the big picture so I can see myself objectively. For years I’ve rejected the idea of spirituality, souls, energy, etc because I am very much into science and believing the “proven” and things that have some sort of explanation.
I know it seems like I’m talking vaguely but bear with me cause I’m trying to use this journal to sort my thoughts at the same time. The thing is - I’ve always been a sexual person - an intensely sexual person — everything is sexual to me. The trees, the sky, people, things, it’s everywhere for me - sex is everywhere and a part of everything to me. But someone said to me, “Is sex your religion?” and I had to think about it for a little bit. Actually I thought about it a lot… a couple days now and I’ve finally come to the realization that sex has been my religion for years. And then I was asked, “Where does your idea of sexuality end and where does spirituality begin?” At first, that was extremely hard for me to grasp, especially since I didn’t believe in spirituality. It seemed hokey and stupid to me. When I think of spirituality, I think of all the ridiculous religions out there and some white bearded man in the clouds who hates people. Once I broke down that barrier, many things have seemed to come clear to me.
I can’t explain this right now cause I’m still in a state of trying to understand what my beliefs are. I do know that I’m a miserable person. I really am. I mean, yeah I have happy days where I am on top of the world… I have all the money I could ever need, all the material possessions a human being could ever want, have friends, success, a great career, and I know what my passions are… but even with all that… I have always felt like something was missing. Like a void. It’s not something I’ve really shared with people because I’m still working on my own issues of control. Oh yeah. I have serious control issues. I hate even admitting that sometimes. Sometimes I feel if I say things that are my faults, that somehow that makes me weaker as a person. I hate being seen as weak, small, humble, or vulnerable because I equate it with submissiveness, weakness, and just being less strong as a person. I LIKE being strong and tough… but the problem with that is that I usually wear this fucking mask that is designed to both protect me as well as others. It protects ME because I don’t have to worry about rejection. And it protects OTHERS because they won’t be subject to my harsh negativity.
I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. But I know what I’m feeling when I write this and that’s a start.
I felt something that I can’t explain. I don’t want to call it God because that’s just weird for me and I’m not ready to accept that. But I felt SOMETHING and it felt like electricity. And for the last two days I’ve become more and more in tune to it. It’s a “connection to source” where I just felt plugged into the world for once. For some people, that makes them laugh or roll their eyes, that’s ok, I still do it sometimes. And for other people, they sometimes get goosebumps as they think about the possibility of an anti-spiritual person accepting some sort of belief, even if it starts at baby steps.
Is there a such thing as accepting spirituality in baby steps? It seems to be happening to me.
Two nights ago, I remember lying in bed listening to the ocean and I said the word “God” out loud like 200 times just so I could say the word without twitching. It was very difficult to do, but I “pretended” that the existence of God (not the religious God, mind you - just the electric overall presence of it) and I figured I had nothing to lose to PRETEND. After all, anyone can pretend, right? I even tried replacing the word God with Jehovah or Allah but still felt pretty fucked up about it… so here’s what I did… please don’t laugh. haha. I closed my eyes and asked my unconscious mind, If I’m uncomfortable with the word God, what would would I choose instead? And I just listened for a second and the first word that I thought of was “loa” which I had no idea what it meant. No clue. It was a word I made up and had never even heard it before. And when I said the word aloud and listened to the ocean, I felt my whole body go into catalepsy and felt paralyzed from head to toe. It was calm, but I didn’t know how to tell the difference between feeling being “still” to being “in tune” to spirituality. After all, how can someone KNOW if they don’t know what they’re looking for? The next day, out of curiousity, I typed in “loa” on wikipedia and was utterly shocked. It even means “love” in another language and is apparently an intermediary between people and gods. I mean how fucked up is that - that I came up with that word - a word I had never heard before — and it meant THAT. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Now… EVERYTHING reminds me of loa - “lords of acid” a sexual band, “law of attraction” - faith, and here in Hawaii apparently loa is part of the name of either one of the mountains or volcanos or something.
The next thing I am about to say was a surreal experience for me, but it may just seem stupid to some people. I listened. I really LISTENED to the sound of the ocean, which I could hear with the balcony door open in the room. And I said out loud (I don’t know why I said it, I just wanted to be proven wrong, I guess), “Loa or whatever this is, I want to hear… I want to feel… Let me see…” And as I said that, INSTANTLY the sprinklers outside came on and at first I saw it as a distraction and got annoyed but then I thought to myself, Didn’t I ask to hear? Maybe I should just shut up and stop arguing with myself and just listen for once. and the minute I stopped arguing and analyzing the coincidence of the sprinkler coming on, I felt — I really FELT my whole body being cleansed by the water from inside my body. I can’t explain it. It immediately put me into a sleep and I woke up 8 hours later.
When I woke up the next morning, I thought what I had experienced was silly, perhaps stupid so I kind of kept the experience to myself. But THROUGHOUT the DAY, I had at least 6 experiences similar to that. I could feel it just looking into people’s eyes or feeling a table or looking at a plant, a tree, or the ocean. And it was as though SOMETHING was trying to connect to ME. It felt like electricity, an energy, something. I feel kind of ridiculous just writing this out, but I guess that’s just something I have to deal with… but I felt it… and saw it… and heard it.
Today I’m beginning to think it’s all around me.
The last couple nights I’ve been hypnotizing other students to help their sex lives privately in my hotel room. Many of them are familiar with my Isabella Valentine persona, so they wanted to see how I could incorporate sex into hypnosis - as it was very new to them. I felt the presence of loa, god, energy, connection to source, whatever the hell you want to call it - each time I hypnotized a person. The transitions in their bodies and attitudes changed tremendously in such a short time. For the first time in my life, I physically saw transformations before my very own eyes based on words that I said and I feel utterly and completely inspired to do hypnosis and stuff to help people’s lives on a bigger scale. Not just domination - something bigger and deeper than that. This feeling - I can’t explain it, but it’s a feeling that once people experience it, there is no better thing in the world. No words. It transcends sex. It’s bigger and better than sex. When someone touches me now, my whole skin comes alive. When someone looks into my eyes, I see something more than just a pupil and an iris.
I never thought the day would come where I would write something like this. But I have. And that’s a giant step for me.
Love
Isabella
xoxoxox
P.S. There are earthquakes and tremors on this island every day. The other day I felt tremors and as the ground shook, my whole body went into this complete state of peace and bliss. Is it stupid that I feel I connect with the land out here? Shit. This is crazy but I’m going to stop fighting it because this feels wonderful.
I’m not sure where to start but I feel compelled to write this morning. The last couple days I haven’t really known what to say because I feel like some of my boundaries have expanded but I’m still not quite sure what I believe. I’ve grown rather close with some students in my class - and each of us are so incredibly different. Each one of us has amazing strengths in some areas and weaknesses in others and for some reason I am finally able to see the big picture so I can see myself objectively. For years I’ve rejected the idea of spirituality, souls, energy, etc because I am very much into science and believing the “proven” and things that have some sort of explanation.
I know it seems like I’m talking vaguely but bear with me cause I’m trying to use this journal to sort my thoughts at the same time. The thing is - I’ve always been a sexual person - an intensely sexual person — everything is sexual to me. The trees, the sky, people, things, it’s everywhere for me - sex is everywhere and a part of everything to me. But someone said to me, “Is sex your religion?” and I had to think about it for a little bit. Actually I thought about it a lot… a couple days now and I’ve finally come to the realization that sex has been my religion for years. And then I was asked, “Where does your idea of sexuality end and where does spirituality begin?” At first, that was extremely hard for me to grasp, especially since I didn’t believe in spirituality. It seemed hokey and stupid to me. When I think of spirituality, I think of all the ridiculous religions out there and some white bearded man in the clouds who hates people. Once I broke down that barrier, many things have seemed to come clear to me.
I can’t explain this right now cause I’m still in a state of trying to understand what my beliefs are. I do know that I’m a miserable person. I really am. I mean, yeah I have happy days where I am on top of the world… I have all the money I could ever need, all the material possessions a human being could ever want, have friends, success, a great career, and I know what my passions are… but even with all that… I have always felt like something was missing. Like a void. It’s not something I’ve really shared with people because I’m still working on my own issues of control. Oh yeah. I have serious control issues. I hate even admitting that sometimes. Sometimes I feel if I say things that are my faults, that somehow that makes me weaker as a person. I hate being seen as weak, small, humble, or vulnerable because I equate it with submissiveness, weakness, and just being less strong as a person. I LIKE being strong and tough… but the problem with that is that I usually wear this fucking mask that is designed to both protect me as well as others. It protects ME because I don’t have to worry about rejection. And it protects OTHERS because they won’t be subject to my harsh negativity.
I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. But I know what I’m feeling when I write this and that’s a start.
I felt something that I can’t explain. I don’t want to call it God because that’s just weird for me and I’m not ready to accept that. But I felt SOMETHING and it felt like electricity. And for the last two days I’ve become more and more in tune to it. It’s a “connection to source” where I just felt plugged into the world for once. For some people, that makes them laugh or roll their eyes, that’s ok, I still do it sometimes. And for other people, they sometimes get goosebumps as they think about the possibility of an anti-spiritual person accepting some sort of belief, even if it starts at baby steps.
Is there a such thing as accepting spirituality in baby steps? It seems to be happening to me.
Two nights ago, I remember lying in bed listening to the ocean and I said the word “God” out loud like 200 times just so I could say the word without twitching. It was very difficult to do, but I “pretended” that the existence of God (not the religious God, mind you - just the electric overall presence of it) and I figured I had nothing to lose to PRETEND. After all, anyone can pretend, right? I even tried replacing the word God with Jehovah or Allah but still felt pretty fucked up about it… so here’s what I did… please don’t laugh. haha. I closed my eyes and asked my unconscious mind, If I’m uncomfortable with the word God, what would would I choose instead? And I just listened for a second and the first word that I thought of was “loa” which I had no idea what it meant. No clue. It was a word I made up and had never even heard it before. And when I said the word aloud and listened to the ocean, I felt my whole body go into catalepsy and felt paralyzed from head to toe. It was calm, but I didn’t know how to tell the difference between feeling being “still” to being “in tune” to spirituality. After all, how can someone KNOW if they don’t know what they’re looking for? The next day, out of curiousity, I typed in “loa” on wikipedia and was utterly shocked. It even means “love” in another language and is apparently an intermediary between people and gods. I mean how fucked up is that - that I came up with that word - a word I had never heard before — and it meant THAT. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Now… EVERYTHING reminds me of loa - “lords of acid” a sexual band, “law of attraction” - faith, and here in Hawaii apparently loa is part of the name of either one of the mountains or volcanos or something.
The next thing I am about to say was a surreal experience for me, but it may just seem stupid to some people. I listened. I really LISTENED to the sound of the ocean, which I could hear with the balcony door open in the room. And I said out loud (I don’t know why I said it, I just wanted to be proven wrong, I guess), “Loa or whatever this is, I want to hear… I want to feel… Let me see…” And as I said that, INSTANTLY the sprinklers outside came on and at first I saw it as a distraction and got annoyed but then I thought to myself, Didn’t I ask to hear? Maybe I should just shut up and stop arguing with myself and just listen for once. and the minute I stopped arguing and analyzing the coincidence of the sprinkler coming on, I felt — I really FELT my whole body being cleansed by the water from inside my body. I can’t explain it. It immediately put me into a sleep and I woke up 8 hours later.
When I woke up the next morning, I thought what I had experienced was silly, perhaps stupid so I kind of kept the experience to myself. But THROUGHOUT the DAY, I had at least 6 experiences similar to that. I could feel it just looking into people’s eyes or feeling a table or looking at a plant, a tree, or the ocean. And it was as though SOMETHING was trying to connect to ME. It felt like electricity, an energy, something. I feel kind of ridiculous just writing this out, but I guess that’s just something I have to deal with… but I felt it… and saw it… and heard it.
Today I’m beginning to think it’s all around me.
The last couple nights I’ve been hypnotizing other students to help their sex lives privately in my hotel room. Many of them are familiar with my Isabella Valentine persona, so they wanted to see how I could incorporate sex into hypnosis - as it was very new to them. I felt the presence of loa, god, energy, connection to source, whatever the hell you want to call it - each time I hypnotized a person. The transitions in their bodies and attitudes changed tremendously in such a short time. For the first time in my life, I physically saw transformations before my very own eyes based on words that I said and I feel utterly and completely inspired to do hypnosis and stuff to help people’s lives on a bigger scale. Not just domination - something bigger and deeper than that. This feeling - I can’t explain it, but it’s a feeling that once people experience it, there is no better thing in the world. No words. It transcends sex. It’s bigger and better than sex. When someone touches me now, my whole skin comes alive. When someone looks into my eyes, I see something more than just a pupil and an iris.
I never thought the day would come where I would write something like this. But I have. And that’s a giant step for me.
Love
Isabella
xoxoxox
P.S. There are earthquakes and tremors on this island every day. The other day I felt tremors and as the ground shook, my whole body went into this complete state of peace and bliss. Is it stupid that I feel I connect with the land out here? Shit. This is crazy but I’m going to stop fighting it because this feels wonderful.
Today was day 3 of Master Prac NLP training and my brain already feels like it’s ready to explode. So much information and we’re just at the tip of the iceberg. One of the topics we discussed today involved filling out the Myers-Briggs test as well as a Spiral dynamics test involving values. In the Myers Briggs test, I scored “ENTP” with extremely high (off-the charts) for intuition and perceiving. Apparently I always like to see the big picture and rarely care about details and enjoy lots of spontaneity, flexibility, and lots of big ideas. Hmm nothing too surprising there.
But then… we had to fill out a values test and go over it. I thought, Woopee, this should be fun. Afterwards, I got my value scores and it turns out that I am WAY off-the-charts as a level 3 “code red” (score 61) which basically labels a person as being aggressive, dominant, controlling, one-man-show, etc. which can be a blessing as well as a curse. I was taught many ways in which it is good, as well as many instances where it would be bad. I think the bad outweighed the good. The funny thing is, the whole point of taking the test was so we could better understand not only ourselves, but how to reach out to our potential clientelle. I thought to myself, well it’s a good thing my clients are mostly submissive otherwise I’d be out of work.… I also scored very high in level 5 “code orange” (score 47) which emphasizes business, entreprenuership (sp?), and being able to break something just to fix it and make it better. Yeah, I can see that. But the bad thing is that in areas where I rejected things, I rejected level two completely - off the charts rejection which means I have zero tolerance for tribal, clans, spiritual/magical attributes where people look up to one leader… of any level (I scored a zero in acceptance and 66 on rejection of the concepts). And I scored a 24 in level “yellow” which was the category I personally think would benefit me more.
It was just so strange for me to be part of a class where all of us were so incredibly different and many of us were on so many various parts of the spectrum. This is possibly the 5th test I’ve taken so far (that describe more about who we are) and I am *always* one of the people on the opposite spectrum of the scorecard compared to most of the class. Obviously, this isn’t very rare because in every class - someone is going to take an opposite position to any particular level because we can’t all be the most extreme. So I just remember sitting there - knowing that just one or two seats from me, someone else sitting beside me had the opposite (polar opposite, mind you) score as me… and yet, we’re friends.
I found it questionable that people who have absolutely zero tolerance for certain behaviors/beliefs can still remain friendly with one another. Don’t get me wrong - it doesn’t mean we all agree. I started to get into a brief argument with one nice lady over dinner - but once I saw it was starting to hurt her feelings (we were talking about pedophilia and how much info to disclose to the law when in a therapeutic setting) that I changed the subject to something else. It was obvious we had different viewpoints and we were eating dinner, so sometimes a better topic makes everyone happy. Since I’ve been here, I’ve eaten lunch and dinner every day and night with a group of people (even on my birthday before training started) and each time we have a discussion, we all have these very very very very different points of view. Most of the time I am cringing on the inside, thinking to myself, these people are crazy but on the outside I am smiling and shaking my head. Every now and then I’d offer my viewpoint, often times their expressions would turn into - eyes widening, color change in faces, open mouths, etc. I don’t personally find my opinions to be THAT shocking, but apparently to the rest of the world, they can be. Thankfully this group of people seems to be very comfortable with who I am and what I do for a living and I can be MYSELF which I love. Half of the class already knows me cause we’ve trained before and the other half has already gotten to know me - so just in a few days, they’ve seen me wearing my lesbian shirts, corsets, chains, wigs, heard my foul mouth, dominatrix stories, etc. and everyone appears to be comfortable with my eccentric lifestyle and often inquire for more. So far, there doesn’t appear to be any judgemnt — perhaps disagreement. But no judgement.
I can agree that my position on many subjects will differ from many people, perhaps even piss them off - which is why, frankly, I work alone - am successful alone - and AM alone. I may not understand the position other people take most of the time, but I can agree that once I learn how to understand the art of communicating to those people (who disagree with me) more, then I’d probably have better luck getting my way. It’s funny because on my test, I scored basically everything that points to the fact I belief life is all about me, me, me. I hate teamwork and find I can get more accomplished with more successful results when I do it alone. I get more satisfaction with internal praise than hearing it from other people. It’s true. I feel much more capable of accomplishing a task when I do it alone than with other people. Other people tie me down and I hate that. Rules and regulations annoy me - I hate the law. I’m not too big on the planet or caring about global stuff as I am about me. Sometimes I help out other small charitable organizations or do kind things for the environment, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, it’s all about me and I put myself before others.
One of the questions asked in a seperate verbal test was, “Someone says, ‘I’m thirsty.’ What is your first reaction. Do you take it literally and get them something to drink? Or do you ignore them and find it amusing?”
My response was, “I’d tell them to go get me a glass of water instead and they can stay thirsty.”
I said that aloud on instinct and after I said it, realized that perhaps that could be the reason I do so well as a Domme, and perhaps that’s ALSO why I do so poorly in friendly relationships with people. It’s a blessing and a curse.
For some people, that just makes me seem like a royal bitch, perhaps narcissistic (sp?), selfish, uncaring, and a loner. The thing is - I don’t hate people. I just like me better. Does that make sense?
Today was insightful. I have a lot of work to do on myself apparently.
Love
Isabella
xoxoxox
Today was day 3 of Master Prac NLP training and my brain already feels like it’s ready to explode. So much information and we’re just at the tip of the iceberg. One of the topics we discussed today involved filling out the Myers-Briggs test as well as a Spiral dynamics test involving values. In the Myers Briggs test, I scored “ENTP” with extremely high (off-the charts) for intuition and perceiving. Apparently I always like to see the big picture and rarely care about details and enjoy lots of spontaneity, flexibility, and lots of big ideas. Hmm nothing too surprising there.
But then… we had to fill out a values test and go over it. I thought, Woopee, this should be fun. Afterwards, I got my value scores and it turns out that I am WAY off-the-charts as a level 3 “code red” (score 61) which basically labels a person as being aggressive, dominant, controlling, one-man-show, etc. which can be a blessing as well as a curse. I was taught many ways in which it is good, as well as many instances where it would be bad. I think the bad outweighed the good. The funny thing is, the whole point of taking the test was so we could better understand not only ourselves, but how to reach out to our potential clientelle. I thought to myself, well it’s a good thing my clients are mostly submissive otherwise I’d be out of work.… I also scored very high in level 5 “code orange” (score 47) which emphasizes business, entreprenuership (sp?), and being able to break something just to fix it and make it better. Yeah, I can see that. But the bad thing is that in areas where I rejected things, I rejected level two completely - off the charts rejection which means I have zero tolerance for tribal, clans, spiritual/magical attributes where people look up to one leader… of any level (I scored a zero in acceptance and 66 on rejection of the concepts). And I scored a 24 in level “yellow” which was the category I personally think would benefit me more.
It was just so strange for me to be part of a class where all of us were so incredibly different and many of us were on so many various parts of the spectrum. This is possibly the 5th test I’ve taken so far (that describe more about who we are) and I am *always* one of the people on the opposite spectrum of the scorecard compared to most of the class. Obviously, this isn’t very rare because in every class - someone is going to take an opposite position to any particular level because we can’t all be the most extreme. So I just remember sitting there - knowing that just one or two seats from me, someone else sitting beside me had the opposite (polar opposite, mind you) score as me… and yet, we’re friends.
I found it questionable that people who have absolutely zero tolerance for certain behaviors/beliefs can still remain friendly with one another. Don’t get me wrong - it doesn’t mean we all agree. I started to get into a brief argument with one nice lady over dinner - but once I saw it was starting to hurt her feelings (we were talking about pedophilia and how much info to disclose to the law when in a therapeutic setting) that I changed the subject to something else. It was obvious we had different viewpoints and we were eating dinner, so sometimes a better topic makes everyone happy. Since I’ve been here, I’ve eaten lunch and dinner every day and night with a group of people (even on my birthday before training started) and each time we have a discussion, we all have these very very very very different points of view. Most of the time I am cringing on the inside, thinking to myself, these people are crazy but on the outside I am smiling and shaking my head. Every now and then I’d offer my viewpoint, often times their expressions would turn into - eyes widening, color change in faces, open mouths, etc. I don’t personally find my opinions to be THAT shocking, but apparently to the rest of the world, they can be. Thankfully this group of people seems to be very comfortable with who I am and what I do for a living and I can be MYSELF which I love. Half of the class already knows me cause we’ve trained before and the other half has already gotten to know me - so just in a few days, they’ve seen me wearing my lesbian shirts, corsets, chains, wigs, heard my foul mouth, dominatrix stories, etc. and everyone appears to be comfortable with my eccentric lifestyle and often inquire for more. So far, there doesn’t appear to be any judgemnt — perhaps disagreement. But no judgement.
I can agree that my position on many subjects will differ from many people, perhaps even piss them off - which is why, frankly, I work alone - am successful alone - and AM alone. I may not understand the position other people take most of the time, but I can agree that once I learn how to understand the art of communicating to those people (who disagree with me) more, then I’d probably have better luck getting my way. It’s funny because on my test, I scored basically everything that points to the fact I belief life is all about me, me, me. I hate teamwork and find I can get more accomplished with more successful results when I do it alone. I get more satisfaction with internal praise than hearing it from other people. It’s true. I feel much more capable of accomplishing a task when I do it alone than with other people. Other people tie me down and I hate that. Rules and regulations annoy me - I hate the law. I’m not too big on the planet or caring about global stuff as I am about me. Sometimes I help out other small charitable organizations or do kind things for the environment, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, it’s all about me and I put myself before others.
One of the questions asked in a seperate verbal test was, “Someone says, ‘I’m thirsty.’ What is your first reaction. Do you take it literally and get them something to drink? Or do you ignore them and find it amusing?”
My response was, “I’d tell them to go get me a glass of water instead and they can stay thirsty.”
I said that aloud on instinct and after I said it, realized that perhaps that could be the reason I do so well as a Domme, and perhaps that’s ALSO why I do so poorly in friendly relationships with people. It’s a blessing and a curse.
For some people, that just makes me seem like a royal bitch, perhaps narcissistic (sp?), selfish, uncaring, and a loner. The thing is - I don’t hate people. I just like me better. Does that make sense?
Today was insightful. I have a lot of work to do on myself apparently.
Love
Isabella
xoxoxox
Greetings from the island of Hawai’i! Today I turn 27 years old. Time went by so fast this year, I swear. In retrospect, I would say this has been one of my most successful, productive, and busiest years in my life. I’ve never had a boring year, that’s for sure… but this year was just… wam bam - thank you ma’am, one task after another.
1) Moved from San Diego to Indiana
2) Bought my first home (4 BR, 4 BA with over an acre… sweet!)
3) Spent months furnishing my first home with much needed furniture. Everything in the house is brand new except one couch. All bedroom sets, rugs, tables, etc. all new.
4) Swapped my Eclipse for a brand new SUV
5) Quit smoking (had 3 cigs all year, when used to smoke over a pack a day)
6) Quit drugs (completely. wow.)
7) Quit drinking (well except for 2 nights of binge drinking) 
Lost over 100 pounds
9) Stopped taking OCD medication and gradually overcame over 20 personal phobias due to lots of determination and self-hypnosis
10) Went to London and saw Westminster Abbey, Parliament, London Bridge, and soooo many landmarks! Wow!
11) Went to Hawaii… twice. (Oahu & Big Island) - once to see cousin Leanna get married!
12) Went to California… twice. (LA, San Diego, Santa Ana, Newport Beach)
13) Went to New York… twice.
14) Experienced my first bed and breakfast at the Victorian Villa in Michigan
15) Helped my mom get conservatorship of my brother in court (HUGE NEWS!)
16) Helped the 8 kids I sponsor by upgrading their living situations compared to last year. One kid, Kennedy (and his brother - name unknown), now sleep on beds instead of the concrete floor… and a few other kids now have electricity paid for a YEAR and this is their first time using any electricity EVER cause they couldn’t afford it. The photos they sent me were priceless - the looks on their faces next to a lit lamp were just… wow.
17) Doubled my income. (I’ve doubled it every year for 3 straight years now)
18) Fell in (and out) of love with slave m… but the point is that I let my guard down and was willing to love. That was a big step for me. I don’t regret it for a moment. It was worth every second.
19) Recorded with Lycia, Alexandra, and Deidre all in the same year!
20) Saved up for months to be able to afford my own sauna, gym equipment, and lots of electronic trinkets.
21) Learned how to cry. Really cry. For years, I’ve held it in and didn’t know how to let it out. This year I learned how to do it without beating myself up for it. I’ve found that crying is actually quite therapeutic. Who knew?
22) Began a daily workout routine - all year — and stuck to it. Never in my life did I think I would have been able to do it. This year, I was determined and FINALLY learned the importance of fitness and exercise.
23) Earned an NLP certification (now working on master)
24) I’m tempted to post my involvement in a few people’s marriages and their newborn babies being born, but those are THEIR achievements, not mine.
25) Raised thousands of dollars for various charities.
26) My first signs of facial wrinkles are appearing. I have them around my eyes and two faint smile lines. I also tried botox for the first time ever.
27) Although I was perfectly content with my $10 mexican pouch, I bought my first designer purse (Dior and also Chloe). I also bought my first pair of designer shoes (Dior), and designer jewelry (Gucci). I’m still content with the cheap stuff though.
I know I’m forgetting a shitload of things and events but these are the only ones at the top of my head.
– I wonder what next year will be like.
Love
Isabella
xoxoxox
Wow, my shoe collection has grown from tiny to… um… well… I had to buy a bookshelf and turn it into a shoe rack because my shoes are too tall and bulky for regular shoe racks. Funny thing is, I can only comfortably walk in 2 of those pairs of shoes. Everything else is usually for photoshoots and sitting down — but the rest of them are incredibly awkward to stand or walk. I’m not exactly the type of girl who wears high heels because I wobble on them and look like a strange person who needs a balance beam. When I wear tall stilettos, I’m more likely to lean on a wall or hold on to a counter just to try to walk to the other side of the floor. Comparing the situation is similar to telling an infant to walk in high heels. It results in lots of falling. I find it much easier to wear boots, tennis shoes, and sandals.
By the way, I’m leaving super early in the morning for Hawaii and will be back on the 19th. So please bear with me when it comes to replying to mail.
Love
Isabella
xoxoxox
Last night I went to the neighborhood Halloween/Thanksgiving potluck where people optionally dressed in costumes. Three of us dressed in costumes, and one wore a mask — everyone else dressed in regular street clothes. I had a much better time at the party this year than I did last year and really got to know many of them on a personal level and it turns out that a lot of us have common interests. We talked about everything from motorcycles to hypnosis to American Idol to deer in our yard, you name it - we talked about it.
The night took an even better turn when two of the people (the guy dressed like Rick James and his wife who was dressed like Daphne from Scooby Doo) invited me to ANOTHER party on the same night — which just happened to be a few doors down in the same neighborhood. He said I would fit in wonderfully there and said it might be “more your crowd” and boy was he right! I swear, for the first time since living in Bloomington, I partied with people who were sooooo my type. There were over 50 costume-clad people at the second party and half the girls wore miniskirts or boots and some were dressed as dominatrixes — the guys wore austin powers uniforms or dressed as secret agents, one guy even wore a giant penis about 3 feet long sticking out of his pants. I ended up meeting some AMAZING people there (and they live practically next door to me, who knew???) — my impression of doctors was SO wrong… because the host of the party was none other than a doctor. Many of his doctor friends had shown up - and friends of his wife had arrived, so it was a very diverse crowd. Some played a guitar game (kind of like karaoke, but with a guitar) and I chatted with some new friends. It was a blast.
There was free beer, free wine, free liquor at both parties - all you can drink… but I was a good girl and drank water. People kept handing me drinks left and right, but I politely declined. They all kept saying things like, “It’s ok, you don’t have to drive home, you can spend the night or you can walk home, and you’re among friends!” But I really was doing the sober thing for MYSELF because I made a pact I intend to keep. Surprisingly, I wasn’t tempted *even a little bit* to drink. Not even a taste. Is it selfish that I felt really felt proud of myself afterwards? Normally, I would have stumbled out drunk, guilty for doing or saying something embarrassing. But this time, I had a blast — and did it totally sober. I didn’t grab anyone’s butts or anyone’s breasts and didn’t even flirt with anyone. *shock* But I got to know some new people on a personal level and to me that is more important. I had no idea that being sober would be so much freaking fun. I know it sounds stupid, but to me, this was a completely new experience. Party = sober. New experience.
The host of the first party sent me some photos that were taken via email and I thought I’d post them in my journal.
Can you spot me?
(This is from the 1st party, not the second party)
And here is a photo from the 2nd party - all I had was my camera phone and I took the pics after most everyone already left. I had forgotten I even HAD my phone with me until most of the partygoers left.
blurry camera-phone pic - the girls behind me wore 60s mini-dresses. Hot!
Can you spot Austin Powers?
blurry camera-phone pic from 2nd party
watching one of the guys doing karaoke guitar
Love
Isabella
xoxoxoox
Enter inside My virtual brainwashing cage if you dare… but I warn you, 33 minutes can feel like a lifetime when you’re trapped…
Listen to free sample of “Cage Confinement”
Love
Isabella
xoxoxox
Secret’s out. I have a wee bit of a spanking fetish. I admit, it can be overwhelming to guests that my house is slowly being converted to a dungeon. I wonder what my family will think when they come over for christmas. Hmm.
Funny thing is, this is probably the one time where it would actually hurt *me* more to do the swinging than it would if I popped someone. I can’t wait till I get full range of motion with my arms again. These sore muscles are killing me.
I’m also considering perhaps in December or January I might throw a play party when I get my dungeon finished. It’s still in beginning stages right now.
Love
Isabella
xoxoxo
Today has been a huge awakening for me, perhaps a wake-up call that I think everyone should experience a handful of times throughout their lives. Sometimes people learn the hard way. When I woke up this morning, I had (and I counted) 16 unexplained bruises on my body. When I touch the middle of my stomach, I feel sharp pain (in a diameter similar to a fist). That too, is unexplained. I could barely move my neck. I felt like walking death and could literally barely move, much less try to exercise. Both of my knees have bruises the size of coke cans. Perhaps at one point I must have fallen? Did I fall down a flight of stairs? Did I get into a fistfight with a ghost? I felt the way Muhammad Ali did in his fight with Frazier when he said, “So this is what death feels like.” I’m telling you. I felt it.
So what do you do when you start a day like that? I’ll tell you what you do. You beg. And I do mean beg a massage therapist to take pity on you and fit you in her day in a short notice. And that’s exactly what I did.
Normally I’ve used Beverly from Carmen Delgado Spa as my massage therapist, but she had surgery recently and has left the company. Beverly was also my friend, and I feel sad that I have no way of reaching her. I feel like I’ve lost her as a friend forever because the company won’t give me her number for privacy reasons. I do hope she is ok. She is a breast cancer survivor and had both of her breasts removed, so when I heard she had sudden surgery, worst-case scenarious were going through my head. I miss her.
So I found another massage therapist who coincidentally happens to be smart and beautiful and worked wonders with my neck. I must say… I didn’t want to admit this to her… but it was quite an arousing experience. At one point I think I felt a breast on my face and I swore I had gone from hell to heaven in .6 seconds. We talked about many things and turns out we have quite a bit in common and she wants to get to know me on a personal basis (she even asked for my info - and inquired about erotic hypnosis too!). It’s nice to meet new people and I want to find out more about her. She still doesn’t know I’m a Domme, but who knows, maybe she drew her own conclusions by the tattoos on my back.
Although I still feel sore and tender, I can at least move my neck and can walk up and down stairs. But I don’t think I’ll be capable of riding my bike until next year (plus it’s getting colder outside).
Whatever happened to make me wake up like I did, I’m grateful. I’ve learned so much. I know this sounds vague, but some things are personal experiences that are better left just that… personal.
On another note, I am grateful to the person who bought me the cd “The Awakening” by Melissa Etheridge which I’ve been listening to all day. It’s a remarkable cd and all the music on it really hit home for me. Songs 9-16 are my absolute favorite and are worth re-listening to every single day.
I don’t think I look very sexy wearing a neck brace. LOL
Love
Isabella
xoxoxox
P.S. I have also learned that it takes less alcohol to drunkify me than it did when I was 100 pounds heavier. I never took that into account. Lesson learned. Lesson learned.
I borrowed this meme from
Do you sleep with the TV on? No, never. That wastes a huge amount of electricity. However, sometimes I sleep with a hypno recording playing on the cd player which automatically turns off after it plays one time. I fall asleep rather quickly then.
Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton? Rarely - I prefer a small tumbler glass since I have to portion out my milk as part of my diet. At least that way I can know how much milk I’m actually drinking. I’ve noticed that 8 small swallows is equal to one/half cup.
How fast can you type? I used to be able to type 90 wpm, but I think I’m about 70 now.
Are you afraid of the dark? I embrace the dark. Sometimes I imagine life as a blind woman.
Eye color? Hazel, they change colors a lot. Some days are greener, grayer, or bluer than others.
Do you knock on wood? Every time.
Are you drinking anything right now? No, but I had some apple juice a few minutes ago
Do you have good vision? I’m far-sighted and have a slight stigmatism, but I can perform without my glasses. I get a headache if I remove my glasses for an extended period of time. I wear my glasses everyday, especially on computer or driving.
Can you hula hoop? I’ve tried many times, trust me. But no. I can’t belly dance either.
How often do you talk on the phone? For work, depends. For personal, rarely.
What are you thinking right now? I need to reply to so-and-so via email.
Do you own a night light? Actually my house came with 4 installed nightlights already and I’ve sort of left them there.
A movie you watched when you were little? Bambi
Nose ring or tongue ring? I used to have both, now I have neither
Where were you at 3:02 AM this morning? – On the computer
What color is your cell phone? - Dark blue
Do you own an iPod? - two of them
What was the first thing you thought this morning? – Johnny is sooo adorable when he sleeps next to me
What was the last thing that you had to eat? – cookies n cream vitamin bar
What was the last movie you watched? Flightplan
What food are you craving? Lobster
What did you dream last night? I can’t remember, but I always have freaky dreams
What’s the last tv show you watched? A Year at the Windsor Castle
Do you always lock your bedroom door? No. But I do alarm the house. I leave the bedroom doors open so Johnny can roam throughout the house if he wants.
Are you on any prescribed medication? Not anymore.
Have you ever cut your own hair? All the time. Been cutting my own hair since I was 4 years old. I’ve screwed it up a few times and had to have a barber straighten it out.
What is your favorite frozen treat? If I answer this, I’ll feel incredibly guilty. I better not. Besides, I wanna think of healthy treats hehe.
How many piercings/tattoos do you have? 15 tattoos, 6 piercings (ears)
Wheres your favorite place to be? Sadly, I’d have to say at the computer. It feels like home.
Who’s someone you haven’t seen in a while and miss? deidre
Who was the last person to text you? my sister
Do you care what people think about you? Sometimes
Have you ever done something to make trouble? All the time LOL
Have you ever moshed? Yeah almost got trampled and got a bruise on my face
What do you smell right now? Juicy Couture perfume on my wrist
Do you like ketchup? a little bit yeah
What do you tell yourself when times get hard? Two things: 1) Just breathe, you can do this. and 2) I need a slave.
What color is your pillow case? - light green (downstairs) and cream (upstairs)
If you could say something to your ex what would it be? Congrats on your baby
Who was the last persons stomach you saw? Chris Crocker
Do you enjoy giving hugs? only if I feel intimately towards them
Have you ever been to another country? yup
Have you ever suffered from bulimia, anorexia, etc? No, but I’ve suffered from morbid obesity for over 10 years. Finally getting out of that.
What celebrities do people say you look like? Most often people say that when I have blonde hair (and if I were thinner), my facial features remind them of Reese Witherspoon. Personally, I think I better resemble Alison Sweeney - and possibly even Candice Cameron.
Does it annoy you when someone says they’ll call but don’t? No. I don’t really like getting calls. They always seem to call at the wrong time…
Love
Isabella
xxooxox
Those who bought the “Trick-or-Treat” bag last year for Halloween were quite surprised. Hmm… wonder what I’ll do this year? Am I feeling naughty or nice? Sweet or evil? hehe… What do I have up my sleeve?
I suppose the real question is — how many people are willing to spend $14.97 on the unknown? Perhaps none, perhaps some, perhaps a lot. Your guess is as good as mine. It’s interesting to dangle a mysterious product and watch the suspense build.
Those who dare to be brave, you may buy it here…
Love
Isabella
xoxoxo
Your 7 day-training will require a week’s worth of food. Take this grocery list with you to the store.
Cheerios (or generic equivalent)
One gallon skim milk
Strawberries
2 Bagels
Cream Cheese
Orange juice
Baby Carrots (optional)
Broccoli (optional)
Celery
Strawberry jelly
Wheat bread
Peanut Butter
2 oranges
3 bananas
2 cans of tomato soup
Saltine crackers
Salad dressing
Ketchup (optional)
Mustard (optional)
Cucumber
2 tomatoes
2 hotdogs
1 can of chicken soup
1 egg
1 granola bar
hamburger meat for one burger
1 slice of cheese
1 chicken breast
lettuce
toothbrush (a cheap one for cleaning floor)
Note: If you’re vegan or vegetarian, email Me and I’ll give you an alternate menu
Day 7
Wake up.
Take shower and shave.
Dry yourself off with a fresh towel. Put on deodorant when you’re done, but do it on your knees sitting on the towel.
Men: listen to “Kneel and Pray” while kneeling on your used towel. Make sure your nose is to wet portion of the towel. Women: instead of listening to recording, kneel on the towel and pray to me for 30 minutes.
Masturbate to orgasm while kneeling this time.
Eat breakfast (and lunch and dinner if at home) kneeling on your towel.
You choose your own breakfast today, but make sure it has no dairy and no meat products.
Go for a 30 minute walk outside. If it rains, then walk in circles inside your house instead. The whole time you’re walking, I want you to speak as though W/we are walking together and you are having a conversation with Me. Talk out loud. (If your work is close enough, then walk to work and do the same thing)
Go about your day. Work. Whatever you normally do.
Put your hands behind your back for at least 25 minutes sometime during the day. This will give you an idea of how slave life might be like for you if you served Me in person.
You choose your own lunch and snacks today, but make sure they contain no dairy and no meat products.
For snacks throughout the day, eat an endless supply of baby carrots, cucumber, or celery (no dressings). Drink as much water as possible.
During the evening, write Me an email describing how your week has been and what differences you’ve come to realize about yourself.
Clean your shower and scrub your bathroom floors - but do it with your TOOTHBRUSH. I want you to sweat for Me. Get inside all those nooks and crannies. Use your toothbrush all over the bathroom floors. Don’t forget to clean around the toilets. Make sure it’s spotless, because if you were to serve Me real time, I’d want to know you’re capable of cleaning and scrubbing! It should go without saying that I want you to use a clean toothbrush next time when brushing your teeth.
You choose your own healthy dinner today, but make sure it has no meat or dairy products.
Then before you go to sleep for the night… If you’re a man, then listen to “Lose Yourself” and fall asleep with listening to it for the night. Be sure you’re sleeping on your used towel. If you are a woman, then listen to “The Muse” as you fall asleep for the night. Sleep on your used towel. Sleep in bed in your normal position. Pillow ok. Blanket optional.
Completion Assignment: After you’ve completed this 7-day training and have told Me how it went for you — you may call consider yourself a worthy slave. However, should you want your own personal slave name, email Me and I’ll give you one. Once you’ve shared your interest in being a slave, you may be asked to start a (free) LiveJournal blog and begin writing daily about your life as a new slave and how it has changed your life. There may be times where I rely and count on you to do favors and tasks for Me in the future, so be sure to let Me know if you’d like to be My “go-to person” I can count on.
Day 6:
Wake up.
Deny yourself a shower. Don’t shave. But give yourself a sponge bath using your used towel from the day before. Wet one side of it for bathing. And keep one side dry for drying yourself afterwards. Wash hair over the sink with shampoo/conditioner. Put on deodorant when you’re done, but do it on your knees sitting on the towel.
Men: listen to “Kneel and Pray” while kneeling on your used wet/dry towel. Make sure your nose is to wet portion of the towel. Women: instead of listening to recording, kneel on the towel and pray to me for 30 minutes.
Eat breakfast (and lunch and dinner if at home) kneeling on your towel.
Your breakfast will be:
1/2 cup orange juice
1 banana
1 apple
Go for a 30 minute walk outside. If it rains, then walk in circles inside your house instead. The whole time you’re walking, I want you to speak as though W/we are walking together and you are having a conversation with Me. Talk out loud. (If your work is close enough, then walk to work and do the same thing)
Listen to songs on the radio or in your cd collection and find one that can be “Our” song. When you find it, let Me know what it is and why you chose it. From now on, this will remind you of Me.
Your pre-afternoon snack will be:
1 large vegan chocolate chip cookie (or 2 small ones)
1 cup original soy milk
Go about your day. Work. Whatever you normally do.
Your lunch will be:
non-dairy pod thai noodles and a can of warm veggie broth, wheat crackers, and your choice of fruit. Drink one cup of original soy milk.
Sing a song - any song… it can be one you know or one you make up. But sing it as though you’re singing it directly to Me.
Your post-afternoon snack will be:
Strawberry non-dairy Fig Newmans
For snacks throughout the day, eat an endless supply of baby carrots, cucumber, or celery (no dressings). Drink as much water as possible.
Do an assignment (such as pay a bill, write a letter, or contact someone you haven’t in a long time) or something you’ve been intending to do but have neglected. This will help you understand the proper mindset of a slave is not only to serve Me, but to do things that are important in life in general.
Print out 3 photos of Me and hang them (or place them) somewhere you can look at Me throughout your day.
During the evening, look in the mirror and spend 5 minutes talking to yourself in the mirror convincing yourself why being a submissive and a slave is the proper thing for you.
Eat dinner. (Fry one “fake” chicken breast and sprinkle a dash of pepper, one salad with 4 cucumber slices and 3 tomato slices with one TB of your favorite non-dairy dressing, 1 tall glass of tap water, and fruit of your choice)
Then before you go to sleep for the night… men can listen to “Goodnight Pantyboy” and fall asleep with listening to it for the night. Be sure you’re sleeping on your used towel. Women can listen to “Addictive Induction” and fall asleep listening to it for the night, sleeping on their used towel. You may sleep in bed tonight, but sleep the opposite way. Sleep with your feet facing the headboard. And sleep on the opposite side of the bed you normally sleep on. No pillow tonight. Use 3 blankets and fall asleep hot. Don’t remove them.
Day 5:
Wake up.
Deny yourself a shower.
Shave over the sink and give yourself a sponge bath using your used towel from the day before. Wet one side of it for bathing. And keep one side dry for drying yourself afterwards. Wash hair over the sink with shampoo/conditioner. Put on deodorant when you’re done, but do it on your knees sitting on the towel.
Men: listen to “Kneel and Pray” while kneeling on your used wet/dry towel. Make sure your nose is to wet portion of the towel. Women: instead of listening to recording, kneel on the towel and pray to me for 30 minutes.
Eat breakfast (and lunch and dinner if at home) kneeling on your towel.
Your breakfast will be:
Fried homestyle potatoes with onions and bell peppers with optional organic ketchup.
strawberries and grapes
1 cup original soy milk
Go for a 30 minute walk outside. If it rains, then walk in circles inside your house instead. The whole time you’re walking, I want you to speak as though W/we are walking together and you are having a conversation with Me. Talk out loud. (If your work is close enough, then walk to work and do the same thing)
Your pre-afternoon snack will be:
peta bread with hummus
Go about your day. Work. Whatever you normally do.
Your lunch will be:
Fajitas. Stir-fry with onions, green bell peppers, red bell peppers, mushrooms, shredded non-dairy cheese, all inside a warm wheat tortilla wrap. Eat one banana and drink 1 cup soy milk.
Clean the inside of your oven. Clean it until it’s spotless! This is probably something you don’t want to do, but you’ll do it anyway because it is your duty as a slave to do the things you don’t enjoy. If you were to serve Me in real life, I would often require you to do things you may not like. The point of this task is that you do it anyway - regardless of your feelings. Notice how your attitude automatically changes after you’ve finished cleaning it.
Your post-afternoon snack will be:
1 large vegan chocolate chip cookie (or 2 small ones)
1 cup original soymilk
If you remain hungry, you may eat an endless supply of baby carrots, cucumber, or celery (no dressings). Drink as much water as possible.
Email Me a letter telling Me how your slave training is going. Also be sure to tell Me what talents you can offer Me based on one of your assigments from yesterday.
During the day or evening, find something you can blindfold yourself with - a scarf, a blindfold, even a towel is ok. If you have nothing, then simply close your eyes and keep them closed for at least 20 minutes. This will give you an idea of life would be like if you were to serve Me in real life as My slave.
Your dinner will be:
Baked potato with optional non-dairy butter or non-dairy sour cream. Steamed broccoli and carrots with non-dairy butter. Salad with fake fried chicken, lettuce, tomato, shredded carrots, shredded non-dairy cheese, non-dairy dressing. Eat seedless grapes and one tall glass of ice water.
During the evening, watch a movie. Rent one, watch one on tv, or watch a video you have already. Be sure when you’re watching the movie, to curl up with a pillow and imagine cuddling beside Me.
Show your value to Me by writing an email to an online adult-friendly company and try to convince the owner to advertise My website for free.
Then before you go to sleep for the night… if you are a man, listen to “Destruction of Ego” and realize how much I love to humiliate you. If you are a woman, listen to “Snow Queen” and become more and more submissive to Me.
When you fall asleep for the night, place your towel over your eyes. Sleep on the floor. Stare at the ceiling for 11 minutes before you close your eyes and conk out. You may only sleep on the bed if you truly are having difficulty sleeping and find it could affect your next day’s performance.
Day 4
Wake up.
Masturbate to orgasm before you get out of bathtub or bed. The whole time I only want you to have images of Me controlling and dominating you.
Shower thinking about Me. Don’t shave.
Get a new towel and think about the privilege of being given a new towel at all.
Dry yourself off.
If you are a man, use your towel to kneel on your knees when you listen to “Kneel and Pray” (listen to this recording daily). If you are a woman, instead of listening to recording, kneel on the towel and pray to Me for 30 minutes.
Eat breakfast (and lunch and dinner if at home) kneeling on your towel.
Your breakfast will be:
1 fried veggie hotdog with optional organic ketchup
1/2 cup orange juice
1 banana
Go for a 30 minute walk outside and chant “I am a slave to Isabella” and repeat it the whole time.
Your pre-afternoon snack will be:
1 large vegan chocolate chip cookie (or 2 small ones)
1 cup of original soy milk
Go about your day. Work. Whatever you normally do. However, spend time thinking about what talents you have and how you can use it to help Me. For instance, if you are a carpenter, think about what kind of woodwork you can provide for Me. If you are a web designer, think about what kind of site you could build for Me. If you are the manager of a company, think about what kind of discounts or freebies you could give Me. When you finally realize what it is, then began to utilize it so you can share your talents with Me.
Your lunch will be:
Fried spinach and onions OR steamed broccoli and carrots, one fried veggie non-dairy egg roll, and a salad with fake fried chicken, lettuce, tomato, cucumbers, shredded carrots, and non-dairy dressing. Eat one apple.
Get a sheet of paper and rip it up into 4 equal pieces. Write the words, “Never forget how wonderful it felt to serve Goddess Isabella,” on each sheet. Make sure you sign YOUR name at the bottom of each sheet so you remember you wrote it. Draw a smiley face on each sheet. Then go throughout your house (or office) and hide them where you’ll find them a long time from now. Put them in an obscure place where you’ll be sure to find them in the future.
Your post-afternoon snack will be:
Handful of walnuts or pecans.
During the day or evening, spend at least 20-30 minutes sitting in a confined space without moving. This will give you an idea of how life might be like if you were to serve Me inside a cage.
For snacks throughout the day, eat an endless supply of baby carrots, cucumber, or celery (no dressings). Drink as much water as possible.
During the evening, I want you to think about something funny that happened in your life and laugh hysterically as you imagine what I’d be thinking if I were there to experience it. Make sure you have a photo of Me in your wallet.
Your dinner will be:
Veggie lasagna with non-dairy noodles, fried zucchini and squash, 1 cup original soy milk. Green salad with letttuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, shredded-carrots, shredded non-dairy cheese, and non-dairy dressing.
When night time comes, listen to any recording by Me (a free one is ok) of your choosing but do not masturbate.
Fall asleep thinking about me while naked in a bathtub with a pillow and blanket. Force your eyes open for 20 minutes before you fall asleep. You may only sleep on the bed if you truly are having difficulty sleeping and find it could affect your next day’s performance.
Day 3
Wake up.
Deny yourself a shower.
Shave and give yourself a sponge bath using your used towel that you used the day before. Wet one side of it for bathing. And keep one side dry for drying yourself afterwards. Wash hair over the sink with shampoo/conditioner. Put on deodorant when you’re done, but do it on your knees sitting on the towel.
Men: listen to “Kneel and Pray” while kneeling on your used wet/dry towel. Make sure your nose is to wet portion of the towel. Women: instead of listening to recording, kneel on the towel and pray to Me for 30 minutes.
Eat breakfast (and lunch and dinner if at home) kneeling on your towel.
Your breakfast will be:
1/2 cup orange juice
green seedless grapes
1 non-dairy yogurt
Go for a 30 minute walk outside. If it rains, then walk in circles inside your house instead. The whole time you’re walking, I want you to speak as though W/we are walking together and you are having a conversation with Me. Talk out loud. (If your work is close enough, then walk to work and do the same thing)
Your pre-afternoon snack will be:
one large vegan chocolate chip cookie (or 2 small ones)
1 cup original soy milk
Go about your day. Work. Whatever you normally do.
Your lunch will be:
Fried tofu sandwich with lettuce, tomato, wheat bread, and optional vegannaise.
Put something in your mouth to gag you (anything will do) for at least 25 minutes sometime during the day or evening. This will give you an idea of what it would be like with a gag in your mouth to prevent you from speaking to Me if you were to serve Me in real life.
Your post-afternoon snack will be:
7 strawberry Fig Newmans (non-dairy)
For snacks throughout the day, eat an endless supply of baby carrots, cucumber, or celery (no dressings). Drink as much water as possible.
Organize an area of your house. It can be a closet, a room, a desk - but do a good job and do it thoroughly. This will give you a taste of what it’s like to do housework duties for Me.
Your dinner will be:
1 fried veggie patty on a warm whole wheat bun with fried onions and fried mushrooms with organic ketchup and a slice of fake cheese. For vegetables, you may eat fried zucchini and squash. You may drink one cup of soy milk or orange juice.
During the evening, I want you to spend 20 minutes crying as you think about how bad you want to be My real life slave. Think of things that make you both happy and sad, but just cry. Cry real tears.
Then before you go to sleep for the night, If you are a man, then listen to “Lesbian Man” and masturbate to orgasm imagining yourself as my lesbian lover. Be sure when you ejaculate, that you do it somewhere on the towel you’ve been using. If you are a woman, then masturbate and pleasure yourself listening to “Euphoria.”
Spend some time talking about Me online, whether talking about Me on a forum, chatroom, or in a blog. Share your experiences that you’ve had with Me - with others. Let others know what kind of impact I’ve had on you. This means a lot to Me when you do this.
When you fall asleep for the night, place your used, wrap your feet in the cum-stained towel and fall asleep with your feet bound. Sleep in the bathtub naked with a blanket with no pillow.
Fall asleep at 1:03am. If you work graveyard and this time is unacceptable, then fall asleep 2 hours later than you normally do and fall asleep when the minute hand has reached three. You may only sleep on the bed if you truly are having difficulty sleeping and find it could affect your next day’s performance.
Day 2:
Wake up.
Take shower and don’t shave.
Dry yourself off with the same towel as the day before (make sure to dry off your underarms well) and keep the towel. Put on deodorant when you’re done, but do it on your knees sitting on the towel.
Men: listen to “Kneel and Pray” while kneeling on your used towel. Make sure your nose is to towel. Women: instead of listening to recording, kneel on the towel and pray to Me for 30 minutes.
Eat breakfast (and lunch and dinner if at home) kneeling on your towel.
Your breakfast will be:
Fried homestyle potatoes with onions, mushrooms, bell peppers.
1 non-dairy yogurt
1 banana
1 cup original soy milk
Go for a 30 minute walk outside. If it rains, then walk in circles inside your house instead. The whole time you’re walking, I want you to speak as though W/we are walking together and you are having a conversation with Me. Talk out loud. (If your work is close enough, then walk to work and do the same thing)
Your pre-afternoon snack will be:
handful of pecans or walnuts
dried apple rings or dried tropical fruit
Go about your day. Work. Whatever you normally do.
Your lunch will be:
Fried fake chicken, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, shredded carrots, non-dairy dressing. Also may have a baked potato or fried homestyle potatoes.
Get on your knees for approx. 10-15 minutes and put a heavy object on your back (a book, a box, a case). This will give you an idea of what it would be like if you were a human piece of furniture, a human footstool. Imagine the object on your back are My boots and you are My stool.
Your post-afternoon snack will be:
Veggie broth and wheat crackers
For snacks throughout the day, eat an endless supply of baby carrots, cucumber, or celery (no dressings).
Drink as much water as possible.
Your dinner will be:
Veggie lasagna with non-dairy noodles. One veggie non-dairy egg roll. One salad with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, shredded tomatoes, and non-dairy dressing. 1 cup orange juice.
If you are a man and happen to go to work this day, then accidentally use the ladies room. If you get caught, politely excuse yourself and admit you’re stupidity and go to the men’s restroom. If your work has a unisex bathroom or you feel it might make your coworkers uncomfortable, then instead find a bookstore or another public place where you can accidentally use the ladies restroom. If you are a woman, then disregard the bathroom suggestion cause I don’t want you in the men’s restroom.
When it gets dark, spend 20 minutes outside looking up at the night sky. Count the stars. Try to keep count. If there are few stars or you live in an area where it’s hard to see the sky, then just look up and begin to count.
If you are a man, listen to “