Now that I have the house to myself again, I’m trying to get back to my old routine. I still have 16 recordings to edit in post-production, so trust me… I have PLENTY to stay busy! Mistress Alexandra and I have tons of new stuff for you all! One of them I’ve already been working on and it won’t be too long till that one is released.

Tomorrow I have a deep tissue massage appointment on my abdomen. I’ve never had a deep tissue massage before. I mean, I’ve had swedish massages. I’ve had hot stone massages. I’ve had rain drop therapy massages. I’ve had shiatsu massages. Thai massages. But never deep tissue. But last time I went, my energy massage therapist (not Charity, she does hot stone massage) named Beverly said she’d like to concentrate on my abdomen and do some deep tissue work which might help release some tension and also in my arms and shoulders too. She’s very good with energy work and I’ve never had a deep tissue massage (especially on my abdomen) before, so perhaps it might even help with digestion and make an overall positive impact on my body. Who knows? So I’m really looking forward to that.

Also after waiting almost a month on the waiting list for an appointment for plastic surgery just for a consultation (not to GET the surgery, just for a consultation!) I had time to really think about whether or not I wanted to get an eye lift or not. And two days ago I decided I didn’t want one after all. I called the doctor’s office and asked if I could get a botox treatment instead (since Mona Blu recommended it and I trust her). I’ve never gotten a botox treatment before so I’m a little nervous. I’m deathly afraid of needle injections. I mean… I have tons of tattoos… but they glide across the skin, they don’t go in deep. The act of needles penetrating skin always freaks me out. But I really want to do this and I know the outcome will be worth it. Plus - hell I’ve waited a month for an appointment already. I go in Friday.

Oh. Today. I finally. Finally. Finally. FINALLY got approved for health insurance (what a fucking hassle for the last 5 years). And um. I added maternity too (just in case). Not that pregnancy is on my brain or anything but you never know what might happen way down the road and I don’t want to be shit up stream without a paddle. Besides, it won’t cover maternity for 12 months anyway, so don’t worry boys - it’s not on my priority list right now. haha. But then again, if I do decide to get pregnant (with slave m or in the future with a lesbian partner) it will definitely come from a black man’s sperm - that is so hot to me! By the way, I’m insured up to $8 million dollars. Holy moly. *goes cross-eyed*

Tammy graduates college Friday. I love you, Tammy. I bought her a champagne brunch cruise for 4 people in San Diego, a Coach purse, and a Tiffany bracelet. I am so proud of her. I love you, sis.

My mom has a hearing in Orange County to try to get conservatorship (sp?) over my brother in court. The whole thing has been a nightmare for our family. He has been moved out of his group home now and is now in a new group home. His medication has changed slightly which is good and she said his environment is actually better. However, her lack of rights over him is still making life hell. We just want this over with. The new doctor in charge of him is actually trying to compromise with my mother (a good sign) so there seems to be some light at the end of the tunnel. My brother, on the other hand, who doesn’t have the mental capability to understand what’s going on, is shocked at his new environment and feels hurt and betrayed and by everyone cause he doesn’t recognize anything anymore. When he’s sad, my mom is sad. And when my mom is sad, well… can you say “stress”? I hope they give her rights over him soon and he adjusts to his new home. I just want Abe to find peace. And I want my mom to be happy too.

By the way, speaking of mom. I bought her a gold bracelet with the word “mom” for mother’s day. It was the first mother’s day gift I bought her in over 10 years. She was shocked that I bought her something. I have always hated her. This is the only year she and I have been cordial to each other and made a truce and she actually supports me. That doesn’t mean she accepts my alternative lifestyle or my bdsm behavior or my “sinful” nature…. but she cares about me and when I needed a safe person to call when slave m was here, my mom was there for me. We haven’t had a single fight or argument in a year now. She choked up on the phone when I talked to her. It was quite nice actually. slave m was holding my hand the whole time.

I miss slave m already. I know I just saw him this weekend, but I miss him already. Everything reminds me of him. I need to be with him. Hopefully by Friday he and I will be able to schedule our next visit with each other, which we EXPECT might be in 2 weeks unless the surgery delays. Oh I’d soooo love to see him right now. Just to be with him. To hug him for one of those long 15-minute hugs. To cuddle with him in front of a movie only to be more interested in each other than the film. To spoon with him under the covers in bed listening to Mazzy Star with John Holmes at the foot of the bed purring. To laugh in the gym while exercising to boxing dvds while boxers hump each other when they spend too much time holding. To put a hood over his head so his sense of smell becomes overloaded. I want him to smell my perfume on my skin, smell the shampoo in my hair, smell the clothes on my back…. so he becomes obsessed with my scent. So I’m crossing my fingers that perhaps in merely 2 weeks the two of us will cross paths again and he will bow before me as my faithful slave and he will endure the blows of my cane and my warm whispers in his ears telling him to worship me forever. And he will look into my eyes, with his look of many faces, pain - more pain - closet pain - enduring excruciating pain in tortured chastity while I bounce on his lap, teasing him relentlessly, knowing that simply looking into his eyes will bring him such arousal that he will be able to endure any suffering for my pleasure. His willingness to endure such distress stimulates me more than I’ve ever known. I’ve always been into sadism - some consider it borderline extreme sadism if you will (if you knew how much, you may be slightly shocked). When I confess my unsettling (some call them disturbed) fantasies with him, he embraces them now with an open mind now that he’s experienced time with me. Now he is even open to participating in those fantasies with me which has been my dream my whole life. I am absolutely smitten with him.

Love
Isabella
xoxoxoox