Intimacy

Tag Archive for 'intimacy'

Small things in life

Published on May 22, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

Kasha and I went to Roots yesterday for a lovely get-together. There’s some restaurants where it seems like the perfect place to go when you want to set the mood just right. It’s a vegetarian diner in Bloomington with live green plants in the windows and booths and tables made of wood where you can see all the knots and live growth of the wood. And since I eat there so much (probably 3 times a week), all the servers are acquaintances of mine which always seems to lead to great service. Win-win situation.

And what’s awesome to me about eating at Roots is that no matter who I take there, the connection always seems to be perfect. There’s never a worry about weirdness or being too romantic or too hopeful or too overpriced or too much expectation. It’s the very kind of place a person can be oneself. For some reason, I equate cloth napkins as being the type of accessory in which a person has to act slightly differently than their “normal self” which is one reason I like to eat at places with disposable ones. But I don’t like fast food cause it’s too unhealthy, too cheap, often times: too dirty, and most of the employees have little incentive to keep things clean and awesome. Roots is the perfect alternative. It’s quick enough so you don’t feel like you’re waiting forever for your food. It’s long enough so you have time to communicate with your friends without rushing. It’s clean enough that you could eat off the floor. And it feels like a mom and pop type place except run by twenty-somethings.

After Roots, she and I went to the Dharma Emporium where we bought some oils, a tie-dyed Bloomington t-shirt, hemp necklaces, books about the mind, and a trippy poster. Then we went to a restaurant/bar/shopping place called “Farm” so we could see what all the hype was about. I bought some organic soaps and candles and checked out the menu for later use. A bit expensive for what they were offering. For a simple hot veggie dish, it was $18. Some things went as high as $26, which in itself isn’t a lot of money, but in Bloomington it is. We made acquaintances with some of the workers and had a few free samples and listened to some “Me and Mrs. Jones” music playing over head. Their bar seems pretty hip. Must go back.

When we went to her place, we waited till darkness then took a walk to a nearby lake where we heard the most beautiful sounds of animals in the grass and water but couldn’t make out what type of animal we could hear. It almost sounded like geese and frogs but could have been something different. Listening to those animals was pure magic… and quite musical. Then we spotted what we thought was a black cat but at no point could we make out details. We made the assumption that we thought it was a cat based on the fact there were times at which it appeared there was no grass. By using the process of deletion we were able to make a valid conclusion that where there was no grass, there was darkness. And that darkness moved in the shape synonymous with that of a cat.

It’s the small things that really count.

Love
Isabella
xooxox

Can there be intimacy in porn?

Published on May 14, 2008 in Journal posts. 1 Comment

Perhaps what I’m about to say isn’t a shared opinion. And perhaps it might even upset some people in the adult web cam industry. My goal is to express my experience and not to undermine anyone’s work ethic. So before I begin discussing the topic at hand, I’d like to preface this by saying I have many (real life) friends who work successfully and diligently in the adult industry working their webcams and of COURSE there will ALWAYS be exceptions to the rule. Here is what happened last night.

Ok. So as you may know, I’ve been out of state for the last week staying at a family member’s house. With all the lack of privacy and lack of time, I absolutely did not masturbate during the vacation. For me, that’s a long time! I’m used to masturbating maybe once per day or at LEAST once every two days. So for me to go nearly a week was mentally exhausting. When I got home, my roommate Jenni was packing her suitcase for a vacation to Maryland… so naturally, a lightbulb goes off and I think, “Yay I get the house to myself! I can masturbate and orgasm as loud as I want!”

So night time comes. I am alone in the house. I go online browsing for internet porn. This time I wanted something different than the usual dominant woman whipping a submissive girl. Variety is important or else I’ll get bored. This time I wanted to watch a girl on webcam. I just wanted to see her stripteasing and flirting into the camera as if I were in a stripclub. A girl who smiles, looks like the girl next door, and who likes to tease. Not hard, right? Since I knew what I wanted, now I had to figure out where to go.

I could have picked Niteflirt, because it’s where I work. But I opted against it because I’d hate to put a girl in a strange position to feel obligated to put on a show for one of her coworkers. Sometimes girls get pesky on Niteflirt if they think “competition” is watching them. And yes, I do have a separate screen name on Niteflirt for the very sole purpose of masturbating and getting off to girls. Most of the time they have no clue it’s me unless I just tell them. If I think even for a moment that a webcam girl on Niteflirt is intimidated by me (and most won’t admit it, but often times they are), I won’t pay for her services. When I’m in masturbation-mode, the last thing I want to do is “check out competition,” and instead just wanna get my nut off.

So I went to an unfamiliar adult cam website, which I’ll leave nameless. If you’re desperate to know the name, email me (not through Niteflirt) and I’ll tell you. The girls were pretty and beautiful, as are many camgirls in the industry. They even had a free chat you could have before hand with the girls. The girls wouldn’t really type back, but they would look all cute and pretty in the preview video screen. I went from one girl’s video preview screen to another… looking for someone who, frankly, didn’t appear bored out of her mind. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that it is impossible to be in a hot, horny, happy mood 24 hours a day. I’m well familiar with this adult industry and was a phone sex operator for many years before becoming a hypnotist. I know a lot of the attitudes are “put on” to make the customer feel happy, and that was ok with me. I didn’t need genuine “hot and horny” from a girl. But I at LEAST wanted her to pretend she was hot for me. Was that too much to ask? Couldn’t a girl just pretend to be excited to see a paying customer?

So I gave a girl a try. She looked adorable in the preview screen. It was a pay-per-minute deal, and I had about an hour’s worth of credits. The minute she comes on, she strips completely naked (absolutely no teasing involved at all) and begins going through the motions like a robot. And I stopped her and explained what I wanted. I told her it would turn me on if she took her time and stripteased her clothes like a stripper. Where she’ll show a breast, then cover it up. Show her ass, then play hard to get. And I also know that it’s important for ME to be just as vocal about what *I* want so that she’s not left playing a guessing game. She immediately got redressed and then sat there like an idiot. She rubbed the same spot on her panties the whole time without moving her legs, her arms, nothing. It was like watching the Twilight Zone on crack. She was a zombie. I left. I wanted someone else.

Girl number two. Hot, cute, wore glasses. Million dollar smile. Very very very cute. I figured if she wears glasses maybe she’s intelligent and can give me lots of eye contact which is very hot, especially in a stripclub. I paid for a private show and we began. I described what I wanted but she seemed confused. Finally she just asked if she wanted me to zoom in on her face and I said sure. So the duration of the time, she either put a dildo or her finger in her mouth and sucked on it. I did not want to pay by the minute to watch a girl sucking on something. Again I spoke up and told her what I wanted: a striptease. That’s all I had been trying to get. Nothing. She kept sucking her finger like a baby. I left.

Maybe third time would be a charm. Third girl. At this point I didn’t even care if I got a striptease. I just wanted to get aroused. Until this point, I wasn’t even slightly aroused. Those who know me can testify that even mundane things like leaves, trees, and carpet can sexually excite me. Come on ladies, I’m easy to arouse. Honest. I got money to spend, take your time. Let’s do this. So this other girl comes on, she actually begins doing a striptease without me even asking. Wow. How hot. Perfect body. Instant clit boner. Fucking hot. About ten minutes go by, she’s been doing lots of eye contact into the camera, touching her body, etc… and then…. she ruined my nut. She began typing on the computer. At first I thought she was typing to me and there must have been a delay. Nope. She continued to type and type and type to people. Apparently I wasn’t the only one watching this so-called “private show.”

Sorry, but I absolutely cannot get off watching a girl type on her keyboard to another “customer.” It ruined the fantasy of thinking that, temporarily, she was really interested in me. I left.

Fuck it.

So I did the unthinkable. I masturbated looking at a photo of myself. It worked. It was better than getting laid. Looking directly into my own eyes, I established intimacy. And because it was a self-portrait, I knew what I was thinking at the time and it was genuine arousal. And because it ME, what’s not to like but yourself? It’s not the first time I’ve masturbated to my picture, video, or voice… and certainly won’t be the last. After last night, I can only assume I’ll want to display more things worth wacking off too, at least for me.

Love
Isabella
xoxoxoxo

Erotic Hypnosis MP3: Un Sueno Sexual

Published on May 3, 2008 in Journal posts. 3 Comments

Erotic Hypnosis MP3: Un Sueño Sexual

Isabella Valentine Spanish Erotic Hypnosis MP3

This 2-girl romantic erotic hypnosis recording is designed for those who appreciate the hypnotic language of love. You may agree with me when I say that it is incredibly hot when two languages are spoken, when both talking about sex, love, and intimacy. For years, I envisioned creating an mp3 like this, so finally completing this is a dream come true. I do hope it appeals to you on a deep, unconscious level to stimulate not only your body, but your mind as well. This bilingual mp3 is spoken in English and translated in Spanish for a truly mind-altering experience. You may recognize the voice of my friend, Jenna, translating my words into Spanish.

Fall into a spiral of colors, blending into the shape of love and connection, whirling and swimming in hypnotic ecstacy… as if you’re sleeping on clouds, and then falling deeper into a tunnel that leads you into the long-awaited… nothingness.

Be sexually and spiritually aroused by a romantic Spanish guitar strumming elegant strings, Rumi-inspired hypnotic poetry, and the romanticism of Español, overlapping with whispered English, flavored words that weave into one another until it need not matter which language is deepening your trance.

Allow yourself to be pulled into trance by pretty, feminine voices that arouse and entice you. This is recording was designed to be gender-neutral, which means men and women can equally achieve trance and orgasm.

Fetishes Include:
Erotic hypnosis, romanticism, bilingual, English, Spanish, erotic triggers, hypnotic deepeners, orgasm command, love and addiction, creative visualizations, spirals, patterns, tunnels, love fetish, beauty, connection, intimacy, and erotic flirtation and teasing.

Format: MP3 Download
Sound Quality: Professional First-Rate
Vocal Sound Effects: Yes
Prop Sound Effects: No
Soft Background Music: Yes
Overdubbing Vocals: Yes
Length: 46 minutes
Zip File Size: Approx. 43 MB
Price: $35.00

Buy Now

Intimacy: Again

Published on April 1, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

After I posted yesterday’s “Intimacy” journal entry, I received quite a few emails from people who all gave their input. There was much valuable information and responses which led to new insight of my current situation, so I want to say thank you. One person mentioned genderless love and said some things that really hit home for me and I wanted to address the question asked of me.

The question, although simply stated, required much thought on my part… to consider new possibilities. The question was, “Would you consider also having a male or transgender equal in addition to your female lesbian equal, your female submissive girl, and your male submissive boy?”

My first thought-spoken answer, without hesitation was, “No way.”

But then I thought about it. And thought about it some more. Then slept on it. Then spent most of today thinking about it. My answer has turned into YES, with the exception that whomever the person may be, must be attractive to me, not just on a spiritual/emotional/mental level (that’s the easy part), but also on a physical level. It’s very difficult for me to find men that I find attractive. I’m not into “pretty boys” or muscular beach-boy types. I like geeks, computer nerds, programmers, smart, intellectual genders. If the person happens to have a penis, I suppose I might be ok having a relationship with them… but as far as sexual attraction, I really don’t know. I’m not often turned on by men, for the most part. It would take an exceptional person, and I do mean exceptional… for me to consider saying yes.

Someone asked me which male celebrity I would have sex with, if given the opportunity, and my answer is firmly, “Johnny Depp,” who is very in tune with his feminine side, reflects intellectualism and talent, and is fine as hell. I suppose if I met a man who could balance femininity and masculinity and showed surreal intellect and talent, I could possibly consider a full-time relationship with him. But of course, you’d have to keep in mind that I could never remain monogomous with a man. I NEED women. I cannot and will not live without women. As long as I get to have my cake and eat it too, then I would consider it.

It’s amazing. The questions and responses I receive from journal-readers never cease to surprise me. It means a lot that even though I live a very complex and often, hard-to-understand lifestyle, my world generates enough interest to be considered worth reading. In between all the bullshit, exaggerations, and storytelling, there is a lot of surreal down-to-earth realism in the dropless form of reality that I live. Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out fantasy from reality, because of times I feel I live in the fantasy world that once existed in only my head. Today, my fantasy world has manifested into a richness of life and colors which only continues to surpass my expectations.

Yesterday, I remember asking the question to myself, “Do we have free will?” In the past, I would have automatically answered yes. Now, I’m not so sure.

It wasn’t until a couple months ago that I started believing in past-life experiences (before, I rejected it whole-heartedly as a stupid myth). Not only do I believe in it now, I actually believe I am an old soul who has possibly lived 14,000 lifetimes, much more than the average person who has lived in the hundreds. And as humbly as I can say this, I often feel as though I only have one lifetime left before I return to “connection to source.” In November of last year, during my Hawaiian experience, I discovered my life lesson. My sole purpose of learning during THIS lifetime. Right now, I am in the process of executing it.

There are times I feel that all I’d have to do is close my eyes, and I could easily remove my soul from my body and go off into a different plane/dimension. Doing so would, in fact, mean I would die as a human. I have no problem or fear of death, but embrace it. Sometimes I wonder how many human years I have left before I allow myself to go. And it simply would be a matter of simply shutting my eyes (so don’t confuse this with suicide). The thing is, I still have many human unfinished business things I’d have to work on before that happens (for instance, I refuse to die if my family is stuck paying my house payments).

During one of my metaphysical out-of-body experiences, I had a personal message delivered to me by one of my spirit guides (I know, I sound ridiculous to most of you right now) and I was told that my NEXT lifetime will be my last, because the life lesson I need to learn cannot be learned in this current, human lifetime. My next lifetime, I’ll learn the art of losing control. I thought it was ironic, since I spend most of my days as a hypnotist, urging YOU to lose control… when the truth is, I control everything. I feel like I rely on control just to breathe. I often feel I need to control other people sometimes or control my environment. Leadership comes naturally to me and when I have to give up control, it’s often a slap in the face. My next lifetime will revolve around that, and will certainly be a lesson worth learning. In the meantime, my objective during THIS lifetime is to start spreading healing through knowledge and guidance. Who would have thought that’s what it would have become? Healing? And on a human level, with my obsession with sexuality and gender issues… it only seems natural to combine healing with sex, to help people become one with themselves, to help people accept themselves as WHO they are and embrace their genders no matter what they may be. My feminization recordings will only continue to improve and will certainly soon go further up the path of gender-acceptance and healing.

With that being said, how can I teach the art of gender-acceptance without considering the possibility of having a lifetime relationship with one of every gender?

Love
Isabella
xoxoxoox

Published on March 31, 2008 in Journal posts. 1 Comment

Mediation and hypnosis helps a lot when it comes to finding and fulfilling self-love and self-approval. It’s a beautiful feeling to transcend oneness and become part of the “nothingness” of energy that is absolutely defiant of words.

Words can never express how deeply and how madly I want to find and keep love… one that transcends sex and mortality. Last night I experienced an out-of-body experience that gave me new clarity. I sought, I knocked and asked, and now I am to receive. I am ready to receive (am I?).

It really would have been nice to have cuddled with someone last night. Nothing is more intimate (to me) than waking up next to a body of a cherished loved one. I want that. Today I am starting a personal dreambook of the kind of relationship I am manifesting. It’s sort of a personal convincer. My 3 simultaneous dream relationships involve: an equal Goddess lesbian relationship with a woman who is intellectually and stimulatingly on my level with the knowledge of hypnosis and NLP which can be brought into our bedroom; one who is mutually attracted to me on a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual level. Relationship number two is with a submissive or slave girl who loves and adores me and lets me care for her and protect her - who responds to my hypnosis and NLP and craves my words, my touch, my love; who accepts punishments and longs for my rewards. And relationship number three is a strong slave boy who can balance the abilities to initiate loving acts of giving (without me asking), respond and act diligently and lovingly to any commands given, and loves my need to be bossy and when necessary, readily agrees to be personally humiliated for my personal amusement.

All three relationships are ones I want to have at the very same time. That is my dream family. My lesbian Goddess and I will equally share our two slaves (one boy, one girl). That is the blueprint of my energy… it’s laid out and waiting for me. The webs are beginning to form. It’s happening.

In the meantime, I really just want to find a cuddle partner. I miss having someone to hug.

Love
Isabella
xoxooxxo

Erotic Hypnosis MP3: Oneness

Published on February 10, 2008 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

Erotic Hypnosis Recording mp3

Erotic Hypnosis MP3: Oneness

Enjoy the intimacy and relaxation of sexual Oneness. This profound recording blends together several layers of echoes, whispers, and sensual suggestions deep within the mind to help you embrace the “connection” experience.

Erotic undertones designed for sexual pleasure as well as an energetic release. This is designed for both men and women and couples can also enjoy this. If you’ve ever wanted to feel an intimate connection with a woman (whether with Me or someone else), then this recording is for you. I’d rather not give too much info about this away because I’m confident more people will like it when there’s a bit of mystery.

Recording includes:
Creative visualizations, erotic hypnosis, sexual undertones, energy, connection, oneness, implied masturbation, and erotic intimacy.

Format: MP3 Download
Sound Quality: Professional First-Rate
Vocal Sound Effects: Many
Prop Sound Effects: No
Soft Background Music: No
Overdubbing Vocals: Yes
Length: 29 minutes
Zip File Size: Approx. 27 MB
Price: $35.00

Buy Now

Intimate with Isabella

Published on December 7, 2007 in Journal posts. 0 Comments

I’ve often fantasized that a hypnotist would hypnotize Me to fall in love with Her, but I often secretly feared that maybe She’d put suggestions in My head to become addicted or obsessed. And since I’m dominant, I never really liked the idea of another hypnotist treating Me like a submissive.

So this mp3 is designed to make My own fantasy come true. If you have ever wanted to be hypnotized to fall in love with Me, but were secretly afraid I might say something to make you obsessed or addicted - No worries. There is no reference to anything addictive or obsessive, in fact - you have control over how much love you want to feel towards Me. This mp3 is designed to hypnotize men and women (even Dominants!) to fall in love with Me. Even other dominant female hypnotists may feel drawn to hear this recording, and I welcome you as well. No matter your gender or power preference, I trust your mind will open to the idea of experiencing a deep and intimate connection with Me.

Will you let Me become intimate with you?

This deep hypnosis session will pull you closer to Me in a way where you control how much you want Me in your life, and it feels so good to belong to someone who knows how real your love has become. Perhaps you love Me already, which is even better. Or even if you’re just a little curious, I welcome you to join Me for this sexy and hypnotic journey.

No matter who you are, even if you think you can’t be hypnotized (or think there’s no way possible you can love a dominant woman) - I dare you to fall in love with Me. This mp3 features a permissive Ericksonian induction as well as a loving and sensual dialogue to set your heart as ease as you open up to the idea of love, passion, and intimacy. Feel a connection to a hypnotist who gives love, which makes you want to give love in return.

Listen to free sample of “Intimate with Isabella” here

Love
Isabella
xoxoxo