Sometimes I think that people out there is watching me and laughing their asses off. Is it just me, or do you often feel like you’re the actor/actress on some big movie screen and there is an audience watching you but you can’t see them? I feel that way all the time. When something good happens in my life, I feel like people are thinking, like “She’s so fucking lucky, I hate her.” Or when something bad happens in my life, all the guys grab their nutsacks and say, “Oooh that’s gotta hurt. Better her than me.” Or when I do something really stupid and embarrassing, all the people spit up their drinks and say, “This girl is insane.” I feel that way constantly and have since I was a kid. I used to have dreams where I lived in a glass house and my neighbors could see me through one way mirrors (even going to the bathroom) and I had absolutely no privacy. It scared me as well as thrilled me. Kind of like Britney Spears, who says she hates not having privacy, but she purposely lives in a place where papparazzi thrive, and goes to places where she knows she’ll be photographed. Oxymoron? Perhaps. But I get it.

Today I rode my bike as usual and began reflecting over memories. Sometimes I’d laugh hysterically aloud, and other times I’d feel my body tense up as I thought of things that were not so good. It seemed as though whatever song I listened to on my ipod reflected how I felt at that moment. Sometimes I would belt out a song as loud as I could while riding in empty areas. By the time I finished my bike ride, I think I experienced 15 different moods. If anyone watched that on a movie screen, I swear people would think I was schizo or something. I’d like to think I’m just in touch with all sides of me, that’s all.

Two nights in a row, an anonymous person (well, I’d like to think it was two different people to be honest), left Halloween packages at my doorstep with a typed up sheet of paper with the word “Boo” on it. Someone did it to me last year as well, and I can only assume it’s one of my neighbors. Of course, the stuff they left for me are things I can’t actually use or eat, because I’ve changed my eating habits. Last year, I gave the stuff to someone else. This year, I suppose I’ll have to do that again. Is it wrong to give a gift away to a different person? I can’t eat the halloween candy, can’t eat the apple butter, can’t eat all the sugar stuff, but I appreciate the token. And what happens if I give it away to the same person who gave it to me? It’s not like I know who sent it. But I just can’t eat it and it feels rude to just throw it away after someone clearly went out of their way to give it to me.

A few things going on: slave angelica is out of the picture - she’s chosen a lucrative career over slavery. Also deidre is single for the first time ever but is no longer calling herself a slave. She’s currently living with another submissive girl… *sigh* I’m happy to see her happy because she deserves it. But is it selfish of me to still think about a life with her?

My dad invited me to a family reunion in Santa Cruz for Christmas, but I’ve already made plans to have other family members fly out to California to see me. I guess that’s what happens when divorce happens. Half the family goes one place and the other half goes somewhere else. And the thing is, I kinda want to go because those folks are pretty cool. Found out my cousin Annette is engaged (jeez, I still picture her at 15 years old, it’s hard to picture her as an adult now). It’s so weird knowing my cousin Isabella (that’s how I got Isabella Valentine) is no longer 2 years old, but is growing up every day. I think she’s 6 or 7 now. Part of the reason I’ve decided not to go to the reunion is because my dad and grandparents refuse to accept the fact I’m a lesbian. They want no part of it and dad told me if I ever got a girlfriend, he didn’t want to know about it and she would not be welcome in the house. My ex-girlfriend / fling’s father lives only one mile away from my dad, so if I went to Santa Cruz, I’d want to visit her to spend time with her and her dad. But my dad would give the cold shoulder and/or preach to us and tell us that homosexuality is a sin. The last time I visited her and her father, my dad made me visit them separately and at one point, said if I wanted to visit, then my girlfriend would have to sit in the car while I went inside the house. It really hurt my feelings. As a compromise, she and I visited our fathers separately and then met up together an hour later. But not just that, I’m almost finished publishing my father’s book - which ironically is a Christian book. I’m doing it as a favor for my father, hoping that by giving him something he’s been working on (for longer than I’ve been alive), that maybe he might be more accepting to my lifestyle. I can’t help that I love women. I remember the day I came out to my father, he said to me, “Can’t you just quit?” (as if lesbianism were a pack of cigarettes)… and once he said, “I have failed as a father.” I’ve tried everything in my power to assure him that my sexual orientation has nothing to do with his raising me, but he’s still in denial. It’s hard. It really is. And we were very close when I was a kid. My mom, on the other hand, the one woman who abused me and made my life a living hell growing up (and who I could have justifiably murdered on many occasions)… has become one of my closest friends. We call each other all the time (and trust me, I hated this woman my entire life until the last 2 years). She still won’t talk about the fact I’m a lesbian and sort of ignores it. She has never once asked me if I’ve found a girlfriend or a female love - but she often shares about the men in her life. She’s still in denial too, but at least she accepts who I am. I was afraid both of them would disown me to tell you the truth (they swore they would) - since both are religious fanatics. Both are pro-life, both are anti-gay rights, both believe that homosexuality is a sure way to go to hell. — so anyway — I’m throwing an Xmas shindig at my place this year, and I’m leaving all my dungeon furniture out in the open. If they want to come to my place, they’re welcome to… but they have to leave preaching at the door. So far my mom and sister (and possibly brother) are coming. Not sure about anyone else, as they might be going off in separate directions. Our family is so scattered.

I put out a newsletter and sent it to most of my customers on Niteflirt which shared a personal bit of information about me. I know some of you may want to crucify me for it, but my real birthday is on 10-31-80 (halloween), not 11-11-81. If you did not receive the newsletter, you can read it below. I’m 26 years old, not 25 (will be 27 in less than 2 weeks)… I had faked that birthdate many years ago when beginning my online persona to protect my identity. However, I’ve been doing so many newspaper, magazine, radio, online interviews and other publicity stuff - and one of the common questions is, “How old are you?” So I thought it would be a good time to come clean. Besides, it feels really weird making people believe my birthday is 2 weeks later than it really is.

Hi sweetie,
I’ve released several new (some free) mp3s & videos and thought you might enjoy some of them
(((sample mp3s here)))

Eject your mind and enter Isabella. Whether you are a skeptic or a slave or a skeptic slave, the reason you are here is because hypnosis fascinates you. So give in to the overwhelming feeling of submission and allow yourself total pleasure by submitting to Me. Submit to My words, My commands, My voice and give up your power and control. Play Free Sample

I’ll be in Hawaii from Oct 30-Nov 19 earning a Master Practitioner certification in NLP, so I’ll be gone for 21 days. I’ll bring a laptop, but please allow extra time for replies during that time.

Please don’t kill Me. I led many of you to believe My birthday to be on November 11th, 1981 - I figured it would protect My identity easier on the net. At the time I decided to make up that birthdate, it was during a time when I had absolutely no intention of letting people see My real photos or get a glimpse into My life. Times have changed over the last few years as I have grown more comfortable sharing all sides of Me with photos, videos, etc. When I do publicity interviews, I often tell them the truth, so why not all of you? I’m 26 years old, not 25. I’m still a scorpio. I was born on October 31, 1980 - yup, halloween night at 8:45pm. Does it come as a surprise that I was born on Halloween and am obsessed with wigs, dressing up, costumes, cemeteries, witchcraft, AND have a black cat?

On another note, I’ve now lost 107 pounds with 99 more to go. The sad part is that My breasts have gotten two cup sizes smaller (they were a double D and now they’re a large C). See FREE recent photos in My blog!

I want to thank those who participated in the charity to help fight Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Over $3500 was raised (online and through snail mail)! WOW!

The website IsabellaValentine.com has been updated in which the front page now displays a flash animation with newer photos of Me. The recordings now have subcategories for easier browsing. More photos added, pages revised.

The website IsabellasRecordings.com has lots of new updates - lots of free mp3s, free videos, free stuff.

But at least I have kick ass jewelry.
Gucci watch I got in London:

A diamond cluster in a pave setting white gold ring:

A black stainless steel ring with lasered engravings on the enamel:

A white gold ring with 3 big diamonds with bagettes on side:

A white gold ring with a skeleton head with diamonds and black diamonds:

My foot and hand:

My favorite jewelry though (not shown) is my 4 carat bracelet and old wedding ring.

Love
Isabella
xoxoxo